My state (I’m in the US) has a program allowing for Highschool Juniors and Seniors to go to a 2-year college program, with all courses counting towards both highschool and college credit and GPA. We were both seniors, and in four months I will graduate with an Associates in Biology. We met in a shared class, became friends almost immediately, and last April we started dating. She is my second girlfriend, but the first one which I’ve had really strong feelings for.
She has moderate ADHD as well as a moderate anxiety disorder. This was not too much of a problem in our relationship, but severely. affected her school performance. She’s smart, but had virtually no work ethic. She hardly ever turned in homework, and rarely so much as opened her textbook. She mostly got Cs, with some Bs, but still was failing about one or two classes per semester. I was sympathetic. I had similar issues a few years ago and truly believed based on my personal experience and our similar personalities that she would be able to improve. It really seemed like she was too.
A few months ago, while talking about our past education, I found out that she had been pulled out of school in 9th grade to homeschool. She learned extremely little, with both of her parents being busy and her being easily distracted. This continued the next year, but she was allowed to partake in the state program for her junior year. I found out that she knew key subjects like chemistry, biology, and algebra, at only a middle school level. However, since we were both graduating in a few months anyway, I wasn’t concerned about that too much. None of those were relevant to her planned line of work.
But last month, she was expelled. Her performance dropped severely in the last two weeks of the semester and she fell below the minimum GPA requirement. Having less than a year’s worth in highschool credit, we agreed that it was crucial that she work toward a GPA as soon as possible. We acknowledged that that would talk some time, and decided to aim for Summer 2018 at the absolute latest. This would require a lot of independent work on her part, which she agreed to do. I agreed to help her with whatever was necessary toward this goal.
But she hasn’t done anything, except when I’ve called her online to talk about American history. It’s been nearly two months now, and despite my insistence she has done virtually nothing to learn; nothing to study or to practice to obtain a GED. I feel cheated, primarily by my own naïvety but also by her complete lack of motivation. I was sympathetic to her because I had had extremely similar problems with school in the past, but it’s just too much. In 3 months, I will have an Associates. She will have the middle school diploma hanging on her refrigerator. I absolutely hate that it has come to this, but at this point there is nothing I can do about it.
I’m planning to break up with her tomorrow. I know it’s going to suck. We still love eachother and have had a very positive relationship, so she is going to be completely blindsided by this. I sent her a message last night asking her out, and got a response this morning. She’s excited, really excited. Because of transportation issues (neither of us have a license) combined with her being busy with church activities last weekend, we haven’t seen eachother since Valentine’s Day. Just sending the message hit me hard, getting her reply made me feel physically ill and brought me to tears. It just feels wrong.
I know this is necessary, and I want to break up with her soon so that it doesn’t just become more difficult or more awkward. I want to be able to look back on our relationship as well as possible, and not as something that started good, but then dragged on much longer than it should have. But I still feel like I’m not going to be able to do so. My first and so far only breakup went quite easily since we weren’t super close and both knew it just wasn’t working. Neither of those things are true now. I’m confident that I’ll be able to breakup with her, but I’m not even remotely confident that I’ll be able to stay composed enough to give any sense of closure, or to comfort her enough that she won’t suffer a full blown panic attack.
The last thing I want is for what has for the past 10 months been a good relationship to end with a terrible breakup. Even disregarding our relationship, our personalities and interests are just too similar. She had already become one of my best friends before we started dating, and only became better since then. I really don’t want to lose her. I can envision my life without her as my girlfriend, but I can’t envision it without her at all. But I don’t know if that’s even realistic, and the fear that we might not even talk again, or worse yet, that she would hate me afterwards, is absolutely crippling.
So that leaves me with my question. Reddit—how the hell do I actually break up with her? Any other advice would also be heavily appreciated.
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TL;DR: I get an associates in three months. My girlfriend dropped out of highschool. It’s obvious that our relationship cannot last, but I still love her and am having severe difficulty even dealing with the thought of it. I want advice for as to how to make sure the breakup goes as smoothly as possible. I want to be able to be friends with her in the future, whether or not that means a temporary no-contact period. Even that’s not possible, I don’t want to her to hate me.
Submitted February 24, 2017 at 06:49PM by p00bix http://ift.tt/2lMX3Fq relationships
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