To start this I will say I am making a new account because my girlfriend knows my reddit account. I'll be deleting this later.
Backstory is I married my wife when I was 24 years old. She was diagnosed with stomach cancer when I was 29 and she was 31 and it was a life changing experience for me. About 6 months before that diagnosis we were considering divorce but after she was diagnosed things took a rapid 180. We forgot all about the divorce, we tried to enjoy each others company and the more and more sick she got the more and more I did for her, some things which were things I never thought I could do like changing her bedpan and dirty sheets and keeping her at home for her to pass here peacefully. It changed me as a human being and as much as I hate the experience I know that it turned me into a better person. I have become much more kind and patient since all of these things happen. I stopped being completely shallow and if I am being perfectly honest even my views on women changed because I wasn't a good man back then and was emotionally very immature and selfish. I still am not perfect but I do believe I treat people better than I ever did before and I don't know why it took something that drastic to make me become a better person but I did. Everything after she passed was a blur and I suffered miserably remembering some of the awful things I did and said to her, it was a typical grief process which I managed to find my way through even if I do still have some regrets and I do think about her a lot.
So skipping forward to about 9 months ago, a lady I used to work with started helping me with my son for a few hours a week. She needed some extra money and knew I was a single dad and she knew what happen with my wife because we worked together while all of these things happened. I think she had intended to pursue me very soon afterwards and I wasn't totally reluctant because I did start to develop feelings for her too, and we eased into a relationship which was very comfortable for me. I have been nicer to her than I ever was with my wife and a few months after she started helping me with my son we decided we'd like to be more than just friends. I was completely okay with this but was always really honest about my feelings for my wife and the fact that I dont think I'll ever want to remove her from my life or my son's life.
We moved in together about a month ago and she moved into my house, this house that my wife and I shared long before she ever came into the picture. My girlfriend has been wonderful to my son, she has been patient with me too. She's the first woman I've slept with since my wife died and the first woman I've wanted to be in a relationship with and as a single father I don't really have the energy or desire to date around. She's truly the only woman who has interested me enough to want to be in a relationship with her.
A few days ago I came home and the pictures of my wife that were on the mantle were not on it anymore and I asked her why she took them down. She said she bought some new art that she wanted to put there and I told her it wasn't okay. She got really upset with me and told me that I need to get out of this funk and that it's been so long and since I was planning on divorcing my wife anyway it isn't like there was anything to grasp onto anymore. Then she said it bothered her that she moved into my house and that I won't let her decorate or change it around at all and that's not really true I just haven't gotten around to thinking about completely changing my house around for her.
I don't know what advice I'm seeking I guess I just want to know if it's really that inappropriate to have pictures of my wife up when I have a new girlfriend. This is a first for me and I haven't lived with anyone else or known how it works. The pictures are all over the house in the living room, there are some on the refrigerator, there's one in the dining room from our wedding day, my son has them in his room and I had some in my room but I put them away in a drawer after that because I can understand how it might be strange for her to have sex in front of those pictures.
I don't want to use my son as an excuse for holding onto my wife, but I do think we should keep the pictures up for him too and she understands that but says we could just keep them in his room. I am not sure if I'm out of line telling her no fucking way will I take the pictures down because there will always be a part of me that loves my wife. I didn't word it like that to her but it feels like a silly thing to argue over and I don't want to continue arguing over it. I am not trying to be insensitive to her feelings but I think she's taking it too far by taking them down herself.
tl;dr: My girlfriend who I live with is upset that I have pictures of my deceased wife up around the house and wants me to take them down and I don't know how to handle the issue.
Submitted December 09, 2015 at 03:50AM by jealousgfsbf http://ift.tt/1M1MoZp relationships
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