Like most of us, I'm sure, I have an extremely unhealthy relationship with sugar. I started keto because I consider myself an addict when it comes to carbs, and having a way to cut them down to the lowest number possible and still feel full seems like a godsend. I can't tell you how many nights I've laid in bed beating myself up for eating waaaay more than I planned to and completely losing control around food - almost always sweets of some kind or another. Mind you, this is five years AFTER recovering from years of bulimia.
So there I was yesterday, making myself a very small, very rich birthday cake. (I turn 26 today, yay!) I had to "try" it to make sure it tasted good. Once I had three slivers of that - going back and forth to the refrigerator, pulling it out, having just one more taste - I scraped up a handful of scraps and icing from the pan of cinnamon rolls sitting in the fridge.
Of course, this is nothing compared to my behavior even a few weeks ago. In an effort to combat the shame that comes with secrecy, I sat down on the couch, drank some water, and told my very understanding fiancè what had happened, and that I don't want a birthday cake this year. (He's not LCHF, and wanted to get a backup just in case my baking experiment failed.) I don't feel ready for sweets just yet.
That being said, will I ever be ready? Will I ever be able to have "just one" cookie, or even cook/bake with low-carb sweetener? Right now, I can't imagine a life without waffles on Saturday mornings, or apple pie for Christmas. Of course, I'm thrilled to imagine a life without food-induced guilt and feeling totally out of control. I know no one here has an answer for how this journey is going to go for me, but I'd love some support/commiseration or advice.
How can I change my outlook here to not feel like I'll be deprived from what everyone else can handle, and part of what makes eating enjoyable, for the rest of my life?
Submitted December 29, 2015 at 07:21PM by thatwriterkid http://ift.tt/1MEPpiu xxketo
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