My girlfriend and I have been together for quite a while. I have made the decision that I am planning on marrying her. We have one more step in our relationship that we agreed we should do to make sure we are compatible. We want to live together for at least a year before getting engaged in order to make sure we don't have any huge problems.
Background on college:
I go to school for electrical engineering. I have around a 3.5 GPA and am generally good with studying/hw. I am confident this will stay the same if we move in together because we are fairly independent people. I can't take living with my current 3 roommates anymore. While they are nice people, they are the messiest people I have ever met. I have a meal plan because they all shop at Costco, so there is absolutely 0 room in the refrigerator or freezer for any of my food. I was able to get myself 2 small cupboards and 1 drawer in the kitchen (about 10% of the total cabinet space). I also end up doing about 75% of the dishes because they rarely clean up after themselves. Even though I only eat there 2 days a week, I still have to do the majority of chores for my own sanity and to have clean dishes on the 2 days I do eat there. Needless to say, I am going crazy. I am not a neat-freak, but I like to have <20 dishes and 50 pieces of silverware scattered around at any given time. All my friends are already full on roommates too, so switching isn't an option.
My gf's parents got divorced after she was born and my parents absolutely despised each other and fought constantly until my dad's death. We both don't want the same thing to happen to us. I am in college for EE currently and we want to move in for fall semester while she works. We currently live 3.5 hours away. While I had a co-op (Engineering 7 month internship), she would come down many weekends and stay with me.
Financial:
I have plenty of money saved up from working summers, not spending much, and my co-op. I have enough for at least 2 semesters of living, food, tuition, and everything I would need.
My grandpa was a mechanical engineer who had enough money to set up a college fund for my sister and I. This fund can only be spent on college expenses that go directly to the college (I'm in on-campus apartments right now.) There is enough in there to finish out the next year and a half I have left and then some. It is in my name, but my mom is a co-owner of it. My uncle also has the same thing for me and my sister (he never married), and that has some money left too. He owns that one.
The Issues:
My GF's mom is ok with us living together. Neither me, nor my girlfriend are very religious (she is Christian, but she has very progressive views, and I am agnostic). Her mom's reasoning is that it may be against her belief's, but our lives are our own. (My girlfriend doesn't want to live with her mom anymore though because she treats my GF like complete shit, but she can't afford to move out on her own yet). On the other hand, my mom is the hypocritical type of zealot. She never ever goes to church or practices her supposed Christian views, but she sure as hell imposes them on everyone else.
I mentioned us moving in together to my mom in passing over winter break while we were at a restaurant. She almost started yelling at me right there. I asked why she didn't want me to. Her response was to threaten to cut me off from my grandpa's and uncle's college funds set up for me (She hasn't helped with college at all besides paying for my cell phone). I can't take out subsidized loans because she makes too much money and lists me as a dependent. I let it go because I didn't want to cause an argument or scene in the restaurant. She quickly changed the subject and never discussed it again. She never liked my girlfriend because she has a fair amount of piercings in her ears, and she didn't go to college for more than 2 years.
The Dilemma:
I am going home for spring break in march. I need to know if I am moving in with my GF by mid-April or so for our current apartment. I need to talk to her during spring break. Hopefully I can discuss the facts with her, and show her that my grades won't suffer, and it won't interfere with college at all. To do that, I need her to actually listen to me. Last time I tried to ask her to hear me out about something important, she interrupted me consistently throughout it to argue with me. That will just lead to a fight if it happens this time. How can I attempt to deal with her? I might go insane if I have to live with my roommates for another year and a half (and my GF might if she has to live with her emotionally abusive mother for another year or so).
tl;dr: My mother has control on part of my college fund, refuses to listen to reason when discussing important things, and doesn't want my girlfriend and I to move in together. She is threatening to make me live in poverty if I go against her. How do I have a rational discussion with her about it?
Submitted February 20, 2017 at 10:08PM by hawkeye315 http://ift.tt/2mf2FWh relationships
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