You've been gone a year now. Your bed is still on the floor of my room. Your treats are still on top of the refrigerator. I miss you so fucking much. I miss you sitting in the passenger seat as I drove around screaming, venting, crying in frustration over life. Having you there was holding me together, apparently. You didn't judge or offer some bland, cliché advice and I miss that.
I'm 26 now. Anxiety has taken over a large part of my brain. I've pushed everyone away emotionally even more since you left. I moved back home but feel more distant to mom and dad than ever. I am a shell of who/what you knew me as those 15 years. None of that matters to you, I know. I know you loved me no matter how shitty of a person I was/could be. Well, I've been shittier than ever lately and I need you.
I cry whenever I think about you. Every fucking time I swear. I'm crying right now haha I need to make a ton of life changes. I need to get rid of your bed (you always used mine anyways). I'm scared. I know what I need to do but I won't do it. As always. You know me.
After typing all of this out I do feel slightly better. I don't want to submit this now, its too embarrasing. I owe it to you though. The one thing you always wanted was for me to be content. So for you I will let these thoughts be chiseled in stone.
Goddammit I miss you.
Submitted January 11, 2016 at 02:36PM by obiiieeee http://ift.tt/1OlWExT offmychest
No comments:
Post a Comment