There is definitely something wrong with me. offmychest

There is definitely something wrong with me.

Within the past year or so, my life has slowly went from being happy and being able to work for hours straight to being a miserable person and being unable to stay awake for three hours without feeling like I need to take a nap. I’ve had multiple mental breakdowns, fell behind on multiple assignments and lost friends because of this.

Exhaustion has taken over my life.

Because of this, every day feels like the last. They now all almost go the exact same way and can be broken up into three parts:

1. Wake up exhausted, prepare for work or school, sit or lay down for a moment on my couch and fall asleep until 1 p.m.


2. Wake up again, feel even more exhausted, take my medications, eat, lay down on my couch and fall asleep until 6 p.m.


3. Wake up again, eat, finally feel energized, take my medications, work on something I was supposed to do hours before and fall asleep at 2 a.m. until the next morning.

If I’m lucky to get out the door to go to class or my internship, I usually feel exhausted. I feel tired, irritable, frustrated and usually just want to go home.

It wasn’t like this before.

I used be happy. Despite my Asperger’s Syndrome, I was becoming pretty sociable with my classmates. I had a near-perfect GPA in Year 1 of my journalism program, won eight awards for my stories and had been named the co-lead for the school’s news radio show for Year 2 along with two others.

Everything was looking up. Then everything seemed to come crashing down.

Within a course of a year, a lot of things happened.

First, my Grandmother died. She was the only person I could speak to about anything on my mind. I also had enough of my Mother, who was (and still is) a two-faced narcissist who got mad if anyone didn’t do what she wanted, and moved into my Grandmother’s old house. My Mother was (and still is) the landlord. Each of us own about 50 per cent of the property.

The house then started falling apart within a week of moving in. The phone, internet and cable lines, washing machine, dryer, refrigerator and the air conditioning unit all needed to be repaired or replaced. The hot water tank also exploded, ruining most of the carpeting and furniture in the hallway and living room areas. Along with that, multiple bills started coming each month and I was (and still am) always in overdraft because of this.

When I eventually started the second year of my program, everything started to get to me. Before the semester started, I was weaned off my medication. I had been on Risperdal, an antipsychotic medication which I was prescribed with to deal with anxiety and anger issues in Grade 8. By college, the medication had stopped working.

That was a bad decision. I became very hyper throughout the day and couldn’t handle social situations. I also started to have sleeping problems and would sleep in most days, which led to me missing assignments, classes and stories. During this time, I had an internship which required me to work long hours some nights after class.

Soon, I was having constant mental breakdowns. I was smashing things around my house due to stress every few weeks. By October, I had to take time off of my internship and resign from my co-lead position. By November, I started going to the hospital due to my breakdowns. Those visits weren’t much of a help. By December, I had been in the hospital three times during the semester.

After the third visit to the hospital, I was put on two new medications called Risperidone and Teva-Venlafaxine, both of which cause dizziness. Due to my situation, I had no choice but to accept the prescription for these two pills if I wanted any hope of feeling better.

Since I’m writing this, the medications didn’t work.

I can no longer get through the day without taking a nap at least twice a day. I’ve failed assignments, skipped classes and claimed stories only to never show up because of this. As I mentioned before, I can’t talk to anyone in a conversation anymore without feeling tired and losing interest.

I’ve been told by multiple classmates that I was doing better in Year 1 because my medications seemed to be working back then.

With an aching back and leg problems along with the mental and energy issues, I don’t know how long I can last before I fall asleep for good.

Submitted April 11, 2015 at 07:31AM by JustinPSports http://ift.tt/1D5S0k8 offmychest