No, no, no, NO! You cannot take your half-eaten, mostly rotten food (which seems to have onions and garlic in it this time) out of the refrigerator and leave it next to the garbage can. Do you realize what you have done? You have taken something with bacteria, mold, and yeast growing on it out of a cool, airtight container and set it next the dining table (where I eat and do my homework) so that the spoiling process can accelerate and it can ferment in the open air and nauseate anybody unfortunate enough to bring their nose near it. Then what do you do? You leave it there. FOR DAYS. It stays there until I get sick of the vomit-inducing smell and take it out to the dumpster that you park your car next to every day. What an arduous task that was. Actually, it WAS an arduous task, because instead of you taking out three bags of your garbage over the course of the week that you build up your mountain of stench, I have to take them all out at once so we're not evicted for the horror scene next to our stove. Imagine my red, sweaty face as I haul bags and bags of trash down the stairs, through the parking lot, and to the dumpster, making eye contact with all our neighbors. Mrs. Next-Door, I promise our apartment is not as bad as this repository of refuse would make it seem. I do everybody's dishes as often as I have the time (between school, my part-time job, and visiting my boyfriend -- instead of letting him live with us rent-free, as seems to be the acceptable practice now), tidy up the living room, wipe counters, vacuum and mop floors... I promise its habitable enough. Don't expect it to be so 36 days from now, though, when I finally am able to move away from the wench I would have called my best friend, before I came of no use to her now that she has a walking and breathing dildo to keep her warm at night.
Submitted April 27, 2015 at 12:56PM by mushruhm http://ift.tt/1JJGBZh offmychest
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