Throwaway because my boyfriend uses Reddit.
I've been dating Sam for over a year. We get along really well, have never gone to bed angry, and he is well liked by all of my friends and family who have met him. I feel so lucky to be with him. Unfortunately, there's a tiny issue that I can't seem to get past no matter how much I try to ignore it.
When Sam and I started dating, the first time I went to his house I noticed some drawings and coloring book pages hanging on his refrigerator. I told him how cute they were, and he said his niece drew them. I learned as time went on that he doesn't have a niece, and that those were drawn and colored by his ex's daughter Alexa. I learned this because he casually mentions his ex and her daughter every once in a while (just during story telling, never to make comparisons between her and I or anything creepy like that), and Alexa wrote her name on all of the drawings. I understand why he lied also, because it was only our 4th or 5th time seeing one another, and we had yet to really talk about our ex's in detail. That wasn't the time to do so and I'm fine with how we delayed that talk till later.
Sam and his ex dated for about 5 years, though the entire thing was somewhat long distance (about an hour and a half drive). Sam also does not and did not want kids, which his ex knew, so she hid Alexa from Sam for the first year of their relationship. After Sam found out, he was understanding but he said that the relationship could only continue if he was not expected to be a father figure.
This arrangement worked for everyone, and the relationship continued for 4 more years. Alexa would come with her mom to Sam's house every so often for visits, and I know Sam genuinely cared about her, despite not wanting to be a father figure. That's why I never said anything about the drawings on the refrigerator. I know he cared about Alexa, and I'm sure that even though he didn't want to be a father figure, he did get somewhat attached.
I tried to casually bring this up by mentioning how cluttered the outside of his refrigerator is. His house is spotless, but he can't seem to throw away pizza delivery coupons or junk mail from several years ago that are still hanging on his fridge.
We spend a lot of time in the kitchen since we both love to cook. Honestly, I'm getting sick of looking at the reminder of his past relationship. He hasn't spoken to his ex since they broke up almost two years ago, nor has he spoken to Alexa, obviously.
I understand that he may not think negatively of Alexa, nor would I expect or want him to, and he may have difficulty putting the drawings in a storage bin somewhere or throwing them away because he did care about her. But the constant reminder of his ex and their life together makes me feel weird every time I look at those drawings. We've been dating for a while, we've talked about me moving in at some point in the semi-near future, and I know that he is not emotionally hung up on his ex at all.
So I guess my questions are: Should I directly tell him that it makes me uncomfortable that he still has those drawings hanging up? Should I be more understanding and just drop it, because maybe he actually is very forgetful/apathetic with stuff on his fridge, hence the 5 year old pizza coupons?
I'm usually good at approaching stuff like this with reason and logic, but this has me stumped. Any advice would be great!
TL;DR: My boyfriend of over a year still has drawings hanging on his fridge made by his ex's young daughter. They broke up several months before he and I started dating. He was never a father figure to her, and has not seen or spoken to her since. Should I tell him those drawings make me slightly uncomfortable and should come down?
Submitted February 20, 2017 at 08:33AM by fridgepicsthrowaway http://ift.tt/2kOU7E9 relationships
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