Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Amazing tales of a Fat-Hating delivery man(moved from FPH) TalesofFatHate

Hello! I am your friendly neighborhood Delivery Man. I use an appliance dolly or 4 wheel dolly for everything we deliver and install, unless it is something like a couch, in which case we carry it. There is always 2 of us, no more(no matter how heavy the item is).

I deliver 1000 pound gun safes, couches, refrigerators, dishwashers, saunas, vending machines, ovens, Over-the-range microwaves, bedroom sets, jacuzzis, you name it. When it comes to the appliances, we install those as well. I usually have about 12 stops a day, and I work about 50-75 hours a week, depending on the time of year(Black Friday sales, 4th of July sales).

Every fucking time, I make sure to call 30 minutes ahead of the delivery, so the person can be ready for us. We obviously need clutter-free passages from our truck to the ultimate destination of the item we are delivering. These fat fucking cunts almost always turn my 10 hour day into a 15 hour day. SHOCKINGLY, my troubles usually begin when I am delivering a fridge. The average weight of fridges I deliver is about 400 lbs. Not light, especially if there is a lot of steps.

Here is a list of Common Crimes Against Me by fat fucks:

  • They never have a clear path inside the house. There is ALWAYS garbage, clothes, books, other debris in the way. Often, they are hoarders, and have maybe cleared a foot-wide pathway through the house to their kitchen. I am dollying a heavy fridge. I need more.

  • I have had to refuse t do multiple dishwasher installs because there is dog or cat shit on their kitchen floor, preventing me from laying down to get under the dish so I can hardwire it.

  • Often, when they have NOT payed for install, and only payed for a crated delivery(in the box, no installation), they will lie to me and try to get installation free. I offer to add it to the paperwork, but they say no, they want installation, they already paid enough for the appliance, and I must be too lazy to do my job.

  • During the winter, while it is snowing, they refuse to shovel their walkways and driveways. I had a 400+ pound man tell me to shovel his driveway when I was delivering his 800 pound gun safe. He tried to hand me the shovel to do it. Nope. Not my job. Even with a 400 pound fridge, you cannot dolly through snow or over ice. Appliance dollys do not work that way. They always claim that they had no idea they needed to shovel. Like I can levitate a fucking fridge.

  • I have installed washers and dryers(for some reason the weirdest people must purchase new washers and dryers) while the fat man or woman was naked, I had one lady masturbate while we were carrying the appliances in(we carry these because it builds strength. Easier than a dolly). We just kept our heads down and focused on the job.

  • They are always lying about supposed damage done to their house during delivery. I always admit damage. Even if the customer did not see it happen, I will point out my mistake. Fatties just try to get my company to pay for new carpet/flooring.

  • They try to get us to do plumbing/electric/carpentry work to get their appliances installed. Because of liability, I can't do shit like fix a customer's plumbing to install a dishwasher, or cut their cabinets to make their brand-new giant-ass fridge fit in the space provided. We just install, vanilla style. But they ALWAYS try to get us to do what they should have done before buying a 600-4000 dollar appliance.

  • I always go above and beyond to make the customer happy, and I usually get a genuine handshake, or if we are lucky, a tip. NEVER from the Butter Golems. A lot of times, they just let us in then sit on their couch and graze. That is good sometimes, but they are rarely even polite.

There are a ton of specific stories, but those are just the average, happens-all-the-time type deals. Oh, and I work in the Midwest. /rant

EDIT: Also, they never measure when they buy a high dollar item. They just assume we will make it fit, no matter what. Usually for fridges. New fridges are HUGE, and they don't bother to measure the space. Fucking pigs.



Submitted June 02, 2015 at 04:41PM by Solorolloyolo http://ift.tt/1GitEbD TalesofFatHate

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