I'm sorry for this wall of text.
First, here is a little background information about us. For our first year anniversary, I got my boyfriend (Eric) and I a set of matching necklaces (cheesy, I know). Well, over the course of the next year, various factors have caused us to fight and have him think that we broke up due to the fight. After hearing him question our status, I made sure to let him know that on those occasions a clear indicator of my opinion on our status is going to be based on whether or not I'm wearing my necklace. I told him that if I ever take off my necklace, it means I'm about to break up with him. Before today, I've only done it once. However, I also made clear that we are not officially done until the moment the necklace goes into the trash. He knows about all of this symbolism (as will be made clear later on).
Well, today is the day before finals week here. So, tension is super high and we have been at each others throats for a couple of weeks (give or take a few days). Yet despite this, he and I woke up together in high spirits and decided to go to the store to get some food. We got some things from the deli and bakery and sat down to eat some of it. This is going all fine and dandy, Eric even goes to touch my left temple.
You see, he has a habit of pointing out and attempting to pop my acne. I usually don't let him and we have this thing where I would act like a "scary" animal and nip at his fingers/hand/nose (whatever is closest to my mouth). I never bite hard (intentionally) and he knows this. After Eric touched my temple, I knew what was going to come next. As soon as I felt his fingers closing in on it, I twisted my head to go after his fingers. He pulls back, giggles, and taps my face with the back of his hand.
At this point, I'm instantly upset. Without thinking, I go and pop him (gently) on the top right part of his forehead. He smiles and goes to hit me again (playfully) and I grab his arm and widen my eyes (to show I'm upset). I say to him, in as calm of a voice as I can manage, "Don't hit me in the face, because that is the easiest way to piss me off." I stand up, walk over to the refrigerator to get a drink, and then sit back down to continue eating in silence.
You should know that for all of my life, hitting me in the head (whether it be a play tap or a bitch slap) has made me instantly angry. I don't know why it does that to me, it may just be a pet peeve of mine. Eric knows about this pet peeve, because I told him about it before. But, he had forgotten about it today. I would have let it go the moment he apologized for upsetting me. He wouldn't have needed to apologize for the tap itself, just for the fact of the matter that I hate it and he shouldn't do it. I say that, because I love him (which is probably also the reason why I didn't hit him back harder). Anyone else (that I didn't love) would have been sent from my life forever.
Well, instead of apologizing, Eric starts getting mad at me for being upset. He says such things as I could have handled it better and shouldn't get so upset. I argue back (with difficulty) that he shouldn't hit me and get mad at me being upset. He responds by getting more mad and saying it wasn't a hit, I should man up, stop being a pussy, etc. I'm so dumbstruck by this response that I take off my necklace and throw it in front of him (to emphasize how much this means to me). He proceeds to pick it up and toss it into the trash. I say, "Well, I guess we are done..." He agrees and I feel like I'm in shock.
As the situation slowly sets in, my anger dissipates which gives me room to think. I reminded him that it was my pet peeve and it is a deal breaker for someone to cross it without saying sorry. He sees my side (a little) and says that he is sorry and that it is up to me whether or not we can continue. After hearing his apology (and doing some thinking), I decide to dig the necklace out of the trash can, clean it, and then put it back on. I proceed to be a extra nice to him the rest of the day to try and get us back on track again.
At the end of the day, he brings up what happened this morning. He thinks that I over reacted by showing that I was willing to throw away our relationship over something so small. He says that it devalues our relationship. I told him that it doesn't, but rather should emphasize how much something like that means to me. I can't be with a man that would upset me in such a manner and not feel remotely apologetic for it. Well, he gets upset again and says that it "wasn't a hit". I tell him that it doesn't matter. I feel like I have the right to demand an apology from anyone that lays un-welcomed hands upon me.
So, now he is questioning how strong we are, despite my reassurances of love for him. He does admit that he should have handled the situation better. Now I'm realizing I didn't outright demanded an apology. But to answer his question, /r/relationships, am I devaluing our relationship by making an un-welcomed, and un-apologized for, tap on my face a breaking point?
tl;dr:
Boyfriend and I are play fighting and he upsets me by tapping my face. I show the fact of the matter and he gets mad at me. I get even more upset (because he refuses to apologize) and show that I'm willing to break up over this. He accepts this break up only to turn around and apologize. I happily take him back. Later, he questions whether we should be together, because he thinks that the situation wasn't calling for a break up. I disagree and now we can't come to a conclusion. What do you think?
Submitted May 04, 2015 at 07:43AM by Smokington http://ift.tt/1JjzzdN relationships
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