My mom is an extremely critical person. In the past, she has criticized me for how I hold a fork, how I put on my bra, and how I arrange food in the refrigerator. She likes things done a certain way and when they're not, she makes her disapproval known.
My mom liked my hair to be bone straight when I was child, and I hated it. I hated the act of straightening as much as the result. I stopped straightening it in college, letting my pen spring curls grow. My mom's first words upon seeing my hair in it's full, curly state were, "You look so ugly. No one will want you."
Five years later, she still comments on my hair every time I visit (about once a month, or every other month). She won't let it go. To her, my hair is ugly, unruly, embarrassing, impossible, difficult. Now, I agree my hair is difficult at times. Ugly? Never. I take care of my hair. About 50% of the time, I wear my hair in its afro state and constantly receive compliments on it by random strangers. When it's not big and fluffy, it's braided in some way or pulled into a bun. I receive compliments on these styles too. Not once has my hair been negatively commented on my anyone. I don't say this to brag, but to emphasize how jarring my mom's reaction is. She recoils when she sees it in a fro, and looks either saddened or repulsed. On more than one occasion, she has refused to take me with her in public unless I wore a hat or straightened my hair. The only styles she likes are ones in which my curls aren't visible.
She also hates my teeth. There have been times when she and I are laughing at a joke, and she'll stop and look at me and just say, "Your teeth are horrible. You need braces." Again, she's in the minority on this as I am constantly complimented on my smile (second to my hair, actually), but this one does sting a little.
Now, I'm not seeking her approval of my appearance. I have no intention on changing my hair, and don't want her criticisms or compliments. If someone could give me some insight as to why her opinions on my looks are so diametrically opposed to the rest of the population, that would be great. But I'm mainly looking for advice as to how I can make her stop.
We have had shouting matches over this. I have tried telling her that this is a topic off limits which shuts her up, for the day. I've tried being sweet, and telling her I don't want to spend the limited time I have with her for the month arguing. I've tried telling her she should be proud to have a daughter who is comfortable in her skin and confident. No matter what, she'll always bring it up again either on that same visit or the next. Lately I try to make sure my hair is braided when I see her and bring scarves, but sometimes it's really inconvenient and doesn't always stop her. And I shouldn't have to do this.
tl;dr: I changed my looks 5 years ago, and my mom reminds me at every opportunity how much she hates it. How can I make this woman shut up about it?
Submitted April 20, 2015 at 09:23PM by nouvellefiasco http://ift.tt/1EkgNEP relationships
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