Norman settled down on the couch after the final day of a relaxing long weekend. He'd just played a energetic round of tennis with his neighbor whom he didn't intend to keep in touch with should he ever move away.
"I better fix dinner before I get comfortable." Norman decided, heaving himself up to a standing position. He opened his refrigerator and stood back. "Nothing to eat in here. It's too full." He closed the door and thought a moment. He wondered in his head "Do I want a whole meal or would a well choreographed snack be sufficient? I guess I did have an early lunch." Norman opened his freezer and found two perfectly good options. Half a box of fish sticks or a frozen pizza with pesto and sun-dried tomatoes. He settled on the fish sticks, since they were open. He read the directions and turned the knob to preheat his oven for the specified 325 degrees Fahrenheit.
Norman returned to his favorite spot in the couch, where he'd left a "comfort" indentation, to wait for the oven to warm. Just as he was about to sit, it occurred to him, he'd been out of town last weekend. So the fish sticks may be older than he originally expected. He checked the expiration date, and sure enough, they'd turned two days prior. He put his textured slippers on and tossed the box in the outside trash so they wouldn't emanate a fishy odor in thawing in the kitchen trash. He returned and went about putting the pizza in the oven. Fortunately the pizza was also to be cooked at 325 degrees, so no further manipulation of the oven was required.
Finally situated on the couch, he flipped the TV on to channel 12 ice hockey. Or at least, he tried to. The remote wouldn't turn on the television. He tried aiming it at different spots of the TV. He took his cable box out of the cabinet so it was visible to the remote. When that didn't work he finally, begrudgingly, went to the supply drawer at the other end of the room to find a D battery and screwdriver with which to change it.
He made a note on his pad to buy more D batteries as he returned to the couch. But the battery change was futile. "I'm sure I still have that warranty card somewhere." Norman thought as he gritted his teeth. After searching through old receipts he recovered the manual and purchase agreement which held the warranty code. He located the 1-800 number on his cable box and went through the touch tone menu, then was placed on a brief hold. They played a pleasant mix of muzak and light rock whilst he waited.
When an operator came on, he described the issue and the steps he'd taken to troubleshoot it. The operator, who claimed his name was "Pat" but was definitely born with a name closer to "Indrajit", was mild mannered but efficient. He asked Norman for his zip code, which he provided. He was then placed on another hold to the tune of a pop song which he cared for less than the previous selection.
Pat returned a minute later. "Norman, I am pleased to inform you that EveryTown cable will be able to replace your remote at no extra charge as you are within your warranty expiry date. You can have it shipped to you or you may pick it up at any of our partner stores such as Best Buy or Radio Shack. In the meantime you will find all the regular remote functions are accessible through manual buttons on your cable box. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you, and would like to credit your account $25 to be put towards your next cable bill." Norman thanked them for their assistance and arranged to have the new remote shipped to him. He declined expedited shipping as he was going out of town again soon, and wanted to be home to receive the package.
He hung up the phone and, using a hot pad, removed his pizza from the oven. Transferring it to a plate he sat down to watch his ice hockey game. The pizza was a bit undercooked but Norman had already turned off the oven and decided it was fine as it was.
Submitted October 02, 2016 at 10:35AM by ligamentary http://ift.tt/2dlTct6 lifeofnorman
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