Too dimwitted to learn anything depression

I don't know the right sub to seek help like this. I am not clinically depressed over this but I do feel like it's a serious issue that I should stop neglecting.

I'm curious about the world - about science, mathematics, history and all sorts of stuff. Yet every time I try to do some research, either from books or the Internet, I cannot comprehend anything I'm reading. I want to be educated, to be smart, to be able to create stuff that people respect.

Even simple literature is a struggle to understand. I'm already failing high school in nearly all subjects -- the material just seems so oddly hard to reach. Like, it feels like I'm struggling to understand something simple.

I feel like my stupidity may be becoming too much to handle. I get headaches reading my textbooks or doing homework (high school level!) and now learning something new just feels boring and frustrating. I get easily confused when 'smart' people talk and try to explain things and my questions just frustrate both of us.

Reddit, I think I'm finally admitting that I'm just too stupid to do anything. Even ELI5 feels really complex, like something I have to read slowly, while being more condescending than necessary.

Yet, I'll remain determined. I want to be good at things in the real world. I want to understand more than the average man, to be well-read and knowledgeable. Life is filled with a huge amount of content and failing to explore and understand it, just passing through, is like wasting a gift.

Since I was young, I thought grown ups knew how the world worked, the technicalities. They knew exactly what makes a television show images and play sound in synchronization or how a refrigerator cools food, and their history. The fact people don't disturbed me. How could you live life dependent on devices you don't understand?

I am very fortunate to live in a world where easy access to information is readily available, where I could search how all these devices work. The only problem is that I just can't comprehend it, at all. I don't get it.

I'm 16 now and all my life I've been escaping into something I understood - video games of any genre. I understand how the mechanics work, how to optimize my build or playstyle, and yet also have so much fun and passion along the way. Everyone is not expected to know the rules from the start so learning them, either through play or research, feels so rewarding. I feel like I'm intelligent for once.

I want to bring that to the real world. I want to learn how to learn. Where can I start, Reddit? I can't be doomed to stupidity, right? I mean, I (thinj) still struggled with reading at the age of eight or so. That can change, right? I'm not sure if I have to resort to escaping to video games and movies my whole life because it's something I actually understand.

Flowers for Algernon is one of my favourite novels of all time because I really related to Charlie.

Submitted June 10, 2015 at 02:59PM by CaveRaves1 http://ift.tt/1QnQALi depression