I wrote the first draft of this screenplay years ago (2010?), and walked away from screenwriting while building a career in IT. Friends recently urged me to try my hand at it again, so I dusted this script off with about a week of rewriting and submitted it. The review was far more positive than I was expecting. I had resigned myself to something in the 4-range (an industry download gave it that rating), and once it was confirmed I was going to move on.
PROFESSIONAL EVALUATION #1
Overall Rating 7/10 Premise 8/10 Plot 7/10 Character 8/10 Dialogue 7/10 Setting 8/10
REVIEW Era 1960s - Contemporary
Locations American South
Budgets Medium
Genre Horror, Monsters, Occult
Logline An aging hospital patient recounts the disturbing resurrection that destroyed his small Southern town.
Strengths With its powerful imagery and beautifully crafted dread, AMERICAN HUNGER brings an intelligence and thematic vitality to its proceedings that are rarely seen in contemporary specs. Like all good horror fiction, the script uses its supernatural elements to examine some painfully human themes, and the focus on race, class, and religion are extremely potent here. Bolstered by an exceptional sense of place, AMERICAN HUNGER's horror is vast, cosmic, and remarkably disturbing, and the writer treats their material with a seriousness and respect that prevents it from becoming derivative, "fun" genre spectacle. Kim's initial harassment is just as upsetting and unshakable as the undead elements, and while Alister could have so easily been presented as an arch, one-dimensional type, the horror of his persona and rituals are profoundly affecting. Reggie grounds the narrative well as both audience surrogate and framing device, and the muscular action description makes for an immersive, highly-cinematic read. While certainly not a script for all audiences, AMERICAN HUNGER is an intelligent, vibrant study of doom and sin, and its originality is refreshing.
Weaknesses Because the script does not lack for substance or perspective, AMERICAN HUNGER's shortcomings are almost entirely formal. The script's pace feels sluggish rather than deliberately slow-burn at present, and judicious editing in the interest of greater economy and propulsion wouldn't come amiss. Much of the excess bulk can be lost from the dialogue-heavy execution as the lengthier exchanges and monologues risk becoming sluggish when realized on screen. The peripheral ensemble members may also benefit from stronger introductions as it occasionally becomes difficult to keep track of all of the players. For example, it may prove too easy for a reader to forget who Miranda is when she reappears, and while more consistent attention is not necessary, more powerful initial appearances for every character will benefit future drafts.
Prospects: AMERICAN HUNGER could be (unfairly) deemed too off-beat for a conventional/mainstream treatment, but a refined draft could perhaps find success in the independent world as the passion project of a bankable, adventurous talent. Regardless of production, the script stands to serve its author well as a formidable writing sample a version or two down the road, and these pages alone showcase a tremendous tone and visual sensibility. Additional editing is advised at this stage, but there is more than enough artistic merit on display here to warrant the screenwriter's continued efforts.
Pages 114
If anyone wants to check it out, here's the link: http://ift.tt/2rWx1DS
(I did start a new project last night, and though it's going to require a refrigerator's worth of research, I'm very much looking forward to it.)
Submitted June 05, 2017 at 06:13PM by king_felix http://ift.tt/2qPI0uF Screenwriting
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