Three men die and go to heaven. Jokes

They are greeted by Saint Peter. Saint Peter explains to the three that heaven is getting overcrowded, and he is only letting people with horrible deaths to pass. The first man, confident in his story, goes first.

"I was suspecting my wife has been cheating on me for awhile, so I decided that I would come home early to prove my wife's innocence or catch her doing the dirty. When I came home, I immediately found my wife in our room, panting and naked. I looked around franticly for the other person, yelling at her at the same time. When I finally gave up, I decided to go onto my balcony , on the twelfth floor of my apartment, for a smoke to calm my nerves. I was admiring the city scenery when I looked down and low and behold a naked man was hanging from my balcony. I stepped on his fingers, one by one, until he was only holding on my his right index finger, in which I burned his finger with my cigarette. He fell, and that lucky bastard landed in the decorative bushes in front of the apartment. In all of my rage, I picked up my kitchen refrigerator and through it at the guy. Unfortunately, the wire cord was curled around my leg, and I followed my fridge down, and now I'm here."

Saint Peter, taken aback by the cruel murderous way he handled his situation, yet feeling bad for the mans situation and entertained by the obviously interesting story, let him through. He then motioned the second guy over, and the he starts telling his story.

"I was doing my daily naked yoga on my thirteenth story balcony, when the bars became loose, I wasn't with my peaceful self, and I fell of the balcony. Luckily, I was able to grab the balcony below me. Suddenly, a man came out for a smoke. I tried yelling for him to help, but the city noises drowned me out. When he finally found me, he got stomping mad. And I mean he was stomping my fingers, one by one, until he put his cigarette out on my last finger. I fell of, said a small prayer, and I landed in a bush. Because of my miraculous circumstances, I gave one more prayer in thanks, and when I look back up, and a large white mass comes crashing down on me. And now I'm in front of you."

Saint Peter was very sympathetic, noticing the similarities between the first and second man, and decides to let him pass for injustice. Saint Peter beckoned the third guy over, when he says, "Oh, I almost didn't recognize you!

Hi Dave!"

Submitted November 21, 2016 at 05:33AM by bushwukkie http://ift.tt/2eV68tW Jokes