verbal abuse, suicide mention
I've been decent friends with someone I've considered close to for 2-3 years now. In the beginning, it seemed like we'd be really good friends for a long time. My friend had encouraged me to break from my anxieties of leaving my house to go do fun and promising things. We'd sometimes go out and share drinks and roam around our favorite city. We'd talk on and on about our mental issues (their autism, my depression and anxiety) and the problems we deal with on a daily basis. Things were good.
Until they weren't. More specifically as it seems, since my friend started dating their now Boyfriend.
Since they've started dating and living together, I've noticed that my friend has been stressed out and agitated a lot. They've gotten into a lot of fights with the boyfriend which always end up with the threat of breaking up, and sometimes even having the police called. When I've tried to be helpful in these situations and try to give advice, everything is ignored. My friend claims that her boyfriend invalidates her feelings and doesn't show affection the way that she needs, but in spite of these things, doesn't want to leave him no matter how bad it gets, because to her, being alone is worse than anything.
It got to the point that these two were fighting so often over ANY little thing, and my friend was coming to me constantly over this, which was starting to stress me out for many reasons. Mainly the fact that my friend never seemed to want to listen to my advice or help, and would sometimes get mad at me if it seemed like I was "taking sides". It got to the point that my friend would start going off on me, calling me names, and telling me what a terrible person I was. It was honestly getting too much to deal with.
For awhile, I had to block her. I had to remove her from my life. I couldn't deal with the stress and I couldn't be the person they could go to when I was starting to become so mentally drained from the stress of her relationship situation.
Anyways, time went on. I started to miss her and eventually tried to rekindle our friendship. She had apologized for recently blowing up on me, and although I was still rather nervous about her recent behaviors, I wanted to be there for her and give our friendship another chance. So.. I did.
A few months have passed, and it all looks promising for me, my friend, and my friend's boyfriend who is also kind of my friend. They've had a few arguments in that time, but my friend seems to assure me that things will work itself out. That didn't last long, and one day my friend decided that since she felt her boyfriend wasn't giving her the affection she desired, and she didn't want to move out, that she'd try to kill herself. I spent a good few hours trying to calm her down until her boyfriend returned from work, afraid that my friend would seriously do something harmful.
And then... just like that, the next day, things were fine again.
And now, for the present. New Years, the party over at their place. I came over to have a good time with them and all seemed promising until I had to witness my friend friend yelling at her boyfriend over something completely mundane with the food in the refrigerator. It was that point I should have just had my girlfriend take me with her to the party she was going to, but everything sizzled down so fast and my friend apologized that I just, felt hopeful things would be alright. Like a damned fool.
Then, the next day, I woke up and I heard my friend berating and screaming and crying at her boyfriend to the point that I was afraid that she'd leave the room and come to me for comfort, and that I'd accidentally do or say something she wouldn't like, and then she'd scream in my face about it.
I sat in the living room until it all died down. An hour later, they both come out of the room and my friend's boyfriend goes to make Pizza. My friend keeps asking when it's going to be done, and he tries to remind her until a point she gets fed up with the wait and storms off to the bedroom to fall asleep (which felt like a blessing for me).
I had her boyfriend take me home and honestly... I don't think I ever want to go back over there. I don't think I want to involve myself in all this, and I don't know if I can handle the responsibility of being friends with my friend anymore. I can't even call her out on her behavior or how she treats her boyfriend because to her, it's all HIS fault and it's his fault every single time.
I've tried and tried and TRIED to encourage her to get help, more help than she's getting. I've tried to encourage her to try to go inpatient for awhile. In all honestly, I'm at a loss for what to do. I'm supposed to have my birthday party at their house the day before my birthday this month, but I no longer even want that.
I now need help on trying to break things off with my friend. I'm too tired, too stressed out, and too anxious to keep this going. I don't know how to end things properly, and I'm honestly afraid that they will get really mad and say or do something to act out.
tl;dr: I want to break things off with my friend because she's verbally abusive and says and does hurtful things to her boyfriend and me. I'm unsure how to go about this, as I'm sort of afraid of my friend at this point from their verbal abuse in the past and having to witness them screaming irl.
Submitted January 03, 2018 at 01:32AM by satanie http://ift.tt/2ECNwIb relationships
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