It is such a blessing to have found this site, and all of you! Every day, I look forward to reading about all of our successes and some setbacks, but most of all, our journeys that brought us here! I have been sober for 80 days now, which I am grateful for. My goal is to always “keep it in the day” and not to project or let my ego get in the way, when trying to do the next right thing.
See, I had 2200+ days of sobriety between 2004-2010, just a little over 6 years! My life was good! Family was doing well, I was promoted at work, I was volunteering my time, keeping busy…but most of all I was keeping sobriety, One day at Time. That was for the first 4 years, at least. Then I thought I had it! I started doing the things I shouldn’t do because,..well, I thought I had it. I would meet friends at bars, but only drink seltzer. I fell out of my routine that I established in the mornings, and just neglected to do what I should have done to stay sober.
What we have is a progressive disease. I need to remember that. I can meet friends at bars for seltzer, one time, two times…twenty times…but eventually, I am going to pick up a drink. I can drink non-alcohol beer 40 times, but the 41’st time I will drink one with alcohol. I need to “Think it Through” “Play the Tape Forward.” Even if we are not big fans of AA (and I am not always) but, I need to remember the slogans! I finally picked up a drink in a bar (surprise!) in 2010! No shock here since I had been testing/tempting myself for 2 ½ years. I drank about 3 beers that night. What? Moderation!! Again, I thought, I got this! I have been sober for so long, that I have learned how to moderate! Go me! Progressive disease, man! Yeah, I “moderated” for 1-3 months…struggled to moderate is more like it….3-6 months, the drinks/bottles started piling up in the trunk of my car….by 6 months, I was worse than I had been before. Hanging out in dark parking lots, chugging while watching for cops… brown bags with empty cans and bottles stuffed behind the garage refrigerator, bottles in the drop ceiling of the basement. That’s how far moderation got me! This went on for the next 7 years. Sad. Kids were getting older and knew what was happening, I was withdrawing from everyone. My Wife had almost given up on me. I have to change! It begins with my way of thinking. Go back to what you learned 13 years ago! I am trying again! I am excited! Excited to have found this site, and excited to have found all of you! I admit, I like to see the days on the badge, but I know deep down, that, for me, there is no goal line, it is what I do Today,…in this day, in this hour, in this moment! Once, when I was about a year into sobriety, I said to one of my friends who had about 20 years…”I wish I had 20 years”….he said “I’ll trade you my 20 years for your 1 year” I was kind of shocked by this…and he said “all we have is today anyway….do the right thing.” I wish that would have stayed with me! I apologize for the length of this message, but I am so grateful to all of you, and all that you have done. Sometimes we never know what another person is going through, and how we can help them by the smallest word of gesture. Be well! I Will Not drink With You Today!!!
Submitted January 25, 2018 at 09:35PM by Quelst25 http://ift.tt/2Ea0Sf5 stopdrinking
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