My first post and I suck at writing so bear with me!
At the beginning of December my girlfriend of 3 years dropped a bombshell on me and said that she is too young for a relationship and wants to find her independence. We had previosly been planning a trip to Thailand together but now she tells me that shes had her visa accepted and wants to live and work in Australia for a couple months or up to 2 years(leaving start of Febuary).
I was devasted when she told me, but at the same time I understood where she's coming from and that we both have to work on ourselves. You could say the breakup was somewhat mutual. She told me that she still loves me and is really attracted to me so there could be a future for us down the road.."if it's meant to be, it's meant to be" sorta shit.
However, in the back of my mind I thought she could be using this as some sort of excuse to play the field for the last couple months that shes here because she had just turned 19 in October and started going out to strip clubs and drinking with friends( guys and girls) quite a bit.
I went no contact after the breakup.
After a couple weeks of not seeing eachother, she told me she wanted to drop off my Christmas present, and we ended up meeting up and having sex. She asked if we could be FWB and not have any emotional commitments to eachother.I reluctantly agreed because I'm still crazy in love with her and thought I could somehow win her back. Delusional, I know.. I was still trying to text her(she would barley reply) and play the role of being a boyfriend without being able to say were together. This whole time shes texting/snapchatting other guys while were cuddling and hanging out and it made me really uncomfortable. I asked who she's texting ,she pretty much said its none of my business anymore because were not together and I should stop being so possessive. (Nice little loophole she made for herself).
After that she told me we should" just be friends" because she could tell it was taking its toll on me..This is all while were half naked about to go to bed beside eachother. I was really choked up, coming to the realisation that there is no hope in recovering this relationship.I gave her an "ok" while I waited for her to fall asleep.I grabbed all my stuff and just walked out at 3am.Kind of a dick move but I was sick of being rejected.
Went no contact again, this time putting my phone on airplane mode because I knew I would be reeled back in if I saw her calling and texting me.
After a week I disabled airplane mode and got a call from her the same day saying she was pissed off that I left without an explanation and why I'm so indecisive with what I'm telling her. She had apparently been calling me everyday. We talked for an hour and I explained my jealousy issues with the guy(s) she's been hanging out with/texting. She told me that they are nothing to her and she isn't interested in looking for any sort of relationship. She wants to be single. This made me feel a lot better but we still agreed to not see eachother because I'm still attached.
She starts texting me a couple hours later asking what I'm doing tonight. I tell her I'm busy with jiu jitsu and try to be very short with her. I ask what she's up to and says she is out drinking with friends.I reply "nice" and go to bed
I'm woken up at 7am from my phone ringing. It's her and she tells me that she just wokeup and doesn't know what happened lastnight. She asked if i could pick her up ..Apparently she got really drunk and took some Xanax(passed out on some dudes couch). I'm obviously very concerned at this point so I agree to come pick her up. Luckily her best friend since middle school was with her the whole night and made sure nothing happened to her.
I bring her back home and then she asks if I want to hangout...At this point, she has me right where she wants me, and knows I'm too weak to resist. I agree, within 15 min were fucking like animals (I have no self control when I'm around her) She then becomes all googley eyed and gives me the warm eye contact and smiles that had previously faded and we end up spending the whole day/night together.
She fell asleep while we were watching Netflix and I noticed that her iPhone messenger was connected to her MacBook. My heart started beating out of my chest because I immediately had the gut feeling I wouldn't like what I would see. I know it was wrong but I couldn't resist, I needed closure .I opened it up and saw a convo from a random number, not added to contacts asking if she could pickup some boxes. All her replies were deleted.He then sends he a short clip of him shirtless blowing a kiss. Red flag #1.
Then I go into her best friends convo where, again most of her replies are deleted. However she didn't delete a message saying "dude his dick finally got hard and it was so small" and said "it sucked, not what I needed" I know she wasn't talking about me because the date on the message was when we wernt seeing eachother and I know I'm not lacking in that department ;D Red flag #2
Then I see one last string of messages saying I hung out with "guy" and we watched the bachelor and drank hot chocolate, it was fun. There wernt any other messages for a bit just "My hand like didn't even close while feeling it" ---My guess is this dude hat a fat cock lol idk there wasn't much context because they were talking on Facebook as well. Red flag #3
This all happend lastnight. I later asked her when she woke up if shes been with anyone since weve broken up and she lies straight to my face.Im not going to admit to going thru her computer because it's a big invasion of privacy and were not even in a relationship.
I know I can't trust her and she shattered my heart to the point that I'm numb. Ive accepted the fact she's been fucking other guys.What pisses me off is the lying and deceit (what if one of these guys has an STD or some shit). I gave her some great sex yesterday( she kept saying how good it was) . Question is should I just go no contact and have some self respect/ leave her in the dust, knowing she threw away the only guy that actually cares for her? or continue to have casual sex lol..
Long sorry short: broke up with first love,became friends with benefits, she lies about not seeing other people, I find out and am torn between staying or walking out of her life entirely .
I know I've been walked all over in this relationship but this girl is drop dead gorgeous and is very open sexually so I impulsively think with my dick rather than my head .
If you've read this whole thing you get a gold star on my refrigerator . Don't really expect replies, it's just therapeutic to write this all out.
Submitted January 07, 2018 at 02:24AM by the_faithful_harlot http://ift.tt/2ABbWi1 relationship_advice
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