St Peter was standing at the gates of heaven. Jokes

See, heaven was pretty full, and in order to get in, you had to have had something terrible happen to you. So he was talking to everyone who showed up, trying to find out who was deserved to enter the pearly gates.

The first man came up. He says:

Well, I got off work early today, so I thought I'd go home and surprise my wife. When I got to my apartment, the door was locked. That was kind of odd, but whatever. I went in and my wife was sitting in the bedroom, face flushed, hair a mess, breathing heavily, and wearing lingerie. So I start looking for the guy. I searched every nook and cranny in that house and didn't see him anywhere. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone's fingers as they dangled from my 5th floor balcony. Naturally, I started stomping on his hands and trying to pry his fingers loose, but the fucker wouldn't fall. So I did the next best thing I could think of and grabbed the refrigerator and threw it on him. But I fell down too, so here I am.

St Peter takes pity on the poor guy and lets him in.

Then, the next guy walks up. St Peter gives him the spiel about having to explain how he died and this guy says:

Well, I was having a great day. I woke up early, ate healthy, started really committing to my diet. I was determined that today was the first day of the rest of my life. And it was so beautiful out today that I decided to work out on the balcony of my 6th floor apartment. But as I was exercising, I fell down. I just managed to grab onto the balcony beneath me and nothing but my fingertips were holding me up. I was scared and praying that I would somehow get out if this! Then, I thought my prayers were answered! A man walked out and before I could even ask for help, he started stomping on my fingers! I was fighting with everything in me to just hold on, and after a minute, he walked away. I was just starting to ask god for help again when this asshole threw a refrigerator on me! So here I am.

St Peter kind of chuckled, but felt horrible for this poor guy, so he let him in.

The third guy walks up and gets the spiel about heaven being full.

He looks right at St Peter and says:

So there I was, butt naked in the refrigerator...

Submitted June 04, 2017 at 11:53AM by mandolin2712 http://ift.tt/2rFvNM5 Jokes