Hello everyone,
I hope this is the right place to post about this, but I think my mother is emotionally abusing and trapping me with her, and I don't know what to do.
I guess it is best to start explaining my story to you.
I'm 17 years old and am currently living with my mother, who has been suffering from depression for 10 years now. My parents are divorced since 2014, and this is also where basically everything started.
My father left my mother, because she was already suffering from depression for many years back then. When she had an opportunity to get help, she refused and was being close-minded after my father made a small comment about her upcoming therapy. She basically tore apart the papers that would have gotten her into therapy, leaving her untreated up until now.
My father was emotionally torn apart by my mothers condition because she refused to accept the support he wanted to give her, which is why he ultimately left her.
After my father left and told us that he wanted to divorce from my mother, her condition worsened. Even though my mother and I generally weren't on good terms, constantly fighting with eachother when I was younger, I decided to live with her, because I was worrying about her mental condition.
Those last 3 years that I lived together with my mother became increasingly more abusive. It started with her trying to come up with a conspiracy story on how my father is the reason for her depression, and that he is basically Satan reincarnated (I will not go into detail on this, because I would have to explain a huge amount of things for it to make sense). She demonizes everything he does and says, scarring the relationship between my father and myself. Due to her twisting the relationship between myself and my father, I suffered under generalised anxiety disorder, and I had to go through two years of succesful therapy after that.
So the relationship between myself and my father normalized again, which is when the real shit started.
My mother keeps saying that he wants to influence me into becoming a bad person, even though he fully supports me and my dreams and just from the bottom of his heart apologizes for everything I had to go through. She is being really emotional and starts an argument about every little bit of freedom I try to gain. The mentality with which she argues is something like "You go outside, you pursue your hopes and dreams and you try to have a good relationship with your father, but I cannot. And that is why you have to feel bad about doing so."
It is really destroying me on the inside, even though I have learned to at least partially cope with the emotional stress, because of therapy.
In addition to that, we had to move out of the house we were living in. We are living in a small apartment building and about one year after moving in, my room is pretty much the only room that does not look like shit. I am very organzied in general, which is why it disgusts me just going outside of my room. There are STILL tons of cardboard boxes filled with stuff standing around everywhere, together with parts of furniture that has not been put together yet. The floor is mostly dirty/dusty. In the living room (if you could even call it like that), where my mother spends most of her day, if she is not sleeping, is a pile of corneal skin that my mother peels of her feet, when she is watching TV. The kitchen is just overall really disgusting, with dishes piling up and pieces of food/sometimes lying on the floor. To top it off, our refrigerator recently broke, which is why I have to be really careful about not eating something that has already gotten moldy.
Every time I reprimand her to finally change something about the situation she says that she can't because her depression is just draining her energy to do so. On the contrary, one could argue that I could have taken things into my own hands, after one whole year, but there are two reasons as to why I couldn't do this. First and foremost, every time I wanted to take initiative, my mother screamed at me for how she wants to take care of things on her own, stopping any progress from happening. The best I could try to achieve is cleaning the floor of the whole apartment/washing the dishes every now and then.
The other reason is that I tried really hard keeping up with my grades, which I somehow accomplished in all that mess. I am going to graduate in week with a grade of 1.4 in the German equivalent of A levels, which is actually pretty good, considering 1.0 is the maximum.
What was the final straw in realising the abuse of my mother, was that she overreacted both at a BBQ with her friends over a minor thing, as well as at our family christmas reunion. In both cases her pride was smudged in some way shape or form, even though it was, as I mentioned, a very minor thing. On our family reunion she smashed a plate and hurt my uncle who also had to go through some shit.
I came to the conclusion that it I would probably be better off moving to my supportive and sane dad, than staying with my mother, and risking that I will be hindered in my emotional, mental, and professional development. When I broke the news to my mother she played the "we are a family card", and that the consequence of me moving out is that she would legally be required to move once more, which is something that she just couldn't do in terms of mental stability. I am really torn apart because of this and I dont't know what I should do. I tried consulting friends and teachers, but they weren't really sure what to do either, even though some of them said that I should get the hell out of where i live. Should I move to my father and risk severly harming my mother, at the cost of potentially giving up my own potential, or should I stay with her and try to survive the following years in hopes that she finally recieves treatment?
This dilemma leaves me sleepless.
I stumbled upon this subreddit, after reading through some comments on askreddit, and I contemplated a long time, if I should even post this. But I really need advice, because I cannot seem to find an answer to my seemingly hopeless situation...
Submitted June 08, 2017 at 04:34AM by Diaswordplay http://ift.tt/2rX5q4D raisedbynarcissists
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