I just got started on yet another round of giggles over this morning's confusion when I went into the refrigerator to get my lunch (which was - you guessed it - a smoothie), so I thought this may be worthy of sharing with you ladies.
Some backstory: in my house it is no secret that I am the hardcore one. I get a goal and go after it singlemindedly, sometimes past the point of reason. My husband can be a bit airheaded (most famous incident - asking me if I had made homemade pizza or bought frozen while he was eating said pizza out of a Domino's box). In November I had a colon cancer scare, which did not end up being cancer but did lead to a couple of surgeries and a radical change in my diet to heal my gut after these procedures. Tdlr of that is now I am eating fruit & veggie smoothies 1-3 times a day - most of which look weird or gross because of their composition. So right now my singlemindedness is occupied with nutrient dense smoothies, getting healthy and feeling well for the first time in almost a decade.
Okay so - my husband has this fun routine wherein he disappears into the bathroom for at least an hour each morning to "get ready". During this time I'm usually toddler-wrangling and making my smoothies for the day - so I'm not having to prepare them during the all important quiet hour that is naptime. My husband texts me this morning to find out what flavor I'm making (because sometimes he'll drink it too) - to which I quip back "oxblood". He replies "lol pass"
Fast forward to nearly an hour later - I'm in the middle of wrangling toddler in to pants - which he is trying to insist belong on his arms - when I hear my husband scream from the kitchen "OH MY GOD". Thinking our cat has brought some poor half dead animal into our house that I'm going to have to dispose of again (hardcore one, remember?) I round the corner to see my husband looking quite pale and trying to compose himself...and holding my smoothie. The conversation that followed:
"Now look, truth_hungry," he starts "I supported you when you started this - you've felt better and lost weight. But what are you thinking? What if [toddler] drank this?"
"What are you talking about? He drinks that all the time! It's good for us!"
He gets visibly shaken
"When. were you going to tell me. that you have our toddler. drinking blood? I thought you were joking!"
I was speechless for about 5 seconds while I processed what he said. Then I was no good. I had to sit on the kitchen floor I was laughing at him so hard. There were a lot of "stop laughing! This isn't funny! Have you lost its?" From his before I finally gasped out
"Blueberries....hahahahahaha...kale...hahaha...carrots and celery....hahahahahahahahahahaha....orange juice. No blood. Why would I use blood? Hahaha...would taste...awful....Hahahahahahahahahahahaa."
Ladies I laughed him out of the room. Then when it was time for him to go to work I couldn't compose myself to kiss him goodbye. I'm still laughing at him. To be fair the smoothie was an unholy dark crimson and had browned a little before he saw it so definitely I can see between my joke and how it looked how he thought I might have been serious. Guess I need to bottle up some red wine and serve it to him in a IV bag tonight. OMG. Sometimes married life is beyond comedic.
Submitted March 04, 2017 at 11:49PM by Truth_hungry http://ift.tt/2mE2CHG breakingmom
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