It's been a year since you called it off. I still keep trying to work out what it was you didn't like about us, we had all the makings for something good, and you dropped it ..just to see what else was out there?
Man, it was one of the lowest points in my life. Recovering from being sick took months, then suddenly I had to find a new job, rent a new apartment, all while dealing with all this shitty sadness you heaped on top. You ripped my foundations from underneath me, while I was away from home and family in a foreign country.
You called it a break but very quickly I realised I could not be back with someone who could drop me so coldly in my time of need. When the going got tough you just iced me out.
What was really so wrong with us? How could you hold on to that feeling of unease and unhappiness in a relationship for so long without telling me? To find out you had talked about it with other people way before even discussing it with me really knocked me down. You hit me out of nowhere. I just wish you'd talked about it with me long before.
I was hospitalised again last week, and this time when they asked me who my emergency contact was I was pleased that I had a shortlist of people I could rely on, they were the ones I stayed for in the end. But I was sad that I couldn't put down that one person I had loved and been supported by for so many years. Lying in that hospital bed waiting for blood tests and examinations thinking about the last time. That person who had rushed over after work to bring me a care package. Waiting with a hot chocolate while I collected my discharge papers. Who held me so tightly when I was out, who'd had that fear in their eyes that they'd almost lost me. I thought we shared more than just the refrigerator.
I'm stronger now, by the way. In a wayy better place than I was a year and a half ago. Last week was just a minor setback on the road to recovery. I guess you won't know about any of those things, as we don't talk anymore. But I do hope you're okay too. They all say you're smoking a lot, making a habit of that stuff's not good for you man.
Your name slips out of my mouth sometimes like a vocal tic. For a while I just stopped kind of talking, so it wouldn't slip out anymore, but that didn't work. Keeping it bottled up doesn't help. Not talking is what got us to this point in the first place after all.
For now I guess we'll continue avoiding each other and staying to the other side of the room when we turn up to the same party. But maybe we'll pick up the conversation again some time. I just want to understand what went wrong so I can avoid this heartbreak again.
Submitted March 24, 2017 at 10:08PM by anonymo19284943 http://ift.tt/2nQhhA4 UnsentLetters
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