Ugh! That infernal buzzing again, and just as I was about to find out who murdered the kindly, old next door neighbour of the protagonist of my favourite detective series. Okay, enough was enough.
I closed the book and got up to go to the source of buzzing. Turns out it was a measly fly. I took a deep breath. I am inherently non-violent (although my near and dear ones wrongly think its spinelessness), but when it comes to choosing between a lowly member of the insect family and a slower, albeit luckier version of Sherlock Holmes, my decision is clear. The fly had to go.
I took aim with the fly swatter. I was just about to unleash my justifiable (yet hardly earth shattering) fury, when I heard a voice. “Hey, man! Do you mind? I only have 10 days to live and I don’t want to spend them with a broken appendage.” “Oh yeah? What makes you think you’ll come out of this with only a broken appendage?” I was just about to say this, when the fly spoke again. “I see you’ve been catching up on your reading.I’ve already read this one. The butler did it.”
Ugh! Spoiler alert!! “ Wait, how the hell do you know?” I asked. “ Well, isn’t that how it usually goes?” I put down the fly swatter and quickly scanned the last pages of the book. Damn! Well, so much for clichés.
Still, I may not be the alpha male I’ve always wanted to be, but I sure was not going to take sass from a fly. “ I’m giving you a last chance. Buzz out of here or get ready to die.” I threatened. “ Is that an ultimatum? Ooh, I’m so scared.” That was the last straw. I took aim and lashed at the fly with the swatter.
Well, of course I missed. I guess my aunt is right. I have worse aim than a blind, drunk man trying to shoot barrels at a country fair. I looked around. No flies, no buzzing. Good riddance.
Now, you may be thinking why I wasn’t surprised that a fly had been talking to me. No, I’m not loony, I do not have conversations with flies or other critters on an everyday basis. I mean, sometimes when I haven’t cleaned the refrigerator in months, I imagine it calling out to me, begging me to do so. But I believe that is just those noxious vapors playing with my head. Eccentric maybe, but I’m definitely not loony. That’s what I thought anyway, until a fly started talking to me.
Anyway, trying not to think too much about it, I got up to make a meal. Maybe, my empty stomach was playing tricks on me. Just as I was about to spread generous portions of marmalade on toast, I heard police sirens outside. I was momentarily surprised, then got back to the toast. Suddenly, something buzzed past my eyes and tried to attack the jar of marmalade. No prizes for guessing what it was. “ Get away from my marmalade, you disgusting thief!” I roared. I also waved the butter knife in its direction, for effect. “ Hey! What did I ever do to you to warrant this kind of treatment?” The fly asked in a mock-lamenting tone. “ WHAT do you want?” “ Ok, here it is. I want to have a conversation with a human before I leave this world for “The Great Realm of Immortal Souls of Flies”. In short, the GRISF.” The GRISF? What a load of crap. But, I let it go. The fly continued. “ I want you to listen to the story of my life.” “ You say life like you’re a billionaire who one day suddenly sprouts wings or something” Ignoring my taunt, the fly asked, “ will you or won’t you?” “ Considering you’ve ruined my novel anyway, go on” The fly cleared its throat, “ So, it all began fifteen days.. “ Wait, do you have a name?” I interrupted. “ What? A name? Don’t be ridiculous, I’m just a fly.” Oh sure. A fly that can talk, that’s perfectly normal. “ Anyway, what I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, was that…
Ok I’m going to spare you the grief and not mention what the fly told me. Trust me, it was all about disgusting eggs, larvae, pupas and what not. It goes without saying I couldn’t finish my marmalade on toast.
“….And that, my friend, is the story of my life.” I stared at it, speechless (mostly, because I didn’t want to hurl). “ Wow! I was expecting an applause, but awkward silence will have to do, I guess.” The fly seemed genuinely hurt. The kind hearted soul that I am, I tried to sound encouraging. “ Well, it was not ummm, what I was expecting. But, for fifteen days, I mean, a lot has happened.”
Submitted March 12, 2017 at 09:07AM by RashmiKurtakoti http://ift.tt/2mxi6dO shortstories
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