This happened several years ago, but I believe it fits the criteria for a perfect fuck up. I was 13, and went out to my friend's orchard with a group of people to play paintball. It is a pretty large property, around 100 acres, so we were walking around looking for the best terrain to get our game going. We found a spot on the perimeter of the property that was perfect. Where the neat rows of almond trees ended, there was a stretch of land that basically resembled a junkyard. A rusted out car, an old shed, pallets and shit all over the ground, lots of good stuff to use for cover.
We split our teams up and started our first game - this is where the fuck up begins. The junkyard isn't huge, so I can see the opposing players are moving within range pretty fast. The best spots for cover have already been taken by my teammates, and I'm taking fire from directly in front of me. I try to squeeze myself behind a skinny tree, but it isn't doing much good. Paint balls are splattering all around, my adrenaline is pumped up, and I'm frantically looking for better cover. That's when I see the sheet metal. A 3' by 3' square of metal is lying on the ground a few yards in front of me. My brilliant idea was to run out, grab it, and prop it against my tree so I can crouch behind it for better cover. Keep in mind that was a junkyard with shit ALL over the ground. It certainly didn't look out of place, and the thought of it being there for a very important reason never crossed my mind. I bolt out under fire, firing back, feeling like motherfucking Neo. I get to the lid and start to lift it up. I'm not really looking down because I'm trying to see where the other team is moving. It's heavier than I expected, so I lean forward to put my weight into it – then blackness.
...
Suddenly, time has launched forward a good minute or so. I'm on my back, in some kind of dark chamber except for a small square skylight directly above me. I hear some yelling in the distance. Turns out my trusted source of cover was a lid. A lid which covered an underground storage tank, used for farm waste. My attention was so focused on the game that I lifted the metal up, took a step and fell twenty feet inside. BUT, it gets better. Not only is this tank used for old pig shit, somebody has been using it as a handy trash dump. It was full of old furniture, trash bags, car parts, etc. I happened to land directly on a refrigerator that some asshole was too cheap to take to the landfill.
So here I am, twenty feet down, sort of wading in a couple feet of murky shit water while laying on top of this fridge. I notice that I'm bleeding pretty badly from my head, and there is a chunk of the front of my leg missing. It looked exactly like somebody took out the flesh with an ice cream scoop. My friends freak out, call 911 and tell the operator I fell into a WELL (I don't blame them, they didn't know WTF it was). So the entire search and rescue operation is sent out, thinking they have a code 3 Baby Jessica situation on their hands. Fortunately, all they had to do was lower a ladder into the hole and (with some assistance) I was able to climb out. To add to my luck, right before they lowered it a firefighter DROPPED his big ass handheld radio in the hole, it lands deeeeep in the shit water, and he politely asked me to fish it out for him. So I get out and take an ambulance ride to the hospital, where I was the talk of the town. I overheard a nurse talking as I was wheeled in, "Ohhh shit! That's the kid that fell in the shit!" Great.
Many stitches went in my head and leg (the leg never healed properly and I have a big ugly divet now), but other than that I was good. Miraculously there were no infections. I think I was most upset about my paintball gun getting broken in the fall. Moral of the story... Don't be a dumb 13 year old? I guess?
TL;DR - Played paintball in a junkyard, fell into a shit-filled abyss, chilled on a fridge for a while, received many stitches.
Submitted September 05, 2016 at 04:34AM by chicken_N_ROFLs http://ift.tt/2claSE8 tifu
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