All --
I'm going to ramble a ton. Read it, don't read it. Just know that my intentions are good.
I read this subreddit on the daily, but rarely respond to things in timely fashion. I feel that it's of more benefit to others if I type out responses to what I've been seeing as of late. I hope that you guys don't take offense. However, in order to help others, I feel that it's necessary to be up front and direct. As someone who has been victorious against my n's, I hope that you can take my tips and tricks to heart. Anything else wouldn't serve you guys. Before you guys post, or get worked up, upset, or start to feel lost, I want you to read this, and repeat it to yourself until you're smiling and not crying anymore.
99 percent of the time, your N's aren't ever going to change. The rare few get therapy, and, out of the ones that due, only a few are able to gain both insight and understanding to the damage that they've done.
You, people of r/raisedbynarcississts, are a group full of people from all walks of life. We've got people here likely from thousands of countries, genders, origins, creeds, etc., and yet, the stories, the suffering, the stories of enduring, and the triumphs... are all the same story.
I'm not trying to make this about me. However, if it's ok, I'd like to share a trick that worked during my own n experiences. When they yell at you, find a place in your mind. Pick a memory, or think about coding, or a piece of music, or one thing that you can focus vividly on, and just keep your thoughts blank. Don't give any emotions.
If your n's hit you, walk right out the door, walk the five miles, and get an abuse kit at a police station. Protect yourself.
In most states, you can emancipate yourself at 17 years old. Start working now, and put money into a hidden account. If they ask you for it, say that you locked it into an ira, or an account overseas in anticipation of them trying to get their hands on it. Also, put your money into assets that have a high turnover value, and then put it into storage if need be.
If you get told that you're not good enough, simply answer with: "sounds like someone's projecting again." If your n isn't successful, you need to say back that you're already beating their success.
Don't put emotions into your responses. N's want any emotion that they can get from you. Just keep it business-like.
N's are creatures of habit. They love their creature comforts, and/or things that they can keep within their control. Learn to use this to your n's disadvantage. If you know that they have a habit of being upset at a particular time, or trying to steal from you, react ahead of time. I know that it may seem hard, but stop living in your feelings, stop preventing victory, and get a win for once. Stop worrying about skirmishes. Don't win the battle, win the war.
The sooner that you admit to yourself that your n's are incapable of loving other human beings, the better off you will be in life.
Speaking from past experiences, being homeless is better than living with an n. Sleep at the bus station and shower at the YMCA if you have to. As long as you're able to shower, eat, pay your phone bill, and get to work, you're good, even if times are hard.
Don't let n's talk to your kids. I don't care how nice they start being.
N's are nice to you because they want to hoover you back in. Once they've got you, they're going to drop the facade and go right back to basics. It's time to let go of hope and stop having faith in these people, because it will never be rewarded.
Here's one of the most important things: Since your parents aren't going to change, you need to start the mourning process, as if they're already gone. The truth is that they were never there in the first place. The sooner that you face it, the sooner you can start healing and moving forward.
Don't answer the door. Seriously, if you can afford it, get a pair of noise cancelling headphones. The great thing about them is that they cancel N noise. Just sayin'. Oh, you rang the doorbell? Hmmm, must not have been home. OH WELL! When you hear the doorbell, you go ahead and crank the volume on that Luke Cage or Stranger Things episode ALL THE WAY UP.
Learn to make fun of your n's. Seriously, learn to pity them, and laugh at them back. They hate when the mirror gets turned on them. Here's something that I used to do when I was forced to go to my n-family's house - SCENE N: Ohhhh this is terrible, that is terrible I start jumping up and down, pretending to have a tantrum, repeating their words in baby form. They hate it, but it's sooo funny. Go out to the dollar store and buy a baby bottle and fill it with whatever, and make the cap a little loose. It makes for good effect. Smear a little cake on your face, too. Repeat every response, and stamp up and down and pretend to cry. It's hilarious. It helped me to heal, and I hope that it does for you. My n-dad likes scotch, so I use apple juice to make my point. Use their gaslighting against them. You guys actually gave me an idea that I'll use if my n's try and contact me... When they try to gaslight me, just repeat their responses and use them with whatever they say. Don't invest, just do it for laughs. For example: they try to say that whatever you believe to happen is wrong. "That never happened". Anytime they use a verb, keep a recording of them saying "that never happened", and play it.
My n-dad tried to hoover me back in last week, and I sent him a picture of a vaccum cleaner. I don't think he understood the reference. You can take their insults and turn them into a pastime. Answer with emojis or really fun memes.
Just because they're miserable doesn't mean that you have to be miserable. I'm going to tell you something that's going to sting, and you're not going to like it. I'm going to reaffirm what I said earlier, in more depth. You're letting yourself down by having faith in your n's. Every time you cry, every time you get angry, or upset, you're failing yourself, and you're letting your inner child down. Stop doing that. Spend the next week facing whatever you've got to face, and then, let it go. Start over. If your n's scream, let them scream. If they want to break your PSP, they're going to. The thing is, once you're out, and working, you can buy as many psps as you want. It may take a bit. Things are nice, but that's ok, because it'll be that much sweeter when you have it. The feeling when they call and ask "what are you doing?", and you answer "PLAYING PSP IN MY APARTMENT" will be freeing for you. Also, learn to draw. You can draw on printer paper that you can usually get for free at school. You can get a pencil for a few cents. If you get good enough, you can make money selling art, and put money away to get out of there. N's don't realize that when they take your stuff away, they're speeding up the time in which they lose control over you.
Most n's can't see long term, minus the ones in corporate America/insert country here.
Go NC and put as much difference between you and them as possible. Go to your local police station, give their information, and let them know ahead of time that your n's might try to start something. That way, when they show up at your door, the police have a record of you saying something ahead of time.
You're special, you're awesome, and you're talented. I know that people like to vent. However, I notice that there aren't enough victory threads here. Let's do something to turn that around.
Record your n's for fun and safety purposes. I wanted to say for fun and profit, but this isn't the old west, now is it? Stop getting upset, stop letting your feelings get hurt, stop caring about your n's, and start caring about yourselves. Forget them. Go get your degree. Ask for a raise. Change your job. Set a date to leave and say enough to your n's. Go work overtime and meet that date. Keep the money somewhere else. Move out (RUN BARRY, RUN!) Go on a run. Work out. Go to therapy. Read a book. Create something fun or useful, or a combination thereof. Take that trip you've been meaning to take. Love yourself, your friends, your spouse, your kids, and BabyMetal. Your n's aren't Zoom. Since they don't have super speed, they can't say YOU CAN'T ESCAPE THE DARKNESS/Refrigerator. They're likely not built like Brock Lesnar, so that's not something that's stopping you from living your life. You're going to be ok, but only if you let yourself be ok. Start right now. My inbox is always open.
THE END
Submitted September 21, 2016 at 07:53AM by ComicSys http://ift.tt/2cY53zo raisedbynarcissists
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