the fucking stuipd new “Grand Mac” sandwich (by @dril) copypasta

so after scoring another pod cast interview i decide to reward myself to the golden archs. i buy the fucking stuipd new “Grand Mac” sandwich, the one that is the big mac, but even bigger than that. i forget to specify that my order is “To Go” so they hand me a tray with the sandwich on it. I do not want it served to me like this, but I do not take the tray back and asking for a bag is what pussys do. i take the tray outside to my car and place it at my feet, taking the sandwich off of it and reaching through the half open window to drop it into the passenger side seat. i peel out of the parking lot, leaving the tray, on the ashpalt. i drive home, to my house, and decide to save my sandwich for later because i have a stomach ache from the ordeal mentioned previously. i open the refrigerator and try to figure out how im going to do this. i unplug the microwave and use it to prop the refrigerator open until i can condouct research and form a plan. i log into bing and immediately a post comes up from a guy who says he ate a mcdonalds hamburger from a fridge once and got cholera and had to get his leg cut off. i get upset and decide to throw the sandwich away, but, it ocurs to me that that guy might have just been a dumb ass about keeping the germs off of it. so i unwrap the burger and put it on a plate. i take two pieces of paper out of the printer, placing one on top of the hamburger, and the other one below the plate. i loosely wrap the paper around the hamburger and pull out a Fucking huge line of scotch tape, that, i cannot ,cut, since i do not own a pair of scissors. i find some nail clippers and i use that to chew through the tape, instead. i wrap the big piece of tape around the hamburger, the 2 pieces of paper, and the plate, and repeat the process with another piece of tape. I keep wrapping tape around it until no part of the paper wrapper isnt covered with tape, making it 100% Sterile.. i place the entire plate with the burger and paper and tape all around it inside of a plastic shop-right bag for good measure, and close that off with a bag clip. i put it all in the fridge, put the microwave back up onto the counter, close the fridge, and forget about the hamburger for 6 days. when ir remember it is there i grab one of those box cutters, like the ones the highjackers used on nine eleven, and get to work trying to get the wrapper off. right off the bat i slice myself underneath one of my fingernails while attempting to cut this thing open. i bleed on the hamburger for a little bit and leave it there on the table while i go to the doctor and ask for some neosporen. when i get back i dont want the hamburger anymore so i pulled it apart into smaller pieces with my hands and threw it all outside for the birds and the squirrels to get at. but as of 9:38 pm on saturday none of them have eaten any of it yet. i balled up the mess of paper and tape and put it all in the trash. i put the plate into the sink so i could wash it later. since it was dirty fromhaving the hamburger sit on it for 6 days. Thread

Submitted March 14, 2017 at 12:28PM by monsieurkeek http://ift.tt/2lVFaWk copypasta