grand mac pasta copypasta

so after scoring another pod cast interview i decide to reward my self to the golden archs. i buy the fucking stupid new "Grand Mac" sandwich the on that is the big mac, but even bigger than that. i forgot to specify that my order is "To Go" so they hand me a tray with the sandwich on it. i do not want it served to me like this, but i do not tray back and ask for a bag, because taking the tray back and asking for a bad is what pussys do. i take the tray outside and to my car and place it at my feet, taking the sandwich off of it and reaching through the half open window to drop it into the passenger side seat. i peel out of the parking lot, leaving the tray, on the ashphalt, i drive home, to my house, and decide to save my sandwich for later because i have a stomach ache from the ordeal, mentioned previously. i open the refrigerator and try to figure out how im going to do this. i unplug the microwave and use it to prop the refrigerator door open until i can condouct research and form a plan. i log into bing and immediately a post comes up from a guy who says he ate a mcdonalds hamburger from a fridge once and got cholera and had to get his leg cut off. i get upset and decide to throw the sandwich away, but, it ocurs to me that the guy might have been a dumb ass about keeping the germs off of it so i unwrap the burger and put it on a plate. i take two pieces of the paper out of the printer, placing one on top of the hamburger, and the other one below the plate. i loosely wrap the paper around the hamburger and pull out a fucking huge line of scotch tape, that, i cannot, cut since i do not own a pair of scissors. i find some nail clippers and use that to chew through the tape, instead. i wrap the big piece of tape around the hamburger , the 2 pieces of paper, and the plate, and repeat the process with another piece of tape. i keep wrapping tape around it until not part of the paper wrapper inst covered with tape, making it 100% sterile.. i place the entire plate with the burger and paper and tape all wrapped around it inside of a plastic shop-right bag for good measure, and close that off with a bag clip. i put it all in the fridge, put the microwave back up onto the counter, close the fridge, and forget about the hamburger for 6 days. when ir remember it is in there i grab one of those box cutters, like the ones highjackers used on nine eleven, and get to work trying to get the wrapper off. right off the bat i slice myself underneath one of my fingernails while attempting to cut this thing open. i bleed on the hamburger a little bit and leave it there on the table while i got to the doctor and ask for some neosporen. when i get back i dont want the hamburger any more so i pulled it apart into smaller pieces with my hands and threw it all outside for the birds and the squirrels to get at, but as of 9:38 pm on a saturday none of them have eaten of it yet. i balled up the mess of paper and tape and put it all inthe trash. i put the plate in the sink so i could wash it later. since it was dirty fromhaving the hamburger sit on it for 6 days.

Submitted April 11, 2017 at 08:13AM by kaefgt http://ift.tt/2otlfyg copypasta