Tale of a Hipster... (dumb but whatever) funny

TALE OF A HIPSTER

Once upon a time, there was a skinny little bearded hipster, with zany tattoos on his little spider-like arms, who was at Edgar's Bakery, looking for a pastry to pacify his domineering Goth Girlfriend, when all of a sudden, he ran into some Alabama rednecks. "Well, well, wellll.....lookeee what we got here - if it ain't a skinny, twiggy little Hipster!" said the lead Redneck, who had his three other Redneck toadies behind him. The fat toady Redneck spoke up - "Let's GIT him!!" The grabbed the Hipster before he could make his selection, much to the delight of the other patrons, who did not care one whit for the company of one such as he. They dragged him to the alley behind the shopping center, with the sound of traffic whoosing on the nearby road. "Keep that boy here while I git something - I got me a real good idea!" said the Redneck leader, as he drove off in his pickup, leaving the toadies to pick on the twiggy little Hipster, making fun of his zany tattoos on his skinny little arms, and the two quarters he had on each ear as earrings. The Redneck leader came back ten minutes later, with a 24-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon he had picked up at the local Publix. "Boy..." said the Redneck leader "...You gonna drink all 24 of these within the hour....or we gonna use our baseball bats to break every skinny little bone in your effeminate little body!" The Hipster had no choice but to comply - and consoled himself that, if he had to be bullied, at least it was with a beverage that, if not good tasting, still made him look chic while he was quafffing it down. "GO FER IT, HIPSTERRRR!!!!" cried the Rednecks, obviously enjoying the spectacle as the Hipster drunkenly made it past twenty PBR's. That's the last thing the Hipster remembered, as he awoke on the living room floor of the crummy efficiency apartment that he shared with his Goth girlfriend, who happened to be standing over him, with a disgusted look on her face. Should he tell her about the Rednecks who bullied him? No, although he had no reason to expect that he could keep any semblance of dignity as he was lying in a puddle of his own urine, in a pile of 24 PBR cans....the Rednecks must have taken him home.... As he dizzily stood, he seemed to hear, over the cottonheaded hangover, how pathetic he was, how his Goth girlfriend ever managed to put up with him, etc..... It did not matter...he knew and accepted the situation, and slowly made his way to the kitchenette, where he promptly made himself a tofu and bean sprout sandwich on gluten-free bread, which he washed down with a can of cold PBR from the refrigerator. The irony was not lost on him - in fact, he reveled in it.... ENDE.

Submitted January 01, 2015 at 09:55AM by jpowell180 http://ift.tt/1vvO1qf funny