TIFU by Unintentionally convincing my wife that our son has a "ballistic" allergy to Cheez-its. tifu

Let me begin by saying that this story was the impetus for creating an account. I am also new to fatherhood and our first child is about a year and a half. There is quite a bit to learn when it comes to caring for what amounts to a consistently intoxicated midget. Dinner is typically uneventful, amusing even. Things proceed normally as I grab his milk cup out of the refrigerator. Here lies the genesis of my fuck up. I hand over said cup which had a lid to Creature (my son), and he sucks it down like he's in on the brink of death by dehydration. He finishes up, and raises his arms wanting out of his highchair. I begin to clean up, and pop the lid off the milk cup. Out of nowhere an unholy stench wafts from the inside of the cup. Fuuuuuuck me. At this point I think "The milk must have just begin to turn. He did chug it down without issue. No adverse responses or anything." I step outside and strike up a conversation with the neighbor, and I begin to tell him what happened since he has a few older children. That's about when my wife flies out of the back door screaming "GET THE DOG!!! THE BOY (name redacted due to fear of my wife) JUST BARFED EVERYWHERE, AND THE DOG WON'T QUIT EATING IT!" I proceed inside to assess the damage, and am immediately struck with the aforementioned "unholy" stench combined with the scent of vomit. following this, a puke drenched toddle is shoved in my face, with orders to cleanse him of the odoriferous defilement that he had anointed himself in. Now mind you, he's is completely unfazed. Meanwhile I am fighting the urge to vomit myself. We're midway through the bath, and I hear my wife commenting on the unnaturally awful smell. She then says "He must be allergic to the Cheez-its I was feeding him." To which I replied "Yeah, I guess so. No more Cheez-its for you buddy!" I have, in my own cowardly fear of my wife's swift retribution, denied my son the opportunity to revel in the joy that can be snacking on those orange little crackers until what could be his adult life... When I tell this story at his wedding one day, I prey that he will forgive me for that which has been denied to him. Hopefully there is some sort of statute of limitations on this sort of thing keeping my wife from kicking my ass on said day.

Submitted December 31, 2014 at 11:07PM by metroid_prime_time http://ift.tt/1BmjpvQ tifu