So this happened some time back; I've changed a few details to protect the innocent.
I used to do some application heavy stuff on computers, 3d graphics and video editing, and had my own personal computing setup that could mostly handle all of this. However there were some things I couldn't do. Luckily I had a relative that had access to much more powerful machines at their work and on occasion if I needed to I could get in to use them. Some of the time in order to use them I would have to go in late after everyone was gone in order to be there without people asking questions or telling me to leave or whatever. I'm sure it was against the company's policy to let me use the hardware but too bad...
Anyway, when I had to go in to use the machines my relative would just let me in with their badge as it was a large corporate building and I would go sit at his desk and do what I needed. Usually it wasn't anything too quick so he would just leave me there alone while he went home or whatever. This was fine and all except one main issue. In order to get to a restroom you had to leave this particular office area and traverse a large lobby area with randomly patrolling nighttime guards. Because I didn't have a badge the only way to get back in was to prop the door open. When you did this an alarm would go off after 30 seconds hence drawing the nighttime security people and getting me kicked out or someone in trouble.
The first time I needed to work on stuff I had a friend come along to hang out with me. We'd just open the door for each other when going to the restroom. On this particular night, my friend was not with me.
So I'm sitting there working and decide to utilize a refreshment from the refrigerator in the office which was a can of lemonade tea or something. Anyway, forgetting about the restroom issue I drink away, and kept working. Before long I start to feel some pressure. After about 30 minutes it's pretty bad and I start to wonder if I should abandon ship and leave or prop the door and run and try to beat the 30 second timer. Then suddenly it hits me, I have a toilet right here! I can just put the drink back from which it came, back in the can!
I look around to make sure no one's around and let it loose, the can fills up FAST. This was first time I'd ever pee'd in a can and man, there is some pressure going on here. It's like filling up with a fire hose. It gets to the top and I realize alot more is still left to come out than can fit in this 8oz soda can so I try like hell to cut the flow and barely manage to get it shut off. The can is COMPLETELY full and the top brim is spilling over with frothy pee and it smells like piss, hah.
But overall, mission accomplished, feel much better now and I continue to work for a while. Getting what I need done, I feel good and decide to leave. So i get my stuff and walk out.
As soon as I walk out the door and it slams shut and locks,
I realize I left the piss can sitting in the middle of the floor! A god damn filled to the brim dirty can of piss. I begin to panic and think of calling my relative back so I can retrieve the piss can but I don't want him to know that I just pissed in his office because my bladder is rubbish and that I'm some sort of barbarian.
I then think, well maybe I can get the guard to open the door back up. I'll just say the person I was with just left and I forgot something. So I walk up the the guard in the lobby, who happens to be some old lady, and ask to go back in. The lady says I can't go back in without an escort BLA BLA BLA. So I say, "It's just something small, you can watch if you want!"
The guard thinks for a second and says "NO!... but just tell me what it is and I'll grab it for you!"
So I say, "It's uh... my... my drink, i left it on the floor..." as my heart is pounding and I'm not sure if my lies are working...
The guard says, "Oh no problem, I'll get it."
So the lady guard wanders off for a minute and comes back with this can in her hand.
She is like balancing the can best she can because it's about to overflow and then she says, "Boy, it sure is warm."
Skiddishly I take the can of piss from her (as any sudden movement would cause a spill) and say "thanks.....!" as I turn around and pretend to take a sip walking out the door. I'm surprised I didn't die of a heart attack that day and I have no clue if that lady knew what she was holding. It really made no sense why I'd open a can of lemonade tea, somehow overfill it, leave it in the middle of the floor, and somehow heat it up, and then forget it! LOL
TL;DR Don't leave your dirty piss jugs laying around.
Submitted December 28, 2014 at 10:47AM by oneatatime_aye http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2qlfdu/tifu_by_accidentally_leaving_a_can_full_of_piss/ tifu
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