Reddit, please help me write a letter to my neighbors that won't end up ridiculed on Reddit. Advice

Hi there. My roommate and I have been living in our two bedroom apartment for almost a year. Shortly after moving in we began experiencing loud neighbor noises from upstairs—the typical heavy stomping (sometimes in heels), loud gatherings, early Saturday morning phone calls taken on the fire escape, and then some that take extra effort, like they're dropping heavy weights on the floor like "fuck setting this weight down, I'll let gravity do that." It's in every room—there's no escaping the stomps and thuds and sometimes repetitive sex noises. Even now as I write this I hear their muffled conversations coming through my ceiling—a high ceiling. We have neighbors surrounding us—my bed is up against the wall of the apartment next door—and we never hear a peep. Except from our friends upstairs.

Roommate and I have talked about leaving a note and have never had the balls to sit down and write it. We're both a bit lazy I suppose, but also I want to get it right—especially when I see neighbor notes/notes on cars/notes on refrigerators/etc end up on Reddit, torn apart (figuratively). I can't take the ridicule and more importantly I want this shit to end once and for all. I don't want to get a sarcastic note in response that those jerks will post to Reddit, laughing all the way to the front page.

Let it be known that these people are clowns, not physically challenged, no sentimental plot twist here—I've already gone upstairs to ask them to shut up (nicely, but firmly) one exceptionally loud night. Some typical stoner 20-something answered, said, "Oh are we being loud? Sorry," and the noise sort of ended...before resuming the next day.

Maybe they don't realize how loud they truly are. Maybe they need a well-written note to let it really marinate. That's where you come in: what do I say? What don't I say? My biggest fear is that they'll stomp even louder in protest, so I don't want to come off as a jerk. I also don't want to come off as some sort of pussy to be trifled with. Halp.

TL;DR Upstairs neighbors are loud, what do I say in my note asking them to not be that way?

Submitted February 24, 2015 at 08:46AM by elsa_savage http://ift.tt/1zBksGA Advice