Just checking in after my latest badge reset -- I had over 90 days and went on a hellish bender, but I wasn't being honest. Smoked a little here, had a couple drunks here and there; but since I kept it under wraps and didn't go on a full-on spree, I continued collecting my chips/keytags thinking that I was still recovery. I was wrong.
Sneaking in a drink/drunk here and there is like unplugging your refrigerator: everything might look okay on the outside for a little while, but eventually everything inside rots and turns to shit. And that's exactly what happened. Missed weeks of work, ended up nearly seizing from my withdrawals, and lost my the respect of my ex and my rebound girlfriend (good riddance).
What am I doing differently this time? Being honest. Reading the big book (starting my first step soon). Doing my 90/90 again. And finally admitting to myself that I quite frankly will die if I drink again. This is not a game, but it's clear that I'm all out of quarters and continues.
It sucks to be alone. It sucks to be between houses again after finally moving back into my place. It sucks to announce myself as a newcomer again. It sucks to want my ex again after covering up my feelings with a meaningless faux-relationship and booze. But, just for today, I'm not going to drink. Just gotta make it to bed sober, wake up, and work on doing the same tomorrow. Gotta have faith that my higher power wants the best for me, even if I can't see it yet.
Submitted January 27, 2017 at 04:09AM by ilchymis http://ift.tt/2kyCD3d stopdrinking
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