Monday, August 31, 2015

Plumbing emergency, can't reach landlord - what to do?? pittsburgh

I live in an apartment complex and my rental agency's emergency voicemail box is full. (must. restrain. fist. of. death) Right now there is sewage water bubbling up from a pipe or something in the floor in my HVAC cabinet. The unit is in a closet that is in corner of my kitchen, along with my fridge. (It is directly across from my refrigerator, like 2 feet. I can't even open my fridge door the whole way.) I cannot reach anyone. The one 24/7 plumber I tried wouldn't come out without approval from the landlord...who I can't reach.

I'm assuming that I'm out of luck for tonight. But what should I do in the morning? What is the LL's legal responsibility to clean this up? This started last night, I heard water gurgling really loudly coming from the HVAC cabinet. Had a puddle of water on the floor this morning. Maintenance came out today to "fix" the AC and then told me to run it the rest of the night to dry out the cabinet. The cabinet had at least an inch of standing water in it. Water got under the wall, as well, and this wall is a shared wall with the entry hallway.

I've never had to deal with something like this before. This rental agency is a few short steps up from straight-up slumlords, so if there is a way for them to do the least amount of, and least expensive, work on this, they will. Is there anything else I need to do to document this? I took pictures as best I could. I have health issues so I am really concerned about mold forming after so much water has leaked in and around the cabinet.

Thanks.



Submitted September 01, 2015 at 10:48AM by cardinality00 http://ift.tt/1Kov0DL pittsburgh

The plastic on my crisper drawer broke on my Kitchenaid fridge...where can I find the drawer replacement? HomeImprovement

kitchenaid refrigerator model # kbfs20evms9



Submitted September 01, 2015 at 09:47AM by zetsui http://ift.tt/1IBtabl HomeImprovement

How is Anna most likely to die? Frozen

Yeah, let's discuss Anna's mortality. Why? because her life is a giant ball of Hazard that is.

How is this possible?. Well, let's look at all the elements of Anna and her friends.

  • Anna herself; she is a very clumsy girl. She also trust people easily without thinking, she almost marries a sociopath, she asked help of a creepy stranger on a mountain who maintained conversations with his reindeer, she even got a "medicine" of the invention of a shady salesman for her dear sister. She ends to react badly attacking monsters 4 times her size or kick random creepy things.

  • Her sister and best friend; She is a frigging walking refrigerator who surely lowers Anna's body defenses all the time. Elsa also creates creepy snowmen even when it has nothing to do with her feelings and she has the capacity to nuke an entire kingdom.

  • Her Boyfriend; He walks around with a reindeer sharing carrots directly off the animal's mouth. I mean, he might be immune to the viruses animals like Sven carry, but he is kissing Anna with those lips. It's also hinted he has bad hygiene. Combine that with Elsa's freezing presence and it's surprising Anna wasn't she sick one on Fever.

  • The Snowmen; Olaf is plain silly while Marshmallow and the Snowgies could prove to be dangerous, who knows what Elsa can create next.

So yeah, it's a wonder Anna survives for so long.

With all this in mind and the fact that probably a lot of people hate he.

How is Anna most likely to die ? why?

Would you like to see it?

If she survives, how she manages that?



Submitted September 01, 2015 at 08:30AM by Demian_Dillers http://ift.tt/1ifqACA Frozen

Adjusting refrigerator's level on and uneven surface DIY

I want to adjust the leveling of my refrigerator so that it is not leaning to one side. The lean is to the right and causing the door to fly open and slam into a wall unless I hold it while using the fridge. This is then compounded by heavy condiments in the door shelves.

My research brought up a few things saying it's good to ensure the fridge leans backwards slightly to keep pressure on the seal with the door shut. That makes sense because the fridge has adjustable-height feet on the front only, and none on the back.

The problem I'm having is with just two adjustable feet I can't adjust it so that it doesn't lean and still sits fully on all four corners.

It's a Frigidaire FFHT1725PS2, from Sears I think (?). I tried to fix it by lowering the left foot, but this caused the entire fridge to sit only on the back-left and front-right feet, teetering between the other two. I think the problem is the floor tiles are not level causing the imbalance, it's an over 100-year old house so it's to be expected.

The "Leveling and Adjusting" section of the refrigerator's installation manual only says to ensure it's level from side to side, without any instructions.



Submitted September 01, 2015 at 08:02AM by ryguyt http://ift.tt/1JtrG4o DIY

Scumbag Landlord Denied a Walkthrough legaladvice

Background: I am a college student renting from a company that deals in renting houses to college students. The company has been neglectful multiple times, including taking over a week to fix a heating issue that caused the house to reach 40 degrees in the winter. The landlord himself had lived in the house before was well aware of the issue. Our electric bill reached 800 dollars that month, and he was well aware that would happen to.

Situation: In Kentucky law, the tenant is entitled to a walkthrough via statute 383.580 subsection 3. http://ift.tt/1Udd9kx. We moved out July 27, and request a walk-through within the week. The landlord replied to the email, stating they were busy, and never scheduled one. They mailed us our depost, minus 700 dollars in damages, without a walk through. Other tenants have since moved in. What actions should we take? Examples of bullshit charges include $50 dollars for "dirty refrigerator and freezer" which we very thoroughly, very specifically cleaned; 60 dollars for broken blinds, which we did not break; 20 dollars for "Left window curtains" which were there when we arrived; $35 for "dog chewed blinds" and we didn't even have a dog.



Submitted September 01, 2015 at 07:37AM by Unitedsc77 http://ift.tt/1Uo7Xsb legaladvice

CURB ALERT. FREE WORKING REFRIGERATOR( kenmore) (159 pouch terrace) FreeStuffNYC

Put a good working kenmore refrigerator on the curb. Garbage man will pick up tomorrow if not picked up. It's in great working condition but can't hold on to it anymore since everyone who wanted it flaked out. Come and get it on the curb or its gone.

from Craigslist http://ift.tt/1ExbylU

via IFTTT



Submitted September 01, 2015 at 06:43AM by fiplefip http://ift.tt/1hPxS0d FreeStuffNYC

So, my mother told my sister that she is very proud of me. She just didn't tell me. keto

I love my mom, and was up visiting her a week ago. She had not seen me since I started keto, and I was down over 20lbs. which is about half of my total goal. She "noticed" that I looked better, and was somewhat amazed at my restraint in not eating any carbs when we went out, and the keto-friendly meals I made for us at home. I think that the most shocking thing was that there was beer left in the refrigerator when I was leaving to go home.

So, my sister called this afternoon for some cooking tip, and told me that my mother had been gushing to her about how great I looked, how much slimmer I looked, how much happier I seemed, the discipline that I had, etc. I am used to my mom never saying these things directly, either good or bad, but it was nice to find out that she really did notice. Thanks mom. Carry on.



Submitted September 01, 2015 at 06:52AM by ChinaKeto http://ift.tt/1ifeFVt keto

I have a broken kegerator... want to salvage it to make a fermentation chamber. Any suggestions? Homebrewing

Got burned on a used commercial kegerator a few weeks ago.. Lesson learned: don't buy homebrew equipment from non-homebrewers on craigslist, they are usually just trying to get rid of it and don't care about your satisfaction. In the end, I think it worked out for the better, since I got a great deal on an awesome half sized refrigerator, and I've gutted the kegerator so that I can convert it without having to pick up any more equipment. This brings me to the torn apart kegerator sitting in my living room. I would like to "use every part of the kill," so to speak, so I was thinking I could use the insulated shell of it to build a temperature controlled fermentation chamber. My apartment has no A/C and gets really hot, so I need to figure this out anyways... this seems like it might be a good way to solve the problem. Since the cooling unit itself is shot, I need to figure out a way to keep the inside cool, preferably in the most cost effective way possible. I don't think the swamp cooler method would work very well in this situation, since its a closed system. The only other simple solution I can think of is to stock it with ice packs every day, but this is a bit inconvenient, and I think I would need quite a few to counteract the heat given off from fermentation. I'd be willing to sing a little bit of money into this, but if it isn't going to be a good solution, I might as well just buy a fermwrap or something similar. Anyone have any suggestions?



Submitted September 01, 2015 at 06:21AM by FuckYouCaptainTom http://ift.tt/1ExaMW5 Homebrewing

[rather petty post of the day], a [vent] raisedbynarcissists

I have had one of those reusable cups from Starbucks. Had it for about a year and a half. Then it went missing. Turns out, my dad threw it out. I had made some tea, and put the rest in the cup in the refrigerator for another day. Then dad came and tried to get something out of the fridge without moving my cup out the way, and he knocked it down and all the tea spilled out. So he got mad, cleaned up the mess, and threw it all out. He doesn't know whether my cup was broken or not, he "just wiped up the mess and threw everything out." REALLY?! I've had that dang cup for well over a year, he knew it wasn't a disposable! I'm angry!



Submitted September 01, 2015 at 05:29AM by AvengeThe90s http://ift.tt/1Ko88Et raisedbynarcissists

GBAR_Nice and bright 3beds & 2baths single family home (oakland piedmont / montclair) $4000 3bd 1362ft2 EastBayHouseSearch

2730 Mountain Blvd, Oakland, CA 94602 Call show contact info or visit our website: http://ift.tt/1mdM4xk 3 Bed - 2 Bath Size: 1362 Year built: 1972 Rent: $4,000.00 Rental Features Hardwood floors Refrigerator Dishwasher Balcony, deck, pa [...]

from Craigslist http://ift.tt/1MYI7dF

via IFTTT



Submitted September 01, 2015 at 05:42AM by u238ed http://ift.tt/1LGu4Ic EastBayHouseSearch

Delicious Sesame Wasabi Chicken [GF][Keto] X-post r/ketorecipes fitmeals

This delicious Sesame Wasabi Chicken took a total of 15 minutes to prepare, cook and serve (or pack) at a cost-per-serving of roughly $3.50 (less if you already have soy sauce +wasabi).

Ingredients: + 4 tbsp Wasabi + 1/3 cup sesame seeds + 1/3 cup gluten free soy sauce + 12 boneless chicken thighs + 2 tbsp garlic powder + 2 tbsp onion powder + 24 oz kale + ~1/4 cup olive or avocado oil

Instructions: In a medium bowl, combine garlic powder, onion powder, wasabi, sesame seeds, soy sauce and chicken. Mix with your hands until chicken is evenly covered.

Add oil to large pan. There should be enough to cover the bottom of the pan. Heat oil on medium-high. Once small bubbles appear in the oil, add chicken. Cook on medium-high until chicken is brown on one side, and then flip. Both sides should be golden brown, and cooked all the way through.

On medium-high heat, the outside of the chicken browns, and some of the fat renders into the bottom of the pan. These drippings+the oil, make a delicious dressing for the kale. Remove chicken from pan. In excess oil and drippings, saute the kale.

If you have too much kale for the pain, drain some of the drippings and saute in stages.

Serving Instructions: Divide chicken and kale into individual containers. I invested in Pyrex rectangular glass containers with no-leak lid. Store in refrigerator. Reheat in microwave, employ common sense for power level and length of time.

Allergen Notes: This blogger is very allergic to wheat and corn and developed this recipe to accommodate for that. If you are allergic to any of these ingredients, find viable substitutes.

Soy sauce is often fermented with wheat. If you have a wheat allergy, be sure to read all of the ingredients.

Also, remember that soy is often grown in rotation with wheat crops, vastly increasing your risk of cross contamination. In fact in this 2010 study, one sample of soy flour contained 2,925 parts per million of gluten.

This blogger has not had a specific problem with gluten free soy sauce, however, you know your tolerance. If that level of cross contamination is a concern, look for substitutes.

Wasabi is a root, similar to horseradish. You can buy pure powdered Wasabi on Amazon and mix it in batches, because the stuff you can find at the store often contains food starch or other additives. And anyone with a severe corn allergy will tell you, any additive of dubious origin puts you at risk for contamination. Food starch and vegetable oil both often contain corn.

Link to original blog post here



Submitted September 01, 2015 at 05:46AM by antimattermatters http://ift.tt/1Ko88o4 fitmeals

TIFU by grabbing a midnight snack tifu

This FU happeed years ago but it still haunts me today, So i get out of bed and walk to the kitchen to eat some raisin creme pie cookies. But it's like the closer i get to the fridge the less and less i want them. So im standing there, looking at the box on top of the fridge, and i out my hand in the tip of the box (pun intended) and stopped for a second. Then i just said fuck it decided i wasn't going to eat any. NOW HERE'S THE FU, as i pull my hand out of the box i hear rustling deep inside the box, so im looking at it and next thing you know the biggest fucking roach just dashes out of the fucking box and behind the damn fridge and im left there like "what the hell?!, i was about to put my hand in that shit!!!" And THAT's why i don't put stuff on the top of my refrigerator anymore.



Submitted September 01, 2015 at 04:56AM by Bubba1996 http://ift.tt/1EwZEsv tifu

Landlord not giving security deposit back (Michigan) legaladvice

A little bit of background: My girlfriend and I had been renting a two bedroom house for almost two years, and during that time caused no trouble. The house is owned by an older woman probably mid 50s to 60 and was initially being managed by a realty company that she hired. The realty company was great, and we got along well with them and had no problems. After a little less than a year of living there the realty company informed us that they were fired by the old woman out of nowhere and that the house would no longer be under their management. She ended up hiring someone who lived down the end of the street who did manage some properties, and he ended up being great too. After a while he told us how often she was making complaints and how she even tried to rewrite the lease randomly. He said he would have never agreed to manage the house if he knew how unprepared and uneducated she was in leasing a place. She showed up a couple times without giving a 24 hour notice and one time even tried to enter the house without our permission when we were gone, but she lost her keys (she loses and forgets everything). There was no emergency of any sort in any of these situations, she was just snooping. She also went through the tenant downstairs mail and marked it return to sender while he was still residing there (that's somewhat unrelated, just again pointing out the kind of person she is).

So that was just some background on what we dealt with the whole time. When our lease was ending we found a new place and moved out as quickly as we could. We gave her our forwarding address and gladly left her behind.

Fast forward to today, we finally (31 days after moving out) receive something in the mail from her. Its a list of damages that exceeds the entire security deposit. We left the place sparkling clean and in great condition. The main thing that was complete bullshit was $640 charge for the refridgerator. It says there was "chip and dent of the refrigerator door." First off, we didn't damage the door, we have no idea what she's talking about, and second off, $640 for a fucking chip/dent? lulz. The old woman is nuts. But here's where I think she fucked up. See, she's not very versed in being a landlord, and when it comes down to legal stuff she's absolutely clueless (see earlier trying to randomly rewrite lease). I read online that it must include, in 4 point font larger than the rest of the text, “You must respond to this notice by mail within 7 days after receipt of same. Otherwise you will forfeit the amount claimed for damages.” My girlfriends brother is a lawyer and says that that must be included and we talked to the realty company's owner who managed the property originally, and he said the same thing and to just respond with "We dispute all listed charges."

So right now the plan is to send a letter saying we dispute the charges. Have it mailed priority and get a receipt for it.

I also read that she has 45 days from end of lease to then sue us for that amount, and we have 7 days from getting list of damages to notify her that we are disputing the charges.

So my main questions for you guys are:

1) Do you think legally she has to return the entire security deposit now?

2) We can't really be charged that amount for a phantom dent in a fridge right??

3) Does she have 15 days from when we send the letter disputing the charges to sue us, or is it just 45 days from end of lease and we need to make sure to get it there within the next week? Main reason for this question is that we will wait till the end of the week to mail it to her so she has less time to sue (even if we are going to win in small claims court I'd rather avoid that and just get the money back without the fuss).

4) I also read that she could be liable to pay up to twice the securtiy deposit for messing this up if we do go to court. What are the odds of getting extra compensation out of her? Honestly, at this point I hate this woman more than anyone else (constant, stupid harassment the whole time we lived there despite being quiet and paying rent on time EVERY month, and now this shit??) so making her pay extra for being an idiot would make me very happy.

Any and all responses are greatly appreciated, we really could use your advice. Thanks!



Submitted September 01, 2015 at 05:05AM by BABYPUBESS http://ift.tt/1IACDQ4 legaladvice

Due to a power outage, my fridge stopped working for over 24 hours. Are my dairy products spoiled now? nutrition

So the power went out, and we thought it was gonna come back soon. We waited more than 24 hours (but less than 30) to transport the dairy products by car to a friend's house (who's less than half an hour away). My dad claims the dairy products were still cold when he transported them.

The products were Greek Yogurt and Cottage Cheese. They were in a refrigerator, not a freezer. The refrigerator was opened a couple of times to get fruits and stuff, but stayed closed for the majority of the power outage.

I'm also worried a bit about the eggs, but not so much the raw chicken because it was in the freezer. Any advice? Thanks!



Submitted September 01, 2015 at 04:37AM by -IIIII--------IIIII- http://ift.tt/1Ko4RVH nutrition

[Request] In DC, Will Write You A Short Funny Story For Pizza. RandomActsOfPizza

I'm supper hungry and my refrigerator is empty. I haven't really eaten anything in a few days and I don't know anybody in the area I could ask. I love to write and I coukd write you any kind of story you'd like, in exchange for a pepperoni or a sausage pizza. I have had the worst hunger headache of my life all day. This is my second time posting but I don't really know what else to do...thanks guys.



Submitted September 01, 2015 at 04:08AM by Thrownawayactually http://ift.tt/1KAe2B2 RandomActsOfPizza

New Curing Chamber - Ventilation question CuringChamber

I'm jumping in to home curing and have a question on ventilation. My chamber will be an older model of this - http://ift.tt/1O4fcDR

Using the Auber TH210 Controller - http://ift.tt/1MYqRVP

And this Ultrasonic humidifier - http://ift.tt/1O4fcU4

My question is how many of you use a fan for ventilation? I'm thinking of getting this fan and setting it up to run for 1 minute a couple times a day.

Fan - http://ift.tt/1MYqUB5

Opinions?



Submitted September 01, 2015 at 02:05AM by bjanczak http://ift.tt/1O4fcU6 CuringChamber

Chicken Skewers - made with Greek Yogurt recipes

This chicken recipe is delicious, if I do say so myself! Moist and incredibly flavored, with the spice from crushed red peppers and the tanginess from the acids in the lemons, these skewers are as good as I have ever had. But what makes it the best for me is cooking this on a BBQ, so when deciding to use this recipe on summer day, consider a BBQ before anything else.

Ingredients:

2 1/4 pound skinless & boneless chicken breasts, cut into 1/4-inch cubes 2 teaspoons of dried crushed red peppers 1 cup Greek Yogurt 3 tablespoons of extra-virgin olive oil 2 tablespoons of red wine vinegar 2 tablespoons of tomato paste 2 teaspoons of coarse kosher salt 1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper 6 garlic cloves, peeled then flattened 1 thinly sliced lemon cut into rounds Bamboo skewers, soaked in water, 30 minutes prior

Procedures:

1) Place the dried crushed peppers in large bowl and mix 2 tablespoons warm water and let sit until a paste forms, which can take up to 5 minutes. 2) Add the yogurt, the olive oil, the red wine vinegar, the tomato paste, 2 teaspoons of coarse salt and 1 teaspoon of black pepper to the spice mixture in a bowl, then whisk to blend. Then stir in the garlic and lemon slices, and then add the chicken. Cover with saran wrap and place in a refrigerator for at least 1 hour, but longer is better. 3) Once you are ready to cook the chicken on skewers, light up the BBQ, thread the chicken pieces onto the soaked skewers, spreading equally. Once dressed, sprinkle each skewer with salt and pepper then grill chicken until golden brown and cooked through, turning skewers occasionally, 10 to 12 minutes total. Once complete, transfer the skewers to the platter. 4) Drizzle some Greek Yogurt over the skewers for a final touch and viola!

Enjoy!



Submitted September 01, 2015 at 01:18AM by recipesgrkyogrt http://ift.tt/1IzWbny recipes

How Long Can You Store Washed Yeast? Tips? Homebrewing

I'm going to bottle my IPA this Wednesday and am planning on harvesting the yeast. I've read several pages on how to wash the yeast...will probably wash it twice (unless something else is recommended). I know everything has to be sterile as well.

Really the main question I have is how long can you can store yeast in the refrigerator. I've read anywhere from 2 weeks to 6 months to a year. Curious as to what everyone's thoughts are on this.

Also if you fine people have tips and tricks, those are always appreciated.



Submitted September 01, 2015 at 12:15AM by xero2015 http://ift.tt/1JHmFEw Homebrewing

What is the difference between absorption and mechanical refrigerator? refrigeration

I see it being referred to in this textbook I'm reading but it doesnt really explain the difference.



Submitted September 01, 2015 at 12:35AM by marsljcm http://ift.tt/1N5biNV refrigeration

Would it be possible to survive a house fire by climbing inside a refrigerator? AskReddit

No text found

Submitted September 01, 2015 at 12:37AM by Marfat http://ift.tt/1JHmFoe AskReddit

Possibly buying a house built in 1962 that needs updated electrical. Is it really necessary to upgrade from 100 to 200amp? Lots of info inside. HomeImprovement

We live in a small city in western Kentucky. The house in question is just under 1200 square feet, three bedrooms, one and a half bathrooms. Built in 1962, it had had the same owner since 1967, and was in amazing shape.

One first thing we noticed though was that the electrical outlets were ungrounded, two prong. We did find a few grounded outlets, here and there (in the storage room, laundry room, and bathroom).

We had an inspection, as well as having an electrician come to give an estimate of what needed to be done. The day we initially looked at the house, the storage room door was unlocked, and we were able to look at the breaker box. Breakers, not fuses, which was a good sign. Unfortunately, the day of the inspection, that door had been locked and no one had the key.

I was not present the day of the inspection, though my boyfriend was. As I understand it, the house has cloth wrapped wire and it all needs to be replaced. The only other issue regarding the electrical was that the above ground wire stretching from the back of the house, across the back yard to the garage was a hazard and should be put underground.

We were quoted nearly $10,000 for the work, with an additional $2000 to upgrade to 200amp if we wanted to. Everyone else we asked said that estimate seemed really high. At this point, we were prepared to drop out of the deal, because the house was already at the top of our budget, and the extra expense would just be too much to deal with (we'd have to lower our down payment and rework the loan and make our house payments bigger).

Upon hearing that we wanted to drop out, the response of the seller was "We think we can get a lower estimate. We will take care of getting it fixed, if you stay in the original deal." That seemed like the best possible news.

But now my boyfriend is worried that they will do the bare minimum, which certainly won't include upgrading to 200amp. He's worried we will have problems in the future at 100amp.

The house uses gas for heat and hot water. Electrical for central air, stove, refrigerator, washer, dryer. We will have 2-3 computers and at least 1 TV (plus internet router, Playstation) running at any given time. The appliances were included in the sale, and are slightly old. Over time they will be replaced with energy efficient ones. Should boyfriend be worried?



Submitted August 31, 2015 at 09:51PM by Sapphires13 http://ift.tt/1FcvPrH HomeImprovement

[Offer] A Card a Week: Week 35 (last catch-up offer) [Anywhere that doesn't know about Little Caesar's or Pizza Pizza] RandomActsofCards

Once again if you haven't seen my other posts, my New Year's resolution was to send (at least) one card a week via this subreddit. So I'm making an offer of one card each week, plus whatever I do for requests and whatnot. Here's my offer this week!

I'm still one week behind in this card offer because of some family medical stuff going on. BUT! After today, I should be back on track.

This is a weird one. I am offering a very stupid refrigerator magnet along with this card, but I would like it to go to someone who is not lucky enough to have a Little Caesar's/Pizza Pizza in their country. If you fit the requirements, try to be the first comment below!

Again, because I'm doing one a week for the entire year, this offer is just for one card. Comment if you'd like it!

Just to state the rules again, the first person who comments gets the card and magnet. Just one card and one magnet, and only to the first comment!



Submitted August 31, 2015 at 07:47PM by CardboardForCosmos http://ift.tt/1EvELhl RandomActsofCards

COMPUTER JESUS REFRIGERATOR - CRUMPET PLOWS (LIVE) noiserock

http://ift.tt/1EvEJpE

Submitted August 31, 2015 at 07:56PM by JUKIE_FONG http://ift.tt/1fReaPM noiserock

free dorm room refrigerator (bronx) FreeStuffNYC

free dorm room refrigerator or refrigerator for your room. come and get today contact show contact info

from Craigslist http://ift.tt/1hrys3d

via IFTTT



Submitted August 31, 2015 at 07:33PM by fiplefip http://ift.tt/1UnlDni FreeStuffNYC

ELI5:How an Einstein refrigerator works explainlikeimfive

Here is the wikipedia article, I gather it's something to do with ammonia and butane but I'm still not really sure

Thanks



Submitted August 31, 2015 at 01:00PM by SabreToothSandHopper http://ift.tt/1NIgs2n explainlikeimfive

Sunday, August 30, 2015

The seventies and eighties, a perfect age for cold beverages. Showerthoughts

I drank from my soda, while taking a shower, and realized that my drink was colder than usual. Because of this I feel like the average refrigerator ran at a much lower temperature back in the late seventies and early eighties, that being the era of refrigerator that I have. I think this because of energy efficiency standards are much higher today than they were back then and whoever was coldest won, even if not very efficient.



Submitted August 31, 2015 at 10:42AM by LieutenantDaniel http://ift.tt/1JrbkJE Showerthoughts

All we wanted to do was quietly eat some pizza. childfree

My friend and I decided to head out to a favorite local pizza place to grab a slice and just chill for a few. Nothing special, just enjoy some pizza on a Friday night. My friend has a stressful job and pizza is comfort food.

We enter the pizza place and within 3 minutes, a mom, dad and three kids all barrel thru the front door. Mom looks like shes been thru a spin cycle of emotions, so my blood pressure rises in anticipation of impending stress as if it were a bunch of drunken gang members ready to start something. But I calm down and ignore them.

As they all run their mouthes with simultaneous conversations, they buy their slices, sit down (at the table next to us, of course) and the trouble begins almost immediately. The two boys (approx. age 4) can't sit still and start to run amuck thru the establishment with their pizza slices. The girl gets up from her seat and proceeds to take soda out of the glass vending refrigerator without permission. Mom looks over and yells, telling her she can't have the soda, and the girl proceeds into full emotional meltdown (probably cry-fest #26 for the day.) For the next 10 minutes the entire establishment of people is interrupted by the yelling between mom and the defiant kid who now will not eat her pizza and will not put the soda back in the case. The young manager has no idea what to do about the situation but to just watch like every one else. The two boys are now repeatedly going outside and running back inside. Dad is sitting there, ignoring what's happening as if he had lost his jaded soul years ago. Eventually the family finished eating, pays and leaves, and things calm down.

Why do families like this feel like they have the God given right to disturb the peacefulness of public places? Why must we all share in the misery of their bad parenting and family distresses? There just seems to be zero embarrassment or common sense anymore with many parents in public places. I'm so sick of it.



Submitted August 31, 2015 at 08:27AM by mnk68 http://ift.tt/1fQhyKH childfree

Adam and Eva ShortStoriesCritique

It is close to 1:00 in the morning it is raining. There is a woman standing over a grave in a small town in the middle of the southern state. She is wearing a black trench coat and a matching fedora. She is holding one red rose and crying, but her tears are hidden by the rain.

Judith Heber is a former member of Caracal Battalion, where she commanded a sniper platoon. She is an expert rifle marksman herself. Being a high-ranking middle-aged single Jewish female in the services is usual for the Israeli army. She was recruited into Shin Bet and joined the Yamas. Shin Bet is Israel’s internal security service. The Yamas are the elite counterterrorism unit that runs special operations and undercover operations. Her colleagues know her as the Ice Woman.

Judith is in her office in Jerusalem. There is a file on her desk about an American named Jason Pain. He is a part of an exchange program between the America’s Department of Homeland Security and Israel’s Shin Bet. She reads that Jason graduated from the United States Military Academy at the top of his class. He also finished at the top of his classes at the Army Airborne School, Army Intelligence Center of Excellence, and Special Forces Qualification Course. He finished his career in the Joint Special Operations Command. After his contract was up after 20 years, he joined the Department of Homeland Security based in Washington D. C. He is a member of their special operations unit.

Judith is assigned to meet Jason at Ben Gurion Airport. He is arriving at 12:25 pm on an El Al from New York. Judith looks at her watch; it is time to leave. She heads to the airport in an armored Mercedes G65 AMG.

As she is driving to the airport, she is trying to figure out. ‘Why am I assigned to babysit the American? Nevertheless, an order is an order.’

Judith arrives at the airport, and inside, she flashes her badge and identification card to bypass security. She is standing at the gate. Jason Pain enters into view. She knows it is him because of the ID photo in the file.

Jason is dressed in a black suit with a black belt. His shirt is red with a black tie. He has his carry on and briefcase with him.

Judith asks, “Jason Pain?”

He says, “Yes, Ma'am.”

She puts out her hand, "Judith Heber of Shin Bet. Will you come with me?”

They shake hands briefly.

Judith asks, "Is that all of your baggage?"

“Yes, Ma'am.”

They walk quickly toward the doors. She flashes her badge and identification card again as they leave the airport.

They get into her SUV. He puts his carry on and briefcase in the back seat. On his seat, there is a brown clasp envelope with his name on it. Jason opens the envelope and inside is his ID card, and other paperwork that he will need in Israel, and a key. They chitchat about his flight.

When they arrive at Shin Bet headquarters, Judith signs him in at the entrance and takes Jason straight to the Director. Her boss welcomes Jason and tells him that Judith Heber is his liaison officer. Jason needs to listen carefully and follow her orders.

Jason says, “Yes, Sir.”

They say goodbye leave for her division, the Yamas office. She introduces Jason to her staff. She explains they are highly trained agents with different backgrounds, but are all skilled snipers and firearms experts with time in the military.

After the formalities, Judith and Jason enter her office. Judith has a table with a chair for Jason to use as a desk in the far corner. She tells him that the table and chair are for him to use. On the table are the standard pen, sticky notes, a laptop, and other items.

She looks at his reaction to his table and thinks, 'Since I am going to babysit you, I will keep you in my sight.'

After Jason, heard that the table is to be his desk, he put his briefcase on it. He opens it. It has some files and other things. He reaches into his briefcase and puts out an electronic Bible. The paint on the side of the tablet computer has been worn from daily use and a plaque that says, “God is my protector.”

Judith raises her eyebrows and thinks, 'This is odd, a man with his background, a religious man.'

Jason sits down at the table, puts his jacket around the chair, and gets to work. He is in Shin Bet as a liaison officer and he makes contract with his office to say He arrived and is ready to start work.

After a half an hour or so, Judith says, “Why don't we go down to the range and see how good of a shot you are?”

Jason says, “Why not, Ma'am.”

"Follow me."

They walk to the range in the basement of their building. Judith waves to the Range Master on the camera. He opens the door for her to enter the cage. The weapons that are not being used as side arms are kept in a locked cabinet.

Judith comes often to this area for one reason or another. She tells the Range Master that Jason is from America and is there on an exchange program. They need to sign out a weapon to him.

The Range Master says, “Yes, Ma'am.

Looking at the selection of guns in the weapon’s safe. She sees a Glock-19 pistol. She picks it up, checks its balance lays it on the counter. She tells the Range Master to write down the pistol's serial number and that Jason needs to sign for it.

Both men say, “Yes, Ma'am.”

After a few minutes of paperwork, Jason is handed the pistol, a magazine, a box of ammo, a holster, and safety glasses. He follows Judith into the firing range. With her blazer off, she is already on the firing line with her primary and secondary pistols out of her body holsters on the table. She has a Glock-19 and Glock-26 as a secondary weapon.

Jason puts everything down on his table in his lane and starts to put the ammo in the magazine.

Judith hands him the protector earmuffs lying on the table. "Ware these."

As she is saying that, she pins up her target on the loop and sends it down the range. By the time, the target is down range Jason has the magazine loaded and on the table. He has his earmuffs on.

She reaches for his gun, pulls the safety off, and spends her magazine in record time.

She puts the safely on and lays the pistol on the table.

Judith brings the target up range. Taking off her earmuffs, she is jumping for joy inside, but she does not want to show it. She sees that she has a nice grouping on the target.

Jason sees the grouping and says, “Great job, Ma'am.”

Judith says, “It is your turn.”

Therefore, he sends his target down range. They both put their ear protection back on. When the target is in place Jason puts the magazine in the pistol, pulls the safety off. His magazine is spent down range in no time. He puts the safely on and puts the pistol on the table. They pull down their earmuffs. Jason brings the target up range.

Judith could see that Jason's grouping is much better than hers is. She is pissed inside.

Jason says, “It is just luck, Ma'am.”

This ticked her off even more because Jason would not admit that he had better skills.

She is about to scolded him but hears a knock on the range door.

One of her agents says, “You need to see this.”

He gave her a paper about a former agent of the Islamic Republic of Iran's Ministry of Intelligence. The man is in the town of Rafah in the Gaza Strip.

She says, “Thank you, I am heading back to the office."

She re-holsters her pistols, and leaves the range for her office.

Jason quickly puts his pistol in the holster and puts it in his pocket. He also puts the rest of his ammo in his other pocket before she is too far down the hall.

As the three of them leave the stairway elevator and enter her division, Judith orders the agent to follow the Islamist and to see what he is up too. She also says that she wants to be briefed on anything unusual.

The agent says, “Yes, Ma'am," and leaves.

When Judith and Jason get back to her office, Jason unloads his pockets on the table and opens his Bible.

Judith sits down at her desk and types the Iranian name in the database on her computer. The info comes up quickly. His name is Haman Bakeri. Her interest is in what happened after his work in Iran's Intelligence Service. It is rumored that he left because he thought the Ministrywas not doing enough to unite Islam to fight against the Infidels. He is known to be a hard-liner.

As Judith is reading the information about Bakeri, Jason is reloading the pistol magazine and looking at the Bible. After the magazine is full, he puts the magazine in the pistol and makes sure the safety is on. He puts the pistol in the holster and lays it on the table. He puts the extra ammo in the box and leaves it beside the pistol.

A minute or two later Judith gets up from her desk and walks over to Jason's table. As his laptop is booting up, she looks over and sees that the Bible is open. An electronic arrow flag self-stick note is pointing to the enlarged verse of Joshua 1:9, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

By this time, the laptop has boot up. Judith lays down a pen and sticky note and moves away from the Bible. She flips Jason's computer around to type and logs into the database. Typing Bakeri into the search engine, the file pops open.

On the sticky note, she writes down Jason's log in user name and password and sticks it on the frame of the laptop.

She walks over to her desk and says, to Jason as she is sitting down. “The log in information that you need is on the sticky note. Look over the information that is on the screen. We need to figure out what he is doing in town.”

Jason looks over the information as Judith went back to her paperwork.

After 30 minutes or so, Jason says, “Ma'am, Where is the latrine?” He is tapping his holster on the table.

Judith understood that Jason wanted to put on the holster. She could not understand why he did not just take his belt off in the office, but she figured, 'He is just a shy guy I guess.'

She tells him down the hall to the left.

Before Jason leaves the office, Judith says, “When you are done, see if anyone out there needs any help.”

Jason says, “Yes, Ma'am.”

After Jason adjusts his under-arm holster and gun, he went to see what he could do for Judith’s staff. They gave him a computer and search parameters. One of the agents gives him his computer and stands over him directing him on how to use the network.

Judith is working diligently at her desk and has forgotten about Jason. After sometime, she gets a call on her cell phone.

“Hello, this is Judith,” she answered quickly without thinking.

“This is your mother, just in case you don't know.”

Judith says, “I know it is you, mom.”

Her mother says, “Why do you not call us? Are you ashamed of us?”

Judith says, “I am not ashamed or anything like that. I am just very busy at work.”

Her mother says, “Sure that is it. Anyway, your Father and I are in Jerusalem. We want you to come to dinner with us?”

Judith says, “I cannot tonight, Mom.”

Her mother shot back, “You are ashamed of us!”

Judith says, “I am not ashamed. I have a lot going on at work. I have an America agent here. He is a part of an exchange program. This is his first night in Israel. I have not even taken him to where he is staying yet. I cannot bring him along.”

Her mother says, “Is he single?”

She says, “Yes.”

Her mother says, “Bring him along. We can show him a good time.”

After a few more minutes of guilt from her mother, Judith says, “Yes, I will come and bring him.”

Her mother tells her where they are to dine.

Judith says, “See you in a few.”

Judith gets up from her desk walks over to the door and opens it.

In a loud voice, she says, “Mr. Jason Pain report to my office ASAP!”

Jason looks up from the screen startled and says, “Yes, Ma'am.”

He gives his seat back to the agent and walks in her office. Judith is putting things away and turns off the computers. She tells Jason to get his things because they are leaving for the day.

“Yes, Ma'am.”

Jason gets his coat, briefcase, and bag. He follows Judith out of the office. She showed him how to sign out at the main entrance.

When they get to the SUV, Jason puts his briefcase and bag in the backseat again. She starts the car and heads out.

Just seconds after leaving the Shin Bet headquarters she says, “Oh, by the way, we are meeting my parents for dinner tonight. Sorry, I hope you do not mind.”

Jason says, “That is fine, Madam.”

Judith turns on the radio.

Not too long after that, they arrive at the restaurant. She finds a parking spot. As they were getting out, she warns him about her parents.

She tells him, “My Mother is like a highly trained interrogator. So be careful.”

Jason just laughs.

When they enter the restaurant, she asks the Maître d' for the Heber table.

The Maître d' says, “Follow me.”

When they get to the table, Judith says, “Hello, Mom and Dad.”

Her mother and father get up happily. They all hug and kiss.

Judith says, “This is Mr. Jason Pain. He is from America and is here on an exchange program. Jason, this is my father Karl Heber and my mother Natasha Heber.”

Jason says, “Please to meet you.” He shakes hands with Karl and kisses Natasha hand.

As Natasha sat down, Karl pushes her seat behind her. Jason does the same thing for Judith. Natasha likes that and Judith does not.

After ordering the drinks and the meals, they chitchat. Judith catches up on what her parents have been doing.

Natasha says, “We hear from Judith that you are single?”

Jason says, “Yes, Ma’am. I am single.”

Natasha says, “Why?”

Judith almost split out the water she is drinking and wished she could down a glass of wine, but because she is always on duty 24/7, she would not drink any alcohol.

Judith exclaimed, “Mother!” as her face turned red.

Jason says without thinking, “The reason I am single is because I never found my Eva.”

Natasha says, “Judith is single.”

Judith is about to hide under the table, but she quickly changed the subject.

In no time, the meal had arrived. After the food is put on the table, Jason bows his head and says a quick prayer to bless the food and to say thank you in silence.

The Heber family had not seen this in a while.

After a few minutes, Natasha asks, “Jason, are you a religious man?”

Jason says, “Yes, Ma'am. I am a Christian. I hope that does not make anyone uncomfortable or anything.”

Everyone says, “No.”

Her father says, “Jason, I can tell you are a military man, a warrior so is it not odd that you are also a religious man?”

Judith is thinking the same thing, but did not want to ask.

Jason respond, “Yes, Sir. I am a military man. I have served in the US Special Forces for most of my career in the military. No, Sir to me it is not odd for a warrior to be religious. Look at the history of this country many men and women in the ancient days of this country were religious."

Karl says, “I did not think of that. Thank you. I hope you are not uncomfortable or anything.”

Jason says, “No, Sir.”

They all talked about one thing or another and had a great meal and a great time.

When the check came for the dinner, Jason and Karl fight for a few minutes. Jason is able to win and pay for the dinner.

They all leave and say their good-byes.

Judith has a private word with her mother about something.

Judith and Jason get into the SUV. They head to where Jason is going to live and where Judith lives.

She says, “You did not have to pay for dinner but thank you again.”

Jason says, “You are welcome. I wanted to pay. I had a great time. I like your parents. They are nice.” he says, “I do have one question?”

She says, “Shoot.”

He says, “Why are you called the Ice Woman? The woman I saw tonight is a not an Ice Woman.”

Judith says, “You heard about that.”

Jason says, “Yes.”

Judith says, “I got that name when I was in the military. It does not matter what happen I never show any emotions.” Judith says, “What is your nickname in the military?”

Jason says, “Templar.”

Judith says, “Oh, I see the warrior monk.”

Jason says, “Yes.”

A few minutes after that, they arrive at her apartment complex.

Judith says, “Here we are”.

They get out of the SUV. Jason gets out his stuff. Judith goes around to the trunk of the car, where she gets out her gun case.

Judith says, “I also live here. We could not find any other place. Lucky, there is an extra fully furnish apartment, just a door down for me. Do you still have your key?”

Jason says, “Yes.” He asks, “Could I give you a hand?”

She shakes her head no and says, “It is just my M4 carbine, but thank you.”

Jason gets the door for her as they enter the apartment complex. They head up to their floor on the elevator. Judith takes Jason to his door. He gets his key out of his pocket. He has kept the key in his pocket since he first opened the envelope. He unlocks the door, opens it, and turns on the light. Judith follows him in.

Jason puts down his stuff in the living room. Judith shows him around the apartment.

After the tour, Judith says, “I will come and pick you up for work at six thirty.”

Jason says, “OK.” He says, “May I see you to your door?”

Judith says, “OK, if you want to?”

They walk down to her door.

Judith says, “Goodnight. I will see you in the morning.”

Jason says, “Goodnight and see you.”

He walks back to his apartment and enters.

In her apartment Judith puts down the M4 container, unlocks, and opens the case. After she checks the M4 to make sure everything is OK, Judith puts it back in the case and places it near the door. She does her nighttime routine and goes to bed.

She is lying in bed thinking about what her mother tells her after dinner. ‘Jason is the right man for you.’ Judith thinks her mom is wrong and turns over and goes to sleep.

After Jason enters his apartment, he lays out his bag on the bed and unpacks. After putting his personal items in the bureau, he does his bedtime routine.

Before he lies down on the bed he gets on his knees and prays, "Thanks God for everything, let me repent of my sins. Also, thank you God for letting me be in Israel and having dinner with the Hebers and thanks for Judith. Let me humbly ask for another day so that I can become a better Christian than I am today."

After praying, he gets off his knees, gets into bed, and falls sleep quickly.

At 5:00 AM on the dot, both Judith and Jason’s internal clocks go off. They both get up and do their morning routine.

Jason gets back on his knees, “Thanks God for another day and please God protect Judith and my teammates today. “

He continues to get dressed for work.

Judith gets dressed and remembers that Jason has no food in the apartment. She goes down the hall to his apartment and knocks on the door.

Jason answers the door and says, “Good morning, Judith.”

She says, “Good morning and would you like to come over for some breakfast?”

Jason says, “Yes and thank you.”

She says, “The door will be unlocked.”

She heads back up the steps and enters her apartment.

Jason gets everything he needs, locks up and heads to her apartment.

When he gets to the door, knocks, and opens it, Judith is at the table where she is eating. It is bagels and lox.

She tells him to get some or look in the refrigerator. He sits down gives thanks to God for breakfast and eats the bagels and lox. The TV is on with the news. At 6:15 AM, they leave for headquarters. As they were get into the SUV, Judith puts the M4 carbine case back in the trunk.

When they get to their office, Jason sits down and opens his Bible to read.

Judith logs into her computer, checks her messages, and makes out a list.

After Jason finishes reading from the Bible, he logs in and waits for orders.

Judith gets up and heads for Jason's table.

When she gets to the table, she says, “You have been trained in intelligence work, right?”

Jason says, “Yes, Ma'am.”

Judith says, “Here is a list of names on this flash drive and all our info. Look them over and see if your American database can detect anything we missed?”

She puts the flash drive and printed list of names on the desk and walks back to her desk.

Jason says, “Yes, Ma'am.”

They both go to work and forget about anything but their task at hand.

Right before lunchtime, Judith gets a phone call from her boss and is ordered to report to his office.

When she enters his office, her boss tells her, according to the intelligence report that a wanted member of the Palestine Liberation Organization is going to be at a warehouse in the West Bank. He is authorizing her to arrest the terrorist. The report says that he will be there around 2:00 PM and she needs to get a move on to get there before the suspect.

Judith quickly briefs him about Haman Bakeri, “I got a report this morning, that he has a meeting this afternoon about 3:00 PM. The agents are still following him.”

Her boss says, “Good job, and keep me informed.”

She says, “Yes, sir.”

She hurriedly leaves and goes to her team officers to quickly brief them. They get their gear and head to the underground parking lot to load up the vans and cars.

She taps on the glass of her door and waves to Jason.

He gets up, opens the door, and asks, “What is up?”

She tells him that they have an operation and to head for her SUV.

He gets his coat and runs for the car. He is only one-step behind her. They get into her car and head for the scene.

Her special operations team has loaded up and their vans and cars follow her to the scene. They pull up at an area near the warehouse, but not to close and out of sight. When everyone is at the scene, Judith and Jason get out of the car. As she is briefing the team, they pull up, synchronize their maps up on their smart phones, and find a spot to deploy and meet up. They test their advanced walkie-talkies.

She goes to her SUV trunk, gets her M4 carbine, and puts on the sling around her shoulder.

Judith gives orders. The sniper teams gets in position and everyone else goes to support positions.

Jason is impressed. He has not seen anything like this, since his days in Delta.

Judith orders Jason to stay with her. He is there as an observer.

Jason says, “Yes, Ma'am.” He is disappointed because he will not be in the action, but understands. He also gives a quick silent pray for the team.

One of the sniper teams members reports seeing the target and it is confirmed, the assault team would enter the area, storm the warehouse, arrest the target and anyone else that is there, and collect any intelligence. Judith and Jason will follow in the assault team to help clean up. The snipers teams would cover. The main objective is to get in and out before anyone could know what happened.

As the intelligence report from the men stationed a mile away says, the target arrived is arriving on time. The operation is going off like clockwork.

Judith calls her boss. “I know you were listening to the action but to confirm: No one was killed; three other members of the PLO were arrested and no shots were fired.”

“Great job Judith, keep in touch,” he says.

Judith is proud of her team. After the operation, she puts her M4 carbine back in her trunk.

Judith and Jason stop by a fast food restaurant and pick up enough food for everyone. As they were about to carry out the food, she gets a call on her cell phone. It is one of her agents.

He says, "The report has come in and Haman Bakeri has a meeting with a smuggler.”

She says, “Thank you” and hangs up.

Judith calls her boss and briefs him.

He tells her, “If the agents could grab the smuggler without a scene, and without Bakeri knowing do it.”

She says, “OK.” and hangs up.

She calls her lead agent at the office and tells him what the boss says.

The agent says, “It will be done.”

“So the operation is a go,” she confirms.

Judith picks up the rest of the food that Jason left on the table and follows him to her car.

When they were in her car, Jason says, “What is up?”

Driving back to the office, she tells him the latest developments, “Hopeful by tonight the smuggler, will say what job he has done for Haman.”

They enter the headquarters and pass out the food. They take their food back to the office.

Jason sits down with his food at the table and prays over his meal to give thanks.

They go back to work on their computers for the next few hours.

Judith gets a phone call that they have bought in the smuggler.

It is around dinnertime, Judith says, “It is time to leave for today.”

They log out and leave the building.

When they get to her SUV, Jason says, “Can we drop by the grocery store before or after dinner tonight? So I can pick up some things.”

Judith says, “Sure, after dinner. I need to get something myself.” She also says, “I want to show you around Jerusalem. So you can learn where everything is.”

Jason says, “Great.”

She drove them around for an hour. She found a nice place for them to eat. It is a small little family owned restaurant. It is a place that a person would take someone on a date.

At dinner, she gets a call.

An agent says, “The smuggler smuggled in a man named “Vlad the Terrible". We are trying to find out, who he is.”

She says, “Thanks, I need the name on my desk in the morning.”

She hung up and tells Jason about the phone call.

Jason tells her, “For some reason I have heard the name before.”

“Oh, I will know in the morning who he is.”

When the meals arrive, Jason prays over his meal and gives thanks. They talk about the activities and accomplishments of the day.

When they leave Jason once again pays for the meal. Judith puts up more of a fight than her dad but Jason still wins.

After the meal, they go to the grocery store.

As they were checking out, the cashier says, “You guys look like a great couple, when are you getting married?”

Judith does not know what to says, but Jason says, “We are just friends nothing else.”

The cashier says, “To bad.”

They pay for their groceries and load them in the SUV.

On the way back to the apartment complex, they chitchat about what the cashier said, and why would she think that? They also talk about life in Jerusalem.

All the time, in the back of Jason’s mind, he is trying to figure out, ‘Why do I know the name Vlad the Terrible?”

When they get to the apartment complex, Jason gets all the bags from the grocery store. Judith gets her M4 carbine bag. They go to her apartment. When they get inside Jason separated the groceries. Judith puts the M4 carbine on her love seat because she is going to clean it.

After a few minutes, Jason says, “Goodnight and I had a great time.”

Judith says, “Goodnight and I also had a great time.”

Jason gets his grocery bags and leaves the apartment. He goes down the hall, unlocks, and enters his apartment.

After Jason leaves, Judith turns on the TV. To the noise of the news network, she cleans her M4 carbine. Satisfied that it is clean, she puts it back together and puts the case by the door. She turns off the TV and gets in bed. During her bedtime routine, she always puts her pistols on the bedside table. Lying on the bed, she is thinking about what her mother said and what the cashier said. It is odd, but she needs more time to think before doing anything. She goes to sleep.

After Jason enters his apartment, he puts up his groceries and watches a little TV. After that and his bedtime routine, he gets down on his knees “Thanks God for everything. Please God grant me another day for you to make me a better Christian. Let me know if Judith is my Eva.’

He gets up and just lies there on the bed thinking about the name “Vlad the Terrible.” Around three in the morning, it hits him who he is. He jumps up just wearing pajama pants, leaves the apartment, but makes sure his door is unlocked and runs down to Judith’s door and knocks.

Judith is sound asleep when she hears the knocks. Sleepily she is trying to figure out what is going on. She grabs her Glock-19 off the bedside table. She goes to the door quietly and looks out the peephole.

Jason says, “It is me, Jason Pain, open the door.”

She unlocks and opens the door. She is wearing nothing but a black lace and satin camisole set.

Judith sees that Jason is only wearing pajama pants.

She is thinking, ‘Does the Templar, hope he is going to break one of his vows with me?’

Jason says, “I figured out who Vlad the Terrible is.”

Judith thinks, ‘Nope, Templar is one of a kind.”

Jason enters the apartment and closes the door.

Judith says, “Who is he?”

Jason says, “His name is Vladimir Zukovsky. I heard about him when I was in Special Forces. He is a former member of Spetsnaz Alpha. The theory about why he left is that Vlad thinks Russia is too soft so he became a mercenary. Nevertheless, he is a true mercenary. He does not care whom he works for or what the job is, as long as they pay his fee.”

Jason asks, “Could you log onto the database with your home computer?”

Judith says, “Yes.”

She walks over to the computer to boot it up and logs on to the database.

She says, “What is his name?”

Jason says, “Vladimir Zukovsky.”

She types the name into the search engine. His name came up and Jason is right. Long lists of atrocities are linked to him but the authorities had never had any hard proof for convictions.

Jason says, “Is there a picture of him?”

Judith says, “Yes.”

“If I can make a suggestion, Ma'am?”

She says in a sharp tone, “You are here in my apartment. We are both barely dressed. It is three in the morning. So drop the military etiquette. What is your suggestion?”

Jason says, “My suggestion is that you print his photo, some other photos of different people. Take the photos to the smuggler in custody and see if he points him out?”

Judith says, “OK, I will do it first thing in the morning. Now can I get back to sleep?”

Jason says, “Yes.”

She walks him to the door.

Jason is still half-asleep and excited. Impulsively he grabs Judith and kisses her on the lips with lustful passion.

Judith being even more asleep when Jason entered the apartment is now fully awake. She returned the kiss with more passion and lust.

After what seems to be a lifetime in a few minutes, Jason let her go, turns away, says, “Goodnight” and goes back to his apartment. He fell into bed and is immediately asleep.

Judith closes and locks the door behind Jason. Her mind is racing now. She went over to the couch and felt on it. She is trying to understand the kiss. After some time, she turned on the TV trying to turn off her mind. After a few minutes, she felt asleep on the couch.

At five o’clock on the dot, Jason wakes up and starts his morning routine.

After Jason says his morning prayer, his mind flashes back to the kiss with Judith. He feels like he needs to apologize. He very much enjoyed the kiss, but this is his boss. Therefore, he rushes through getting dress. He is in such a big hurry he forgets to get his pistol. He locks up, goes to Judith’s door, and knocks.

Judith is somewhat awake on the couch with the TV on. She is trying to figure out why she is on the couch. She remembers what happen a few hours before. Her mind is still trying to figure out the kiss.

She hears the knocks on the door and goes to the door without thinking, still in her camisole. She forgets to look out the peephole, unlocks, and opens the door without knowing who it is.

Jason enters and closes the door behind him.

Judith went back to the couch and pulls the afghan over her.

Jason says, “I am deeply sorry about the late night. I did not mean for it to happen.”

Judith says, “OK, we will forget it.”

Jason says, “I will fix breakfast, while you are getting dressed.”

“OK,” she gets up, goes to her room to find the outfits she usually wares. During all of this, she is still half sleep. When she is in the shower, she smells something good cooking. She finishes dressing, goes to the kitchen, and sees a breakfast fit for a Queen on her table.

Jason is in the kitchen cleaning up the dishes in a girly apron, he found it in the cabinet with her fancy party decorations. She almost laughs at seeing him in that apron.

Judith wonders, ‘Did he stay the night?’

She reassures herself, ‘Not my Templar,’ and remembers opening the door for him a few minutes earlier.

At the kitchen table, Jason pushes her chair in behind her.

“The food looks and smells great.”

Jason says, “Thank you” and pours them a cup of coffee.

Judith is eating as if she has never eaten before. Jason is also eating with delight as the TV news keeps them company.

When they are done, Jason starts to put everything away.

Judith looks at the time, “If we don’t get a move on it, we are going to be late.” She tells him, “Let’s go.”

He heads for the door, picks up his coat.

The TV says it is going to rain after lunch; Judith gets her black trench and her M4 carbine case.

As Jason is about to close and lock door, Judith turns around to see Jason still wearing that girly apron. This time she could not stop from laughing aloud.

Jason is trying to figure out what is so funny. After a few seconds, she points to the apron.

“That would be cute, going to work with that on.”

Jason looks down and sees that he still has the apron on. He rips it off and throws it in the apartment and closes the locked door.

Judith is laughing the whole time they walk to her SUV and still has short outbursts of giggling while she is driving.

At headquarters, they check in and head to their office. Walking through the division room everyone noticed Judith smiling. That is very rare eyebrows were raise.

When they get to the office, they both log into their computers.

Jason opens his Bible.

At Jason’s desk Judith, checks on his screen information and sees the electronic arrow self-stick note pointing to John 15:13, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

After she goes back to her computer, Jason went back to the list that he was working on yesterday.

Judith prints Vlad’s image and photographs of other people and heads down to smuggler's cell.

Sure enough, the smuggler pointed out the photo of Vlad. She rushes to the boss’s office, briefs him on the new developments.

Her boss says, “Find Vlad and Haman as soon as possible.”

She calls the team together in the division room at the display board and gives them the latest information. Judith splits them in two groups. Half will go after Haman. The rest will try to find Vlad.

The first team gathers their equipment and heads out.

Judith, Jason, and one of the tactical team to will go after Haman, get ready to leave. As they quickly walk to their cars, Judith calls the agents following Haman and gets the address where he is located. They rush out of the enclosed parking lot in their vehicles.

When they get to the safe house that Haman is at, Judith begins to give orders. Jason gets the M4 carbine out of the trunk of the SUV. He tells Judith that he will be leading on point.

She almost orders him to stand down but time is not on their side.

She says, “Ok.”

Jason leads the men to the door. A team member puts a charge on the door and another one gets a flash bang ready. Jason gives the thumps up. The door is blow open.

In less than a second, the flash bang is in the room, and the flash goes off. Jason and the tactical team clear the house moving from room to room. Jason and another member find Haman in a back closet. Haman reaches for a pistol and both Jason and another member double tap him. He is dead.

Judith enters the house when she gets the all clear. She tries to find Jason. She is worried about him.

‘Why am I worried about him? This is unlike me!’

She found Jason going over the papers and computer files that were in the room. He found a map and other things connected to the Temple Mount. His mind is racing.

When he see Judith he says, “Vlad’s target is the Temple Mount.”

Judith says, “What?”

Jason says, “In your Israeli file about Haman, it said, ‘He left because Iran is not doing enough to unite the Islamic world.’ Haman hires Vlad because he is the best and does not care about anything but himself. If someone were to attack the Temple Mount the Islamic world would blame the State of Israel and the rest of the western world.”

Judith looked at Jason and says, “It is Friday and prayers are about to start.”

Judith orders a couple of members of the tactical team to stay and the rest to follow them.

They ran to their vehicles. Jason puts the M4 carbine in the backseat. She gets on her cell’s speaker and drives at full speed to the Temple Mount.

She briefs her boss; he puts the agency on full alert and sends out more agents. She throws the cell phone in the backseat.

As he studies the map it hits Jason, the map that Haman had in the house is a map made by the Temple Institute. It shows another way to get on the Mount. He tells Judith about it.

She knows where the alternate entrance is because her father is a history buff.

They park near the site. Judith puts her phone in the pocket of her trench coat she wears with her cell phone in the pocket to hide her M4 carbine. The rifle does not have a sling on it because she took it out while cleaning last night and forgot to put it back.

She tells Jason to stay close and to act as if they are on a date. They begin walking along very closely to each other. They were looking into each other’s eyes and talking as if they were on a date.

Jason sees Vlad, he is 500 yards away, and he tells Judith. Vlad is about to ascend the Mount.

“If he gets on the Temple Mount, that is it,” Judith says. “By law, no one who is Jewish can go on the Temple Mount.”

She stands by a column and pulls up her M4 carbine. She slowed down her breathing and does what she is trained to do as a sniper. She slowly squeezed the trigger as she lets her breath out. The shot is a perfect head shot he falls to the ground. She puts her M4 carbine back in her trench coat.

Judith and Jason walk over to Vlad, two police officers come running to investigate the shot they hear. The police officers see the two people walking over to someone who is on the ground.

One of the officers says, “Police, let me see your hands.”

Judith turns around to see what is going on.

The officers see the M4 carbine in her hand as she is turning around. Fearing for their safety, the two officers draw their pistols and fire.

At the same time as Judith is turning around Jason is too. Jason sees the officers draw their pistols. He pushes Judith out of the way and forces the M4 carbine out of her hand.

As soon as Judith sees the officers, she says loudly, “Shin Bet.”

However, by the time the officers heard her words two shots had been fired.

The two bullets hit Jason. One bullet hits him in the shoulder area; the other bullet hits him in the chest area.

Judith rushes over to Jason. She gets down on her knees and starts to apply pressure to the chest wound. Her eyes were filling with emotions.

Jason looks into her eyes and says, "I love you, My Eva."

Judith starts to cry. She says, "I love you, My Adam."

The police officers were trying to get an ambulance to the scene. Just seconds later, her agents arrived at the scene. One of her tactical medical personnel gets down on the ground with them. She started to treat Jason. The medical personnel cannot stop the hemorrhaging in the chest wound. After a few second, Jason dies. Judith cradles his head and breaks down crying.

Back at the grave, Judith kisses the rose and puts it on Jason’s grave and say, “I will always love you my Adam.” She leaves and walks back into the shadows.



Submitted August 31, 2015 at 07:39AM by thespy01 http://ift.tt/1JqUUB8 ShortStoriesCritique

Looking for help with under cabinet lights that I don't know how to turn on HomeImprovement

Location: Cincinnati, Ohio

Problem: I'm hoping to maybe pick some of your brains here to help me out with this situation that has been bugging me since I moved into this place a few months ago. I have 6 lights underneath the wall cabinets in my kitchen. I have no idea how to turn these lights on. All 6 lights have exposed wiring that goes directly into the wall behind the cabinets, so I am not sure how to approach tracing the wires. There is a light switch in the kitchen that I can't figure out what it was installed for. It is above the kitchen counter next to a coax cable outlet, and is connected to the same breaker switch as the refrigerator (located a few feet to the left of it). I figured out that the light switch controls the power to an outlet on the other side of the wall as the fridge (in the laundry room). That outlet is located next to two black wires jutting out of the wall that the realtor said the previous owner used to hook up speakers (I have no idea why they would want speakers in the laundry room, but to each their own). I'm kind of at a loss here. My parents own the place, so it is okay if I do some work on the walls or whatnot, but I don't really want to put a ton of holes in the walls to figure out where these wires lead to. I thought that maybe these lights could be "always on" and maybe the bulbs are just burnt out, but the bulbs look fine (the filament isn't broken in any of the six lights), and I connected a cheap voltage tester to the exposed part of the wires inside the disassembled light fixture and saw that the wires weren't hot, so I don't think that is the problem. I do find it strange that this light switch is on the same breaker as the fridge and only controls a single outlet in another room. Maybe I am getting too fixed on this switch and these lights are actually wired up elsewhere though. I have tried ever combination of light switches in the place to try to get these to light up though, and to no avail. I know this isn't anything crucial and I could live with never turning those lights on, but unfortunately I'm the kind of person where something like this bothers me every time I walk into the kitchen. If anyone has any ideas at all, I am open to any suggestions. I am half tempted to hire an electrician to come figure this out for me as I don't have many fancy tools to trace wires and such, but I am definitely willing to try a few things before resorting to that. Hopefully someone with more experience with this kind of thing can give me an idea that I haven't thought of and I can turn these dumb lights on. Thank you in advance for any comments/advice!

Images: http://ift.tt/1NR76Au



Submitted August 31, 2015 at 08:02AM by Nazadil http://ift.tt/1JvmvTL HomeImprovement

TIFU by screaming "MY ASSHOLE HURTS" tifu

So a few background info:

I'm in the ringer lobby on teamspeak for a [League of Legends tournament](victoriousgaming.com) (basically they call you up if one of the players in the tournament DC or AFK to replace them). I use teamspeak on my iphone since I don't have a mic for my PC.

I have the last jello from our refrigerator and I'm in the kitchen with my brother, and my brother says "That better not be the last Jello Cami5x5" and finds out it is. He pushes me from behind (like playfully) and leans over me for the jello and being the weird fucks we are we start screaming vulgar shit.

"MY ASSHOLE HURTS"

"Hello Imperial Jap Cat are you rea-"

...

I quit the teamspeak app. Back in ringer lobby. I hope I get a different recruiter.



Submitted August 31, 2015 at 05:16AM by Cami5x5 http://ift.tt/1PFT5nG tifu

I had to power cycle my refrigerator to get the built-in ice maker working again. firstworldproblems

I needed the ice because the fridge is too full of food at this moment which means the filtered water jug is on the counter.



Submitted August 31, 2015 at 03:04AM by drucius http://ift.tt/1Eua6Rv firstworldproblems

Oven/cooktop (range) receiving half-power? Works but doesn't, stuck in repair purgatory... fixit

Since losing power yesterday and having it restored last night, my electric oven + cooktop (range) has been acting funny. I have found a lot of information about what to do if a range is not working at all- replacing fuses, heating elements, etc. - but there seems to be nothing out there for my particular problem: My stovetop and oven are both working, BUT not to their full capacity. I have a frigidaire oven with a glass cooktop with the coil burners underneath the glass. The stovetop heats weakly, but not as hot as it should and I can even see it's not glowing as brightly as it should (we tried to boil water and after an hour, it was just sort of barely beginning to bubble). The oven, meanwhile, gets warm/hot but the heating element is not glowing as it usually does. It's like the whole system is receiving half-power.

I've been scouring the web looking for a solution, and no one seems to have this particular problem of half-working. Most problems/solutions involve stoves with errors, heating elements not working at all, blown fuses, etc. I've reset the breaker, very slowly, multiple times, to no effect.

I called the utility and reported the problem just in case there's something going on their end (this problem only started after losing and regaining power), but we don't have any flickering or dimmed lights (no incandescent bulbs though, so it's hard to tell) and our refrigerator and computers seem to work fine. Is it possible the electrical outlet was damaged, and is only providing half power? Does it sound like a problem with the unit itself? It seems like the stove should either not work at all, or work completely, so I feel I'm stuck in repair purgatory...

Any help or thoughts would be greatly appreciated!



Submitted August 31, 2015 at 01:15AM by ajc89 http://ift.tt/1IwkVx8 fixit

Help with semi-operative stove/range DIY

Since losing power yesterday and having it restored last night, my electric oven + cooktop (range) has been acting funny. I have found a lot of information about what to do if a range is not working at all- replacing fuses, heating elements, etc. - but there seems to be nothing out there for my particular problem: My stovetop and oven are both working, BUT not to their full capacity. I have a frigidaire oven with a glass cooktop with the coil burners underneath the glass. The stovetop heats weakly, but not as hot as it should and I can even see it's not glowing as brightly as it should (we tried to boil water and after an hour, it was just sort of barely beginning to bubble). The oven, meanwhile, gets warm/hot but the heating element is not glowing as it usually does. It's like the whole system is receiving half-power.

I've been scouring the web looking for a solution, and no one seems to have this particular problem of half-working. Most problems/solutions involve stoves with errors, heating elements not working at all, blown fuses, etc. I've reset the breaker, very slowly, multiple times, to no effect.

I called the utility and reported the problem just in case there's something going on their end (this problem only started after losing and regaining power), but we don't have any flickering or dimmed lights (no incandescent bulbs though, so it's hard to tell) and our refrigerator and computers seem to work fine. Is it possible the electrical outlet was damaged, and is only providing half power? Does it sound like a problem with the unit itself? It seems like the stove should either not work at all, or work completely, so I feel I'm stuck in repair purgatory...

Any help or thoughts would be greatly appreciated!



Submitted August 31, 2015 at 01:02AM by ajc89 http://ift.tt/1IwjC1j DIY

My in laws are disgusting and I'm sad for my husbeast. breakingmom

This is a throwaway. I am a normal subscriber/poster on here but since my husbeast knows my regular username and this has to do with his family, I thought it best to create a throwaway. Also, this is probably gonna be a bit long and rambly and I'm on my phone browser so excite any weird autocorrects.

Sooooo me on my regular account: made a post last week about the husbeast and I changing places and that we were going on in vacation? Well I posted on the private one but I'll sum it up here: vacation did not go well. We were in the mountains for less than 24 hours because smoke was making the air quality super questionable for our 11 month old. By the time we got home we were exhausted and demoralized. Next night we get a phone call that his mom is going into the hospital. His dad has just had hernia surgery less than a week prior. Husbeast wakes up next morning to go visit his mom and we discover his catalytic converter was stolen. Yay! So I deal with insurance and police reports while he tends to his family. Since that point we've just been dealing with shit on top of shit. It's been a very stressful week. It can always be worse so I'm thankful of that but still. Not a great week.

Anyways, his mom got out of the hospital last night. She's been in for almost a week and they still don't know what exactly it was. They think it was either viral meningitis, fungal meningitis, or something that mimicked that. Well, no one can get a straight answer or get in contact with the doctor. He apparently talked to my MIL but understandably(symptoms were like a stroke so memory is still a bit fuzzy) she can't remember everything he said and just keeps repeating that he said it wasn't contagious. That's nice, MIL, but we'll wait to talk to the doctor before I risk my daughters health because you miss her.

And my real point of my post: the husbeast is at his parents right now trying to clean up. His parents are....not clean people. They are the equivalent of teenage roommates but obviously much older. My MIL's brother also lives there but he lives in the camper in the driveway... Well, he just had reconstructive surgery to his jaw so he is also in the hospital but will be coming home soon. Which requires a clean and safe place, as in not the camper. Their house is a 3 bedroom house. My FIL sleeps in their bedroom, my MIL took over my SIL's room when she moved out, my husbands room is just full of stuff and few cats. So, husbeasts old room should be what becomes uncles new room, right? Well that's a lot of shit to do right now.

Husbeast is over there and he is just completely demoralized and depressed. He didn't realize how bad it is, I guess. My MIL doesn't clean. (And let me stop right here and interject that I by no means think it is only her responsibility to clean. My FIL and their uncles are assholes who tend to live in the past in some ways so they don't feel like it's their job to do the cleaning. My FIL works and he is basically the only income coming into the house so I can't blame him for feeling frustrated that he'd still have to come clean after work while MIL does not work. Uncle has just gone through chemo and cancer stuff so he's still on the mend but his behavior is not anything new except now he won't help around the house when at least he used to cook. Either way, they all act like irresponsible roommates who refuse to clean up after themselves because in their mind it's someone else's job to do it. Meanwhile it isn't.) She'll clean when she knows she has to, like for their annual Christmas Eve party but she tries to delegate and get husbeast or SIL to do it. The last time we were over there the living room looked pretty good but I'm guessing the bedrooms are a disaster and I know the kitchen was pretty fucking bad.

When husbeast lived there he completely cleaned the kitchen TWICE, once by himself and once with SIL. By clean, I mean emptied and threw out everything in the cupboards, cleaned the appliances, did all the dishes and put them away in organized homes, organized the dry goods and refrigerator, etc. they did a great job both times. But my in laws (and their uncle) are just ridiculous. They do not keep anything up. When we were there last week, the kitchen was just....disgusting. The sink was full to the brim of dirty dishes, there was crap all over the counters, the dry goods area was just overrun wth crap. Just a mess man. I'm so used to seeing this mess there that I actively do not go looking for it. I just turn a blind eye to it and try to just get through the visit. I don't tell my husband this because it would break his heart. Since the shebeast was born we've been over there a handful of times. I don't want to eat there, I don't want to touch anything, I don't want my daughter to touch anything. The living room is ok but what about the rest of the house?

He knows anyways because he doesn't push us going over there. HE doesn't want to go over there. It's disgusting and I know it's overwhelming to start but we've all offered to help so many times. It's always 'boo hoo me.' They're overwhelmed and depressed but they don't pull themselves out of it. My poor husband. He's having that moment in Sex in the City Where Steve goes to his moms house and sees how awful it is? And his all alone because his SIL is at home with her baby and MIL. She's (SIL) is handling so much of the paperwork type stuff that I can't fault her for throwing all this onto husbeasts plate but it's still kinda shitty. And they have these really unrealistic expectations. She thinks "they" can get it all done in a day or two but the house is so far beyond that. If "they" included like 4 more people, sure but "they" is really just my husband with his still healing father following him around and probably asking husbeast to do something completely unrelated this just distracting from what actually needs to be finished.

I'm just so heartbroken for my husband. I knew how bad it is at my in laws. I did not grow up like that. I have always been aware of how that house was not appropriate as far as cleanliness. My mother is hoarder but she keeps it hidden away and somewhat organized. His parents are just... I don't know, messy? They aren't so much hoarders as not cleaners? Is that a thing? How do you fix this? Obviously we can help and clean but how does it stay clean? How do you teach 50-60 year olds to stop acting like children and clean up after themselves? Especially when they've always been this way, it's just worse now that husbeast and SIL don't live there.

I just... I'm at a loss. Everyone expects my husband to just fix this issue but it isn't one he can fix. Sure he can clean it up over time but not within a day. And how is he supposed to feel when it isn't upkept? He doesn't even want me to come help because he doesn't want me in that mess. That's how bad it is. How can 3 adults live like that and think it's acceptable?



Submitted August 31, 2015 at 12:14AM by Bluewallsredspot http://ift.tt/1JF7tfC breakingmom

ProTip: Don't put your hay in the freezer RimWorld

It only just dawned on me, hay goes off after around 80 days. That's 8 months. If you're in a temperate climate then a few of those months will be sub zero. That's enough to keep a years worth of feed available.

Also, if you are using pastures, then restrict your herd so they can't get at the feed during the summer months.

Granted this won't work if you are battery farming but small/medium farming should be fine.

Essentially hay has been set up to be like the real world, you don't see real farms with huge refrigerators so why do we?



Submitted August 31, 2015 at 12:37AM by greentrafficcone http://ift.tt/1fPE1rk RimWorld

Refrigerators should beep when doors are left ajar Showerthoughts

Just like landline phones do.



Submitted August 30, 2015 at 11:30PM by risk0 http://ift.tt/1NQhSXy Showerthoughts

Powee outage ruined our perishables. One income family and need money for food. Assistance

Edit spelling in title... power

The power in the Pacific northwest has been out 24 hours for thousands of people. Our power is still out and current estimates are 2-3 days. All our perishables in our refrigerator and freezer that we just bought need to be tossed. We don't have a propane stove to cook so we are eating crackers right now. We have a 9 month old baby girl and are a single income family. We don't have enough emergency funds saved up yet to cover groceries. Food bank is open tomorrow but there are so many people without power right now that I think their stores are going to be wiped out pretty quick. Asking for a little financial assistance to get some groceries for our family for the week. Hopefully the power will come back on soon. :(



Submitted August 30, 2015 at 11:27PM by stickfiguredrawings http://ift.tt/1KVyYOL Assistance

1999 Lincoln TownCar electrical issues MechanicAdvice

Had the car for about 8 months now no issues other than low freon. Battery was replaced may 2014.

While driving the other night the gauges were registering zero and the the turn signal was barely registering. This seems more prevalent while coasting or idling. Upon acceleration everything comes back on. I noticed while coasting/idling the AC is much more weak than when accelerating as well.

My first thought was the alternator, but could it be just an idle pulley? Belt looks to be in good condition with no noticeable slipping. Battery terminals are clean.

Should I just go ahead with an alternator? Idle Pulley? Both?



Submitted August 30, 2015 at 10:50PM by el_refrigerator http://ift.tt/1NH9I4C MechanicAdvice

FREE - Refrigerator and Dishwasher (Upper West Side) FreeStuffNYC

Refrigerator - Frigidaire Gallery Professional Series 32"w, 67"h, 32"d Dishwasher - Frigidaire Gallery Professional Series Buyer needs to arrange for pick up. Must use knowledgeable (professional) movers, as building facilities cannot be damaged. M [...]

from Craigslist http://ift.tt/1F9xcHz

via IFTTT



Submitted August 30, 2015 at 09:53PM by fiplefip http://ift.tt/1icd4jb FreeStuffNYC

Free Kenmore top freezer fridge (Pouch terrace) FreeStuffNYC

Free Kenmore top Freezer Refrigerator. Good condition just missing 1 door shelf and ice tray. Need it gone today or late tomorrow. You haul away. Serious inquiries only please. Will not hold for anyone since I am moving out tomorrow.

from Craigslist http://ift.tt/1IvzfpE

via IFTTT



Submitted August 30, 2015 at 07:22PM by fiplefip http://ift.tt/1Vogxts FreeStuffNYC

[FP] Fat Bomb Hack - Keto Almond Joy! keto

TL:DR: Adapted keto fat bomb recipe to make an Almond Joy

First, kudos go out to Caveman Keto for his keto fat bomb recipe. I have used this recipe a couple times, trying both the sunflower seed butter, and a peanut butter coconut spread. While I loved Reese's peanut cups, and these are a similar idea, my wife's all time favorite candy bar was the Almond Joy. I now find these eclipse the peanut butter cup version :)

Here's the link to Caveman Keto's original recipe:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LEFOPKqL_U

Okay, down to business, base fat bomb recipe:

Prepare the chocolate:

3 oz of coconut oil

1.5 oz of cream cheese

1.5 oz sugar free vanilla syrup

(this is the stuff they use in coffee shops for skinny vanilla lattes and such, you might find it in the coffee isle in the supermarket, I had to get mine from a coffee shop. Torani and DaVinci are two brand names)

1.5 tsp of unsweetened coco powder

3 oz of low carb dark chocolate

12 drops of liquid stevia (EZ-Sweets or Sweetleaf's Sweet Drops)

Leave out the almond. sunflower, or peanut butter, instead for the filling use:

1.5 oz of unsweetened shredded coconut

1/4 cup of sugar free vanilla syrup (this is for sweetening the coconut)

12 whole natural almonds (I think it would be weird if you used smoked or salted)

Now I found the shredded coconut to be too course for good results, so I used a food processor to chop it a bit finer. This is important, for if the coconut is too course, it makes it difficult to fit into the cooling cups while allowing the chocolate to seal around it. If the chocolate doesn't seal around the coconut, your almond joy fat bombs will tend to split in two as you knock them free of the pan.

Prepare your chocolate and coconut filling:

You can melt the chocolate (+ other ingredients) in the microwave in a pyrex bowl, or on the stove, however you prefer, but be careful not to burn it. (A double boiler would probably be best and I think I am going to buy one).

Chop the shredded coconut to a finer consistency then add the syrup to it.

Once chocolate is melted, pour a thin layer in your mini muffin pan. place in the freezer and allow to harden. (about 10 minutes is good)

Once hardened, place about 1 teaspoon of the coconut/syrup mix in each cup, use your spoon or a knife to carefully ensure the edges of the circumference of the cups will allow additional chocolate to flow around the coconut. (You will likely end up with some coconut left over, I'm sure you can find something to sprinkle it on!)

Top the coconut with an almond.

Fill cups with remaining chocolate (easier if you reheat the chocolate a bit)

Pop back in freezer to harden (15-20 minutes). I pop them out of the pan by turning upside down and giving it a thump, they usually pop right out without much trouble.

You can store these in a zip-lock bag in your freezer, but I prefer to keep them in the refrigerator. That way they are not so cold when you eat them, and more of the flavor is released when they are not rock solid. Be advised, all the coconut oil in these makes them melt in your fingers readily, I'm sure you won't mind ;)

And here are some pics of the process for reference! I hope you enjoy these as much as my wife and I do!

http://ift.tt/1N2S2Rc

Edit: tried to break up the paragraphs a bit.



Submitted August 30, 2015 at 05:07PM by KamyKeto http://ift.tt/1UlLk7J keto

[M]y [f]irst fuck in college. gonewildstories

I just started college recently and things have been going fine, I guess. My classes are fun, I'm making new friends, the environment is amazing, the teachers are wonderful (even though I can't sleep with them) and I should be having the time of my life.

I've actually been feeling pretty down lately for no apparent reason. One of my friends - the closest one I've made here, actually - must have noticed and invited me out for a party with some of his friends from high school who also made it to the same university. To be invited, you had to take some kind of shot in front of the people who were sending the invitations out. Mark and all his friends did it, but he ensured me I didn't have to since alcohol was never really my thing. It would have been my first college party, so I figured, why not?

He picked me up from my dorm room at around 11 that night. This guy's name is Mark. Mark's 5'10 and taking Biology, but is a year ahead of me. We met because he wanted to help out some underclassmen one time by giving them some of his hand-outs, but I overheard him talking in Japanese to his older brother about his brother getting semen all over them.

When I opened the door, Mark was waiting just outside and leaning against the wall, beaming and smiling and pretty much just a ball of adorableness. He was a shitload taller than me, but if he were shorter he would have been the kid I would love to squeeze because they just look so cuddly. Don't take it the wrong way, Mark is in no way chubby. Apparently he was offered a scholarship for soccer in another university but insisted on getting into the Biology program here.

Three things you need to know about Mark:

1) He laughs. A lot. Sometimes at others, most of the time at himself. You can see the laugh lines on his face and the guy could pretty much put smiling and/or laughing on his resume.

2) If he were any day of the week he'd probably be a Friday. Fridays are fucking awesome but sometimes a bit too much.

3) He knows every dorm food hack there is to know. His roommate blames Mark for his gaining 15 pounds in their freshman year.

Mark and I headed over to that party. It was being thrown by some sorority and there were a bunch of jocks there a lot of girls I wouldn't have interacted with in a normal social situation. To sum it up, the music was loud, some girls were naked, some guys were naked, there were drinks, there was screaming, it was everything you saw in those movies.

I let Mark head off to hang out with some of his friends and tried my best to socialise - maybe meeting some new people would get me in a better mood. That was the whole point of coming here, yeah? I went into some place that looked like a kitchen (it had a refrigerator) and walked in on a pair of girls making out. They didn't seem to mind me much. Not even when they started stripping. All the drinks were laid out in pink and blue cups and everyone just kept guzzling them down. A bunch of other people were in there, too, all drinking, all busy talking to each other, I joined in the conversation and they weren't that bad despite being half and/or completely drunk.

It was fun until two of them started making out. We were in a group of four, and once the couple (who said they'd just met that very night) started getting busy I started talking to one of the sorority girls. Her name was Kelsea. She was a pretty blonde and her legs went on for days.

Mark popped up out of nowhere and he looked pretty darn confused. He went over to where Kelsea and I were.

"Hey Mark," Kelsea said. "What's up?"

Mark pointed back to the living room. "There's people having sex out there."

"Yeah, so what?" Kelsea said it like it was the most normal thing in the world. "Didn't you listen to the invite?"

"Huh?" Mark scratched his head. he started laughing. "Listening was never my strong point, Kels. What's happening here?"

"There was bremelanotide in those shots, silly." She walked over and started rubbing Mark's arm. He did have very nice arms. "Also some other stuff in the drinks we're giving out."

"What's bremelanotide?" I asked. "Sounds like a drug."

For the first time since I'd met him, Mark looked scared. "It's a fucking libido drug," he said. "Did you...did you put anything in those cupcakes Jodie was handing out?"

"My personal favorite." Kelsea walked even closer to Mark and started nibbling on his neck. Mark didn't look like he was enjoying it very much.

"How come I didn't get a cupcake?" What? Nobody offered me any cupcakes.

"Aww, Sofie, sweetie." Kelsea stepped away from Mark and walked closer to me. She stunk of alcohol. "Those are only for boys. I can't have anything happening to you."

"Kelsea, I've had seven." Mark said. "What the fuck am I supposed to do?"

"Me, for a start." Smooth.

Mark grabbed my hand and led me back out into the living room. There really were people having sex - hell, it didn't even look much like a party anymore. Hardly anyone was clothed. "Come on," he said. "Let's get out of here."

"Drugs?"

"A lot." He laughed. "Did you drink anything or eat anything?"

"I don't have much of an appetite." We were outside at that point. There were even some people doing it on the lawn.

Mark stopped and swiveled around to face me. "Are you still sad?" Dear god, he looked like some kind of kicked puppy. "I'm sorry that party was so shit. I shouldn't have brought you there. You don't look like the type to screw around with just anybody."

You have no idea. "How come you're not thinking with your dick right now?"

Mark started bouncing on his toes. "Who says I'm not?" We started rushing back in the direction of my dorm. "I've got to get you back to your room quickly so I can go back to my own room and jack off."

"How much did you drink?"

"Maybe around 21 of those cups? I'm fucked though - there were drugs in all of 'em!" He started laughing histerically at that point.

"You're drunk," I told him, and stopped. "You're fucking drunk."

"Not drunk enough to forget everything tomorrow morning!" He wiggled a finger at me. "Besides, I'm only half drunk." The more I looked at him, the more drunk he looked. His steps were uneven and he was all shaky and unsteady. Drunk people were just bigger babies.

We got to my dorm room soon enough and Mark was pretty much jumping high enough for him to hit his butt with his feet. Maybe that was his way of not thinking about all those drugs he was on.

"Sorry again about the shit party, Sofie," he said. I was taking my time with opening the door. It was fun seeing him like that. "I'll bring you to a better one next time, you betcher ass. Then your mood'll get better and you'll be happy again and - "

"You wanna fuck?" I asked him. Mark stopped bouncing. He stared at me, jaw hanging, not saying anything, so I continued. "I'm serious. Do you wanna fuck?"

Mark held his hands up like he was about to surrender. "Look, just because I'm half drunk and on sex drugs that doesn't mean - "

"It'll make me happy." I smiled at him.

Mark was quiet. "Bernice would kill me for - "

Bernice is my uptight roommate that studied like she had nothing better to do. "Bernice is staying at someone else's room tonight. She - "

I didn't get to finish my sentence and Mark grabbed me by the shoulders and lifted me up. He kissed me - not the usual kind of kiss I was used to that was full of stubble and tongue. It was the sweet kind. The one that made you giggle.

Mark put me down and we went inside my room. I was probably going to regret every second of this, but I hadn't had sex in a long while.

He started to unbutton his polo. I took off my dress. He was still unbuttoning his polo. I took off my shoes. He was still unbuttoning his polo by the time I was half-naked and I started laughing at him.

"This is harder than you think!" He laughed.

I went over and helped him out with it. Apparently my fingers were too quick and he held my hand to slow me down. "Can we not have the stereotypical drunk sex that ends with me puking somewhere?"

I laughed at him again. "Then what do you want?"

"Something meaningful - even if this might just be a one-night stand." Mark leaned down and kissed my forehead. "Please?"

I pouted. Not what I was used to. He was a boy my age and he wanted to take it slow. How is that fun? "Fine."

I started unbuttoning his shirt again and kissed his chest. Mark sucked in an audible breath. I bent my knees lower. Another button opened and I kissed his abdomen. I undid the last one and was face-to-face with the bulge in his pants. I looked up at him, asking for permission, and Mark was pretty much laughing at me again.

I undid his belt and tugged his jeans off. "Nice boxers."

"Not a fan of Star Wars?"

"On the contrary I was a Storm Trooper four years in a row for Halloween." The boxers came off and Mark's cock sprang out.

Mark wanted slow. I wasn't sure how to do slow. I leaned over and kissed the tip of his cock, holding on to his shaft with one of my hands and stroking it. I kissed it again. Mark shivered. I swirled my tongue around the tip while my hand went over to cup his balls. I took the entirety of his cock in my mouth and did everything I could so I wouldn't end up being the slobbering, gagging mess I was used to being.

I moved my head slowly, licked gently - Mark petted my head the whole time. I never tore eye contact with him. He ran his fingers through my hair and along my earlobe and down my neck and I shivered.

"You're killing me here," he told me. "Stand up." I stood. Mark held my chin in his fingers and kissed me again. It was his gentle kind of kiss, unrushed and unforced. Before I knew it I was kissing him back. How was I supposed to do this gently? He picked me up I held onto his shoulders for support when we fell on my bed, him on his back, me on top of him. I accidentally but his lip.

Mark started laughing. "Sorry, I should have been more gentle with that."

"You're drunk, it's excusable." We just kept kissing and I decided I liked his gentleness. I could feel his still hard cock on my hip and I couldn't help but start grinding on it. Mark hooked his fingers into my underwear and helped me out of them. He held onto my hips, stopping me from moving. I whined.

"Take your bra off." I complied and threw my bra across the room. "Can I...?" he left his sentence unfinished. I took his hands from my hips and let them cup my boobs.

Mark wasn't gentle when he pinched them or squeezed them. He rolled my nipples in between his fingers and before I knew it I was grinding on him again. Mark released his grip on one of my tits and reached down towards my pussy. Mark put a finger in - just one and I was already squirming on top of him.

Every inch of me was more sensitive than usual during sex. Even the air felt like it was trying to make me cum. Mark's finger moved in and out of me slowly. I listened to his movement in and out of my wet cunt and stared at him while he did it. His other hand didn't stop playing with my boob.

Mark started laughing low in his throat. "Wipe your chin."

"Nnnggghhh?"

"You're drooling."

I wiped my chin. "Sorry."

Before I knew it Mark's hands were on my ass cheeks and he'd forced me onto my back. His head found his way in between my legs and his tongue was in my pussy, licking me, eating me out, nibbling on my clit and I was crushing his head with my thighs. My fingers raked through his hair and every slow, deliberate movement of his tongue over my pussy helped me give one less fuck about how loud I was screaming.

I was so close to cumming, but Mark stopped. I whined and nearly kicked him. He grabbed my leg and kissed my ankle. "You're going to cum with my dick, not my tongue."

He had a hard time putting a condom on. Apparently his pants were too far away and the floor was lava. I was laughing while I helped him.

Mark positioned himself on top of me and ran the edge of his cock over my slit, playing with my clit, getting my wetness all over him. Slowly, he pushed himself in. I was gasping just from it. He held my legs at his sides and our foreheads were pressed together. Mark leaned down and kissed me - tongue, teeth, lips and all.

When Mark was in me, he moved slowly. I could feel every inch of his cock filling me up. I could feel him. It didn't feel like a rush of lust or just something to pass the time. It was different from all of the things I was used to. It was a good different.

I'd started laughing at that. Mark let go of one of my legs and cupped the side of my face. "What?" he asked me.

"Nothing."

He kissed me. "Tell me."

"You know what to do, that's it."

Mark reached down and rubbed my clit. He never changed his pace. My body tightened. I didn't think I could cum from slow sex but I could feel it. Dear god, I could feel it and holy shit.

Mark quickened. He pressed me up against him. His fingers ran circles around my clit and I could feel myself swallowing his cock up. I was moaning and gasping and grinding against him and he was kissing me the whole time.

We came together and fell on my bed. We were a breathing, sweaty tangle of limbs and eventually the two of us just started laughing.

"There's something I need to tell you," he said, but didn't stop laughing. "When's your birthday again?"

"February," I told him.

"So I'm four months older than you." He scratched his chin. Mark and I cuddled naked in my bed, my back to his front. "You aren't usually the kind of girl I'd have sex with."

I was quiet. "Do you have a girlfriend or something?"

"No, no, not that." Mark laughed. "I've been single since I was seventeen. But I usually do things with older women."

"You like MILFS?" I started laughing.

Mark's face went all pink. "Don't think of it like that! It's just that I think they're sophisticated and shit like that."

"Well I like older men," I told him.

"I'm older than you." He grinned from ear to ear.

"I mean legitimately older men. I've done it with a 47 year old and it was one of the best experiences in my life."

"Was that legal?"

"It was during graduation and yes, it's completely legal."

"I went over to a single mom's house every day over the summer while her kids were at swimming camp."

I punched him in the arm. "Gross."

"She was 37, that's an entire decade younger than yours."

"Mine was my physics teacher."

We kept talking all through the night until Mark fell asleep.

My roommate, however, came back early in the morning and screamed at the top of her lungs when she saw Mark naked next to me. We forgot to put on a blanket. She gave him five minutes to get dressed. He had enough time to put on his shoes, but insisted on doing the typical "walk of shame" back to his dorm room.



Submitted August 30, 2015 at 12:57PM by sofiecake http://ift.tt/1fOzBAK gonewildstories