I'm honestly baffled. We've been together for six happy years, and got engaged on New Year's Eve. I'm extremely excited to be his wife, but I'm genuinely dreading being his mother's daughter-in-law. This woman. Ugh. I'm pretty friendly and easy to get along with, but I just can't get along with her, because we're complete opposites. I'm very casual, she wants schedules down to the minute. I'm atheist (and never discuss it), she's Catholic (and WILL NOT let you forget it). I'm independent, she loves to baby us. I'm laid back, she's...neurotic. I once witnessed her having a full scale meltdown over the ALS ice bucket challenge, during which she screamed "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE FIREFIGHTERS! THEY SHOULDN'T BE SPONSORING THIS! AND IF THEY ARE, THEY'RE FUCKING RETARDED! STUPID PEOPLE!" She's over-bearing and over-involved, but well intentioned, which almost makes it worse.
In short, I find her incredibly stressful to be around and I can't relax around her.
I've been worrying about being effectively tied to her for the rest of my life, and it kind of came to a head yesterday. I cried to my fiancé about how much I was dreading being her DIL, and I didn't like spending time with her or having her over our house because I feel like I can't just relax around her. I told him I'd be more than happy to visit her at her own house (after all, she can't take over hostessing duties or clean my kitchen or paw through my medicine cabinets or fret about my cats in her own house), but I hate having her over. He reassured me and said it was okay, he finds her stressful too, and we really don't have to spend that much time with her. After our long talk, I felt better.
Then I saw the Facebook group for our Superbowl party, and she commented "count us in, guys!" This basically ruins the party for me. I don't really like football, so I was looking forward to just getting drunk, eating wings and pizza, and hanging out with my friends. I can't really do that with my freaking mother-in-law there! She came to a party we had for the Mayweather v. Pacquio (sp?) fight, and I ended up just sitting at the kitchen table with her and the other "adult" adults my fiancé invited, talking about cooking and cats. NOT what I wanted to be doing. I didn't have much fun at all at that party because I had to spend the entire night entertaining my mother-in-law, and I was really confused as to why he invited them to begin with, because he didn't talk to them at all.
I told my fiancé that it was going to just be another repeat of that event, but he said that I didn't have to entertain his mom; that was my choice. But isn't it rude to invite someone over and kind of just expect them to entertain themselves? Yeah, I could just say hello and then sit on the couch with my fiancé and not talk to her, but I'm going to feel guilty and uncomfortable the whole time. Is she having fun? Is she keeping track of how much I'm drinking? Is she judging my hostessing abilities? How badly does she want to clean my kitchen and dig around in my refrigerator right now?
He said he'd call his mom and tell her never mind, it's a friend's only event, but I told him forget it--we can't rescind an invitation that's already been given. I don't like his mom, but I'm not a rude person. I'm just baffled as to why the fuck he invited her after I literally JUST CRIED about how uncomfortable I am spending time with her! He says it's because he really wanted his dad to be there, and couldn't invite his dad without his mom, which I understand, but like...COME ON.
Am I being selfish? How do I deal with this?
tl;dr: My fiancé knows I hate spending time with his mother, and am uncomfortable around her, but he invited her to our Superbowl party anyway. I feel like I'm not going to be able to have fun at the party now, and don't know what to do, because uninviting her isn't an option. I don't even want to be at the party anymore.
Submitted January 11, 2016 at 09:40PM by toomuchMIL http://ift.tt/1TPDaFB relationships
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