For years I had unknowingly suckled at the teat of the most wicked and heinous one known to us all as Broki. For years I languished in a sea of self pity and calorie filled yet nutrient free snacks and drinks. One day I woke up and realised I was on the wrong path.
I began to follow the Iron path a mere 2 months ago. My lifts are small yet my form is somewhat solid. I seek to make my mind as swole as possible in my time of change and so as well as praying in the Iron Temple I also read the Swoly texts that tell of the ways in which our bodies work and what we need to eat and do to become truly blessed by Brodin.
In these last two months I have progressed quickly through beginner routines (some machine work for base strength and then ICF to ensure my prayers were good). I now worship Brodin In a day of pushing things. A day devoted to legs. Finally a day devoted to pulling things. On the fourth day I rest. Today was the Swoliest day of them all. Today brothers and sisters was Leg day.
On this day I entered my meagre Temple. This temple is devoted "equally" to Brodin and Broki so one must be careful to pray to the right deity. More cardio equipment than I wish to mention resides within its walls. I calmly stride past these abominations. I calmly pass the weight machines which shall not be used until it is time for mine isolation excercises. When I come to the small corner devoted to Brodins might I find two brothers engaged in prayer to the Swolefather. One of the brothers was curling majestically while the other was bench pressing within the abomination know as the Smith machine. With no squat or power rack within this meagre temple the abomination is all that can be used in order to bench and squat. I considered informing my brothers of how they need not use the machine itself but use the "safety" handles as a rack with which they can make use of the temples olympic bar. In the past such advice has been ignored or laughed off as "unsafe" and "stupid" so I spoke not and simply asked Brodin to enlighten them one day. I asked how many prayers they had left in which they would need the abomination and was informed they had many prayers left to perform. I then decided to do isolation first as working in would be impossible.
I offered up 67 leg extensione of 100lbs in weight to Brodin. Though my quads may be weak with good form I praised him. I then offered up 80 leg curls at 100lbs in weight. Again my form was good and the fire in my hamstrings spoke to me of Brodins pleasure at my offering. Finally I offered up 80 calf raises at 60kg in weight. At this time the two brothers left and the abomination became free.
With joy in my heart I began to set up the bar to pray to the Swolefather. I knew I needed not a lot of warm up sets as I had been praying vigorously already. I thusly began to do one minor warmup set to gauge the quality of my prayer as I was not fresh to the temple as is usually the case when performing one of the Swoly trinity of Brodins prayers. With the weight of 40kg upon me I squatted a set of 10 in His name. I knew from this that I could not perform many prayers at my usual weight of 80kg and so I simply added 10kg for a total weight of 50kg (The weight I had previously used the day prior when performing the first of the Swoly Trinity the bench press) which I then began to squat in many sets until in total I had performed 50 of these prayers. Again I returned to the bar and began to pray. I reached 8 repetitions of the prayer and became aware that my strength was leaving me and so I would not be able to continue to pray properly and may lose all semblance of form. Squatting without good form is not a fitting prayer to Brodin and so I ended at that eight repetition.
As I stood looking in the mirror upset with myself that I could not finish another set of 10 for Him I saw my quads twitch beneath the fat that Brokis damnation had cursed me with. I knew that this was a sign of Brodins pleasure. I knew that while the weight was not great my form was true and my squats were deep and thus I had been blessed by Brodin. In his name I offered him 10 stiff legged deadlifts at a weight of 50kg as a thank you before leaving the temple.
Walking home I felt a warmth within my muscles and the strength began to return slowly to them. The feeling of Brodins love spread through me and as I returned to my humble abode and took my after workout protein bar from the refrigerator I knew that come the morrow I would redouble my efforts to show my devotion to Him as I engage in the final of the Swoly trinity, the deadlift. My protein bar tasted far better than before.
Submitted September 27, 2014 at 09:27PM by MrEmeralddragon http://ift.tt/1pjCCYo swoleacceptance
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