Friday, December 22, 2017

Adventures of a Crippled Idiot Vol. 146 OkCupid

Aight y'all, sorry for the wall of text but I haven't talked to anybody about this shit yet out of embarassment and I feel like I need to vent. Normally the threads I post about my adventures in dating are funny and/or goofy, this one isnt. Sorry.


Back in October I had a plan to move to Ohio in December (it didn't work out that way and I had to delay my move till the spring but that's beside the point) and I decided to change my OkC location to see what the dating pool would be like. It looked fuckin' grim so I resigned myself to be single for a couple years or until I somehow manage to trick an internet babe into thinking I'm not human garbage again.

The next day I got a message from this stupid hot girl. Covered in tattoos, metal in her face, short hair, so incredibly my type that it's not even funny. We get to talking and exchange numbers. After a couple of days of talking and flirting I'm like "this is way too good to be true". So we have a Skype date. She's real. I'm baffled that someone that's THIS my type is into me. Shit we even have the same favorite band and I don't even mention that band in my profile so there's no way she could know this. The only red flag I had before we skyped was that she doesn't have a facebook, but the skype date was real af, she wasn't some dude posing as a total babe and she wasn't asking me for money or anything weird like that.

So we wind up texting fucking constantly after my suspicions had been satiated via our skype dates. Every day. For hours. As time goes on I'm realizing more and more how crazy my type she is. A month goes by. At this point there are terms of endearment being thrown around, we're making plans for when I get there, we have flirty little inside jokes, the works. It's cute as hell and I'm smitten. We send each other cute selfies and occasionally talk about ravaging each other's bodies like wild animals.

The beginning of December rolls around. At this point I am all in. Completely. I buy her a Christmas present. Nothing big, just a few refrigerator magnets shaped like pies that I found on Etsy because she's a baker and I thought it was cute.

Suddenly she starts getting distant. My flight is only a couple weeks away so I'm a bit weirded out, but I know her job has been fuckin crazy as hell and super stressful. She tells me she had to go to the department of labor because it turns out her boss has been changing the time sheets or whatever to fuck her out of overtime. This sounds stressful af so I let the sudden distance slide. It makes sense to me to be distant when shit is this nuts.

A week later the texts are infrequent af and I'm convinced something is weird. So I decide the best thing to do is straight up ask her if we're okay. I say something along the lines of "Hey, you've been super distant lately. I know you're stressed with work and money stuff, but I'm worried that you're not into this anymore. Are we still good?"

Response doesn't come until much later in the day, as has been the norm lately. It's short but satisfies me. She says she's just super stressed and is looking forward to when I get there and that we're still good. I'm like "ok that's what I thought, sorry if I'm being paranoid" and go back to texting her random thoughts and jokes a couple of times a day.

Day before my flight I ask her if she still wants to come pick me up from where I'm staying the day after my flight gets to Ohio. She says something about how her place has stairs, but we've already had this conversation. I remind her that I used to live in a basement and had to drag my fat ass up and down a flight of stairs multiple times a day. This exchange immediately sends up a huge red flag that wasn't there before. I mean we've already had this conversation. Once now, once when we made the plan for her to come pick me up, and once around when we first started talking. This combined with the sudden distance and slow text responses had me immediately like "This isn't gonna happen." I'm still going to fuckin Ohio though to spend Christmas with my mom and her rad as fuck boyfriend though, so I'm like "well maybe I'm just being paranoid" and try to forget about it.

Next day after my flight gets to Oakland I text her during my layover. Make some dumb joke about how I'm having a whiskey at 9am but it's okay because I'm at the airport and there are business dudes in suits at the bar drinking like fish. She tells me "I had the worst day yesterday" I'm like "oh? What happened?" And she says "I broke my ankle."

My first thought is "well that's a fuckin lie." but I decide to play along just in case I'm being paranoid. We text back and forth a bit, the whole time I'm thinking "I'm being played here" and eventually she just stops responding. Whatever. I'm pissed. So I drink a bit more and then get on my flight and sleep on the plane.

It's late when I get to Cincinnati but I text her and ask if we're still on for tomorrow. She says just "I can't drive." At this point I know for sure that I'm being fucked around so I play along just to see what happens because I'm a petty little prick. She goes on to say something about checking herself into the hospital because she's so depressed and fucked up blah blah blah it's all horseshit and I know it but I play along anyway mostly because I want to see where the bullshit train takes me. She stops responding after that.

I'm a petty fuck so for the next couple days I start checking her OkC to see if she logs in (thank you based okc gods for removing visitors) and the next day she logs in. I screenshot this in case she suddenly texts me out of the blue to tell me she checked herself in to the psych ward or some shit so I can be an asshole and rub her lies in her face. I keep checking for the next couple days and take more screenshots. Eventually I'm like "ok this is too obsessive and petty even for my dumb ass" and give up. She's a ghost now, but she still checking her okcupid.

I got played. I didn't even get played for money or anything. If that happened I'd at least be like "ok you got me, I know why you did this" but this shit is fuckin ridiculous. I got played for no reason whatsoever.

I mean I saw it coming for weeks so I shouldn't be hurt, but damn son that shit stings like a motherfucker anyway. I was so excited and I haven't been excited to date someone since I fucking met my BIG EX on this stupid subreddit years and years ago. 2 whole months of flirting and talking and sharing and nudes and cutesy bullshit and it was lit on fire for reasons I can't explain or comprehend.

I'm all fucked up dogg. Anybody want to drive to Dayton to pick my ass up and take me to a bar?



Submitted December 22, 2017 at 09:17PM by a_spoooky_skeleton http://ift.tt/2C0vDVd OkCupid

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