After years of reading all the books I could get on this subject I've come to the conclusion that my mom is a narcissist, my dad is a codependent enabler with her but very controlling with me. He uses both the carrot and stick approach with me and I used to be a clueless daddy's girl aka puppet for years. They both have horrible rages where they verbally abuse each other till all the neighbours in the apartment complex can hear it - they're pretty notorious- and physically attack each other even with knives till they've bled.
But they stick together, there are so many secrets that never get out of this family and I am in the habit of keeping them now, even though not sure why. There is no routine, no regular food, no real hygiene - the refrigerator is a mouldy horror house inside - and I was never taught grooming. And so I have bad habits and now bad health.
My father controlled the family that I married into (I'm from a third world country) and my mom never wanted to see me happily married - unless I achieved something shiny she could boast of, she was neglectful all my life and she has never exhibited intimacy with anyone, not sure she is capable of it. She also seems to believe God thinks she is a special snowflake and listens to her all the time, its weird.
Anyway as a bride I was a mess - scared of confrontation, afraid of getting enmeshed but still highly codependent - but it all ended when my husband stopped working and expected me to support him for years. I put up with it and would have continued to if I felt it was just a phase and that he cared about me but it all went to hell when I was having a risky pregnancy and was bedridden for months. My husbands family was not very well off and we had to depend on mine and it was hell at home. Eventually we divorced.
Things were fine initially after that, I was working and staying with my parents now who provided childcare. But I started noticing that my mom was brainwashing my 3/4 yr old kid convincing her I was neglectful (I was working 60hr weeks, including nightshifts!), mean and just a bad mother in general. My kid started hating me. The more I climbed in my career the more my mom started being jealous. The more I spent , she demanded money for her family who are in debts, or else the verbal abuse at home was loud and constant. To have some peace, I did give her money and lots of it for years. But then my health failed a bit and I had to quit, now I'm home for a few years and its a nightmare. My dad now has dementia and his controlling tendencies have gotten worse and my mom belittles me all the effing time. I've cut off my friends visiting bcos my dad blabbers all sorts of crazy stuff in front of others which is very embarassing. He is seeing a psychiatrist but refuses to go to a home. He is out of control at times. I am staying bcos I don't want to keep moving my kid , I want her to have emotional stability and my parents are somewhat good to her. I protect her from them. But I don't want to work leaving my kid in their care, my mom will start her poisoning her against me again for sure. I know I need to get away from this messed up situation. They say the first step is the hardest, please suggest things that will help.
Submitted June 27, 2016 at 07:11PM by Anitawrites http://ift.tt/28ZblPh raisedbynarcissists
No comments:
Post a Comment