Things have actually gotten even weirder around the Sutcliffe Catering office since this happened http://ift.tt/19oqGCX but, on the bright side, my review with Chafee, or the "guy-wearing-Schuyler Chafee's-face-as-a-mask-who-insists-we-call-him-Chafee" (easier just to say "Chafee" from now on) went really well. He told me I was an asset to the company and that he was going to be listening to my advice as we sought to expand into new markets and then I saw him write "VALUEABUL SHUD KEEP" in big letters on the form and watched him fax it to corporate and even though all my previous evals have been on a scale of 1- 5, I'm absolutely willing to take "VALUEABUL" and call it a win.
New Chafee is still wearing old Chafee's face as a mask and it is starting to smell and also sag a lot and some of us find this really disconcerting. What is even more disconcerting, though, as Tyler pointed out, is how often we look at the new boss and actually see our old Schuyler Chafee. Not just at first glance, either. More and more often you can really concentrate on him and not notice the horrible, putrefying flesh mask or how squat and short he is and actually see Schuyler standing there. I think this is how it is for Schuyler's old contacts too because he has goes out to meals and hits the craft cocktail joints with them pretty regularly and nobody seems to notice anything is amiss.
Tyler's review also went well: "It was pretty fuckin' sweet, dude. Chafee explained the company has been bought out by a foreign concern and they are doing some goddamn epic re-org shit and I'm going right to the top." Chafee apparently wrote "RIHGT HANDE MAN" on Tyler's form before faxing it back to wherever-the-fuck. Makes sense. Ty has executive style hair and reads both The Economist and Men's Health on the reg. He said Chafee even gave him a Rosetta Stone program of "Some f'ed up language--Mandango or something" they want him to learn so he can charm and schmooze with the real honchos who come down from the main office, wherever it is.
Liz said she saw Chafee pissing in all the corners in every room in our office the third day after he took over. She came in early that morning and found him calmly going about his business. Like me, Lizzie needs this job so she didn't ask, just took her place at her work station. Liz, by the way, has not been around for a few days--Chafee explained that since executive assistants are so invaluable ("She fill important position corporate wants important positions done good") she had been the first of us to be sent off-site for a rigorous training program. We chat on Facebook occasionally and she seems in good spirits.
Our offices are in a very old building in the middle a very old city, and we occupy the bottom floor. Our break room has always been a little dismal--I mean we're talking plaster from the Eisenhower administration chipping and peeling and falling into the donuts, we're talking exposed and water-damaged brick, we're talking a big fucking mess--and one of the first things new ownership did was start renovating it. Turns out there is an old timey elevator that has been obscured for years behind the refrigerator (which I'm sure had been there since Reagan was in the White House). A goddamn elevator. So bizarre. It's totally non-functional of course, the door won't even open, but they're thinking of leaving it exposed and maybe decorating it. As uncouth and downright scary as Chafee is, I have to admit in some ways I like how corporate has been operating lately.
I think Chafee is trying to develop a sense of humor. There is a basket in the break room with a sign that reads, "I GOT DREEM RAY YOU WANT INTENTS DREEM TEN DOLLARS IN BASKET." Last night before I left for the weekend I chuckled and put a ten spot in an envelope and wrote my name on it because I need this job and it doesn't hurt to play along a little when your awkward, temperamental, and let's be honest incredibly violent boss is feeling playful.
Right before I left on Friday I got an email from Chafee that read, "I FROGOT TO ASK DO YOU WANT GOOD DREEM BAD DREEM?" Without a second thought I replied "Good, plz, boss! ;) " Then I powered down and Tyler and I headed out to grab a cocktail before I went home to crash and Tyler got down to serious drinking with his bros.
Sorry this update wasn't more exciting. To be candid after new Chafee's first day I thought we were living in some kind of horror story, but things seem to be settling down nicely.
Submitted March 29, 2015 at 01:34PM by SutcliffeCatering http://ift.tt/19eEvE8 nosleep
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