Been a hermit for the past 9 months schizophrenia

I have basically isolated myself for the past 9 months because of extreme anxiety. I do not trust people. I dropped out of university during my senior year because I thought this professor hated me, and I thought they were going to yell at me. Of course there were other reasons, but that was the impetus for me leaving school. My behavior is becoming increasingly bizarre. I can't speak to people anymore without freaking them out. I was helping my parents by mowing the lawn, and I saw this strange truck going down the road toward my parents house, and I thought they were going to shoot me.

A few days earlier, I thought someone had planted Mountain Dew in my refrigerator to poison me. It did not occur to me until after I drank it, and then I for some reason thought someone had added cocaine to it, as a way to poison me.

It was a very silly thought, but I did not realize it was a crazy idea until about 30 minutes after I drank the Mountain Dew.

I have never experienced any hallucinations, but I am realizing my behavior is becoming increasingly bizarre, and the people around me are pointing out my delusions.

I am concerned that I am developing schizophrenia, but I am afraid to go to the doc because I do not want my rights taken away.

Submitted August 09, 2017 at 01:42PM by ALGW47 http://ift.tt/2uoN7mZ schizophrenia

Slowly losing my sanity schizophrenia

I apologize in advance as this post will almost certainly turn into a lengthy rant. Please bear with me.

I'll start by saying I am convinced that I am suffering from drug induced schizophrenia after ingesting some marijuana edibles for the first time. Here's a little background info/history on me. I am 31 & have basically zero experience with drugs in general besides smoking weed a few times in high school & even then my tolerance level was extremely low. I would take one or 2 hits & have to call it quits. I never liked the way weed affected me. It made me very anxious & paranoid. Once when I was 15 I visually hallucinated while high on marijuana & it scared the crap out of me so bad I never touched the stuff again.... Until recently.

My nightmare began 47 days ago, on Mother's Day. I was in the kitchen with my sister & her boyfriend around 10am when they offered me some marijuana edibles. I tried to decline & must've said no at least 3 times but my sister was insistent & essentially guilted me so eventually I succumbed to peer pressure. She poured me 2 shots of this lemon lime soda drink & after I declared it tasted like shit she handed me this cookie & I ate the entire thing. Each edible I consumed, as far as I was told, was a 10mg serving, so in total I had 30mg of THC. I now know that the recommended dosage for a beginner is 5mg. I have no idea why my sister, a regular marijuana user for many years, would recklessly give me such a large amount. About 15 minutes after ingestion I started the descent into hell.

The high hit me like a truck & I pretty much instantaneously went into a severe panic attack. My first one ever. My sister was too preoccupied with her boyfriend so I sat in my room alone completely freaking out for hours. I still remember it very vividly but I'm reluctant to describe it in detail as it was extremely terrifying. I remember wanting to call 911 or call out for help but I couldn't speak & when I tried to get up to walk I was so disoriented I couldn't find my phone or the door. I remember the sound of my own voice desperately screaming out for help inside my own head. Eventually, after who knows how long, I somehow managed to crawl completely under my blanket like a cave, curl into a little ball, & will myself to sleep. I just kept telling myself everything was going to be OK, that I was going to be OK, & this would all pass. I told myself that all I had to do was go to sleep & it'd be over soon & when I woke up everything would be back to normal.NOTHING WAS EVER NORMAL AGAIN! Later that same night my sister woke me up around 6pm because we had tickets to see a movie. All I wanted to do was sleep but she guilted me yet again so I got up & went. At this point I still felt strange. I couldn't put my finger on it but I was very cognizant that something was different. The whole world seemed a little "off" I now believe this experience to have been some depersonalization, which I am still currently experiencing, but at the time I was able to ignore it because I figured I was just still stoned. The next day I get up around 8am & everything still looks & feels strange but again I dismiss it as me just having a high hangover. Fast forward to the next day, & the entire world still looked & felt funny. This is when I began to suspect something was wrong. Surely I couldn't still be feeling the effects of the weed 2 whole days later... Then my life started to unravel & the next 47 days were like an emotional & mental rollercoaster that I couldn't get off. I suddenly felt constant severe anxiety & panic, for 3 consecutive days I felt like no matter how much I breathed I wasn't getting enough oxygen & was slowly suffocating, I checked myself into the ER & found out I had diabetes. I had & still have no appetite. I stopped eating completely for 2 weeks.I manage to force myself to eat now some days. I have constant tinnitus, & tension headaches & muscle aches. I sometimes gag spontaneously outta nowhere for no reason. I'm sensitive to noise, even the sound of the refrigerator made me agitated, & smells. I had to go around the entire house & unplug all the air fresheners because they were too strong. I started crying excessively for no reason. I had overwhelming restlessness & agitation. I would get snappy & hostile. I can't sleep!!! For the past 47 days I have not slept more than 4 hours a night & during those 4 hours I wake up repeatedly. No matter what time I go to bed I can't sleep past 3am ever. I pace & fidget & other purposeless movements. Eventually I stopped being able to cry or feel much of anything.I felt distant & disconnected from everyone I loved. My face seemed to look flat & lack emotion. I lost interest in anything & everything I ever enjoyed doing. I had to send my son away to his dad's for the summer cuz I couldn't take care of him in this state. I can barely take care of myself. I don't shower or clean or do laundry. I have experienced some paranoia. When I talk to my son on the phone it always sounds like he's unhappy to talk with me & I feel like his father is monitoring our conversations & I start worrying his dad is trying to turn him against me. I felt intense guilt over things i hadnt even thought about in years...There are numerous other signs/symptoms I am experiencing but this has probably already turned into semi incoherent rambling.

So shortly after all this began I knew I needed to seek help from a mental health professional. Currently I have already met with a therapist twice & once with a psychologist to undergo an evaluation. They have diagnosed me with BPD, Anxiety, & PTSD. You'd think an official diagnosis from a professional would ease my fears but it doesn't make sense to me. I've known I had BPD & anxiety since I was a teenager. It has never been this severely debilitating. I have never experienced anything like this ever.

After doing some research I read some things theorizing that marijuana usage can trigger the onset of schizophrenia in individuals with a predisposition for the tillness. This makes perfect sense to me. I am genetically susceptible because my aunt is schizophrenic & mental illnese s runs rampid in my gene pool. Apparently there are also some environmental factors that increase the risk such as stress, life changes, & traumatic events like the death of a loved one. Again, this all made sense. My life has changed drastically in a little over a year. In June of last year my grandfather passed away & it effected me profoundly. After his death a lot of family drama ensued & it became too much to handle so in August of that same year I decided to move from California to Washington State to live with my sister. It took everything I had to pack up my life & move away from everything & everyone I knew. Leaving my mom was the hardest. I'm a momma's girl & have what most would describe as an unhealthy attachment to me mother. Going from seeing her everyday to talking to her for 5 minutes once a month made me feel depressed. Here in WA I didn't know anybody except my sister & she was always gone. I would go weeks without seeing her so I've spent the majority of the past 11 months basically in isolation. When I would see my sister we would get into bad fights that drove me deeper into depression. I don't know why I didn't just move back to CA. I think I felt like there was no going back, I was just stuck. Anyway.....

In conclusion I guess I feel like my grandfather's death, my move & the subsequent isolation, the separation from my mother, the stress from my living situation & the extra push from the marijuana was too much for me too handle & my brain just snapped. I feel like I know what's happening to me & everyone easily dismissing it is beyond frustrating & since schizophrenia is rarely diagnosed in the prodromal stage since there's no hallucinations I feel so hopeless. All I can do is wait helplessly while my mind slowly unravels until inevitably full blown psychosis sets in....

I don't know the purpose of this post. Just venting I suppose. Looking for possible silver linings on dark clouds looming over a seemingly bleak future.

Submitted July 02, 2017 at 09:47AM by melimel307 http://ift.tt/2tz3ikk schizophrenia

I this a sign of Schizophrenia? schizophrenia

This is my first posting anything like this and this happened to me no more than 20 minutes ago. I really do not want to believe that this is supernatural and there is some kind of logical explanation for this .

Nothing this strange has ever happened to me in my life. This might really sound stupid but here goes. I walked to my local grocery which is a few blocks away. I purchase 2 things 6 pack of Pepsi and a sharing size bag of peanut M&M's. Every thing seems completely normal. I come home put the pop in the refrigerator let my dogs outside and sit at my computer desk. I rip the corner of the bag of M&M's at eat a few. Surf the web a little bit and reach down for more and the bag of M&M's completely 100% factory sealed. There is 0 chance that any M&M's are coming out of this bag unless it is ripped opened.

I know I ate some, there is still the taste of M&M's in mouth and I can still feel little pieces of the candy as well. I even remember the slight sensation of pain when I eat chocolate because I have sensitive gums.

I looked all around for maybe a second bag that I didn't realize I bought or accidentally didn't pay for. I haven't purchased M&M's in months. I also checked my receipt it confirms I only bought one bag. I don't keep candy in house there is no possible way I could have confused with other candy that was "just lying around".

This is really fucking with me. I need some kind of logical explanation. If this really didn't happen then it seem that I hallucinated the whole thing. There is 0 evidence around me that I ate any M&M's but its seems 100% real down to the after taste it leaves in your mouth. Would this be any way related to schizophrenia?

Submitted April 22, 2016 at 08:45AM by BisonWeapon http://ift.tt/2466qO1 schizophrenia

I think I might have Schizophrenia schizophrenia

I have always had this lingering sense of paranoia that someone was always in my house watching me sleep or standing outside my door at night waiting. I hate walking past people when there aren't many people around because I feel like they are going to attack me. I dont look out windows at night because I feel like something is watching me from the shadows. I always feel like people are talking about me and frequently hear them say my name even though they are talking about something completely unrelated. I frequently hear someone opening my back door, looking through the refrigerator, or watching tv only to find out that no one is there. I can hardly leave my room at night because I feel like someone is on the other side of the door just waiting and listening. This has all gotten a lot worse in the past weeks and it feels like I'm going crazy. I get angry for no reason at all and don't want to have anything to do with school. My mom has been trying to schedule an appointment with a psychologist for a week or two now but it's taking too long and I feel like I'm going to have some sort of mental break. I don't know what to do anymore because I can't get to sleep at night and when I do I wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to bed. I know feeling like someone is watching me and waiting outside my door is extremely irrational but I can't shake the feeling. I check that my door is locked about 4 times before I go to bed and if I have my back turned to something I constantly check behind me. If anyone can help me figure this out or give me some kind of advice to deal with this I would greatly appreciate it.

Submitted September 09, 2015 at 10:08AM by therealdealforl http://ift.tt/1Ma6Mxe schizophrenia

Help Me Help My Mother-In-Law schizophrenia

Hi there,

I'm writing today because things have been really rough with my husband's mother, and I'd like some outside opinion on what could really be wrong with her and what I can do to help this woman.

A bit of background information: she is 65, diagnosed manic bipolar about 10 years ago, and had her thyroid completely removed about 5 years ago because she had thyroid cancer. She's supposed to be taking a synthetic thyroid medication daily but we're not completely convinced that she does. Her husband just passed away in August which would understandably be a traumatic situation for anyone.

My husband insists she is just 'manic bipolar', but this woman is almost perpetually in a manic state, has spent her entire retirement fund on silly trinkets from the dollar store and has forgotten how to use things she used to use daily, like a cell phone or a computer. Back her in heyday she was a highly functional woman who ran her own business and made almost $100,000 a year just by herself. I have to believe that at one point she must have been a very functional, powerful woman.

Right now she just paces around her kitchen everyday (she never sits) and scribbles illegible words on scraps of paper, shoving them into envelopes or taping them onto the wall. She took a permanent marker to the refrigerator one day and wrote a giant letter "G", saying that she "Saw a G floating, and it compelled her to create it". She's eating like a child would-- Oreo's, Marshmallow Peeps, and nachos... Her stomach is completely distended on her small frame and the doctor said it's because she's subjected herself to malnutrition.

She can't be still for more than a second. She moves repetitively back and forth, tapping her foot on her opposite ankle. She doesn't remember anything you told her to do (we always remind her to use the filtered fridge water instead of the well water from the tap, but she never remembers). She walks out of the house in her bare feet in the snow.

I just want to hear the opinions of some of you-- my own mother has worked in the mental health industry for over a decade (my mother-in-law did to some extent, as well) and she feels maybe this woman is dealing with schizoaffective disorder, as it seems too extreme to be just bipolar disorder. Since her husband passed away she keeps thinking she hears footsteps throughout the house (she lives with her son, so is never truly alone) and she's so frantic all of the time.

I'm trying to convince my husband that his mother needs professional help, and that if we get her on the right medicine regime that there is STILL HOPE FOR HER! I think he feels some sort of guilt that is stopping him from really getting his mom the help she needs, and I can only intervene so much.

Thank you guys.

Submitted November 20, 2014 at 02:46AM by oohhelloo http://ift.tt/1zDQbsb schizophrenia