Looking for marital advice, To describe the present situation, I need to provide some context. I was married 15 years ago. My wife suffered from an auto-immune disease right before we got married and she had multiple surgeries after including having her colon removed. She was on a very high dosages and when she lost her temper, I was on the receiving end of her verbal tirades which still continues. This brings me to today. We have 3 kids between 3 -11 through in-vitro. We aren’t hurting for money and family needs are met. She is a great mother to the kids, sometimes she seems to have a bad temper though. She is organized, diligent, and does a boatload of work with their activities. She is a stay-at-home Mom. I work about 45 hours a week, I typically make the kids breakfast, horse around with the kids, and put them to bed. I love hanging out with my kids and you won’t find me on the golf course or getting wasted. My differences with my wife have become worse. I had the worst Christmas I’ve ever had and I don’t know if I can handle another one with her behavior. My wife woke up in a bad mood and continued to have a bad attitude throughout the day. We take turns with our families and we hosted my siblings family and my parents. My sibling brought over all of the sides and desserts and I did the cooking on the grill. My wife had very little to do and spent several hours doing a 500 piece puzzle along with a couple of my extended family members. My extended family did the dishes and I put away the food and garbage. When we went to bed, she complained about my family as she typically does and the only reason she could come up with for her ‘sour grapes’ behavior was that I wore a new sweatshirt in a picture (with my family) and that I should have worn something nicer. I would have worn something different had she asked, and I told her that next time she should just pick something out and ask me to wear it and that would be the end of the story. Yelling at me after the event, doesn’t make sense. It was another unnecessary fight in my opinion. To be quite frank, I don’t understand a lot of her chronic complaints. She doesn’t fight fair. She brought the ‘divorce’ word into our vocabulary 10 years ago. When reasoning doesn’t prevail, she repeats the same thing over and/or or goes for the jugular. When our oldest was born, we went to counselling and she would tell me that I am ‘just like my Dad’ to disparage my Father. The counselor told her that we are 2 different people, and that her comments weren’t helpful. My Father is a good man, she says it just to hurt me and this has continued for 10 years after instructions from a Counselor. She did not agree with that Counselor and we never saw a counselor again. I came from a religious upbringing and she was the only one I have had sex with. Based on my sexual experiences, or lack thereof, I don’t think I will instruct my kids with the same religious expectations. The disease certainly impacted her drive when she was sick. We have had sex about 12 times a year over the last 10 years and when we do have sex, a ¼ of the time she tells me how nice she is being. She has a younger sister that is gay. I don’t think my wife is gay, but it is an unlikely possibility. She doesn’t have a sex drive. For years, she told me that she didn’t have a drive due to breastfeeding which is understandable to some extent. This year, she had to go to a Physical Therapist to help her stretch out her vagina area because it was tight (we couldn’t physically have intercourse) and it mostly likely related to scar tissue from a colon surgery. The PTt indicated on the first appointment that couple undergoing this typically have marital problems for obvious reasons.. She won’t tell her mother some of these real problems or a divorced Aunt she is close with, by my Mother In Law continues to give me ill-informed advice As ridiculous as it sounds, my wife argues with me saying that her Aunt says that I have ‘traits like her ex-husband’. I didn’t know her Aunt when she was married and I suspect my wife made this up when she lost her temper. It doesn't make much sense, other than that she doesn’t fight fair.
Her biggest gripes with me are all housework related. For example, in the last hour, I was told that I needed to keep one of the refrigerator drawers organized the way she had it and that I dishes I put in the sink weren’t put in nicely. She is constantly giving .me cleaning instructions. I work to support the family, I pay the bills, I do all the outside work, I run a small business on the side (she is not involved), I do about 50% of the grocery shopping, I bring the kids to activities, I put the kids to bed, I make breakfast if the kids are up as early as me, I make dinner about once a week at least, and I get less sleep do to work demands. We aren’t hurting for money. We have a cleaning lady that comes twice a month. I have asked her to get paid help around the house, but she always has an excuse and gets snappy. It doesn’t make a lot of sense. Her second biggest gripe is that I like to get to the gym for an hour or two on the weekends. I’m behind a desk all week and I like to get some sort of exercise. She claims that she should be working out too, but I can’t get her to join a gym. I have suggested that she get a babysitter to workout, but it is the same story and the bottom line is a lack of interest. Without question, being a stay at home Mom has its challenges, but there is always a playdate or other Moms to meet up with during the day and something going on with the school Moms including the occasional Moms night out. My wife gets out more than I do socially. Am I missing something obvious? My wife is a nice person, just not always towards me. Sometimes weeks go by when she is in a chronically bad mood towards me. My wife is a caring Mom and her parenting could probably include less yelling but no one is perfect. My kids need me especially when they are so young.
We are blessed with healthy kids that we both love. It feels like she doesn’t appreciate life and gets caught up on little cleaning issues.. I think we have much to be thankful for but she doesn’t seem to grasp the big picture. Can anyone relate and provide advice? Thank-you.
Submitted January 12, 2018 at 08:33AM by flyguyseven http://ift.tt/2Dn5hLv Marriage
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