I'll try to not make this too long and word-vomity.
I do not have a good relationship with my dad. He's always been sort of a nightmare to deal with, and definitely has sociopath tendencies. He abused me when I was younger (which nobody in my family knows, and I'm not sure they'd believe me if I told them), and has been a hardcore alcoholic for longer than I've been alive. We went no-contact when I was 16 after he tried to berate me and humiliate me in front of my counselor, she took my side, and he stormed off.
He attempted suicide last January and when I returned from college, I spent most of my summer trying to keep him going. One of my brothers, Jared, and I attempted to convince him to go to rehab. He expressed interest in salvaging our relationship.
Finally, on Father's Day, we hadn't heard from my dad for over a week. I stopped by his house, and saw him collapsed on the ground. I broke in and had to do CPR on him, and he somehow made it. He had fallen while drunk and hit his head and was bleeding on the brain, and ended up being hospitalized for over a month for detox + rehab and to recuperate from his injuries.
When he got back, I had hoped things would be different. Turns out, as I should have known, his problems are far beyond alcohol. He continued to try and use and manipulate us, but we sort of took that as him having a hard time adjusting to being home.
My dad lost his house, so his next plan was to run away to his internet girlfriend on the other side of the country, and it was pure luck that we found out about his plan in the first place. (This sounds like a bad soap opera, I know...)
At Jared's encouragement, I ended up calling my dad's girlfriend to make sure she knew what his plan was (she didn't) and we had a long talk about him. I made sure to only tell her what could be proven as true, as I knew it would get back to me. I do still kind of feel like I overstepped, but my family is trying to assure me that was the right thing to do...he might be dangerous when he gets backed into a corner and she didn't know he was coming.
When my dad found out, he was furious. He tried to say that it was never his plan to leave, even though we have it in writing via text. Jared went to my dad's apartment for his birthday and my dad was screaming at him the whole time about how everyone is out to get him and wanting him to fail. My dad even had a list on his refrigerator of all my "demerits" as his daughter.
I'm still included in invites to his house on holidays and still receive group messages (usually uneventful things like "Have a good weekend", generally just trying to make things seem good and normal). But I'm really struggling with what I should do.
I am concerned that if he were to die, I'll regret not maintaining even just an amicable relationship. I know he won't change, but maybe I could just try and get along with him while he's still alive? I am kind of scared to be alone in the apartment with him, so I haven't gone over at all yet. I know his side of the family has a long legacy of cutting contact with family, so I don't want to be just as bad as him. My brother is still in his life for that reason, he knows my dad sort of just wants us to cut him off so he can have something to wallow in self-pity over.
What should I do?
tl;dr: My alcoholic, hateful dad says he wants a relationship with me but his actions of the past few months say otherwise. Not sure if I should tough it out until he kicks the bucket or if I should just give him the finger and live my life.
Submitted January 02, 2018 at 02:12AM by throwawaymydad1 http://ift.tt/2CqQ8dU relationships
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