This is my first time writing all of this out and posting to /r/relationships, so I apologize if the information does not flow.
My boyfriend, Alex, and I have been together for 3 years and lived together for 2 1/2 of them. He is of Mexican descent and most of his extended family lives there, while his immediate family (mom, dad, sister) live in Texas with second home in Mexico. Alex and I visited his family in Mexico over the holidays 2 years ago and in Texas about 1 year ago. During both trips I felt uncomfortable, but I figured it was because of cultural differences of because of my own awkwardness. Hoping a change would come we planned another trip, to Mexico, this summer.
During my time there I felt very uncomfortable. I did not feel welcomed by the family. They made me feel like I was stupid, that my own cultural/familiar antics were eccentric (such as storing food in the refrigerator). They were constantly arguing with one another and bickering about the smallest things so just from being near them I was constantly put on edge from the vibes they were exerting. Aside from these annoyances, which could have been dealt with, they are all strongly opinionated, bossy, and demanding. Alex, who has dealt with this his whole life, completely falls to their every beck and call. Sometimes their demands would have him out of the house for 12 hours a day, and me sitting on the couch doing literally nothing but awaiting his return, often. Let me clarify here that we were staying in a not so commercial area of Mexico City. Although there are not gangs running the street, it is still not safe for a white, blond-haired, blue eyed girl to get on a city bus and roam the city alone, or so I had been told repeatedly by his family members.
Alex is used to this behavior from his family and when I confronted him with my frustrations he recommended that I just tune them out. This is something that is and has been difficult for me. Every time I became upset I had no option but to internalize my feelings, which is not the way I normally deal with things. I literally could not express my feelings... There are some things I could discuss with Alex, but a bitch-fest about his family probably isn't the most appropriate thing.
We had planned to visit for 3 months, but with a month left of the stay I broke down. We were packing to visit another family member, but I could not stop crying, hyperventilating, panicing. I was literally preparing to go on a mini trip where I would have absolutely zero escape from his immediate family. I was preparing to put myself through hell. I knew I could not do this, so very abruptly we purchased a plane ticket to take me home the next day. Reflecting on the experience only upsets me. Alex and I see that it was not a good idea to have me visit for such a long time. We also see that there are issues with my relationship with his family that we thought could be resolved during this trip that were only worsened. We are getting older, ready for marriage, and eventually children. The idea of planning a wedding or raising a child with any influence from his family stresses me out.
We do not know how to move forward. We still love each other, but understand that if we stayed together dealing with his family would be very stressful for me. For the rest of forever. If we break up now we have the issue of having lived together. We have a lease on an apartment for the upcoming year and the majority of our stuff is shared. Our third option is to stay together for this year, but then break it off next year, when I graduate grad school. All options have pros and cons, although some are larger than others.
I need to hear opinions and stories from others, to help guide me through this super shitty situation.
tl;dr: My bad relationship with bf's family is forcing us to contemplate a breakup, although we are still in love with each other.
Submitted July 29, 2016 at 04:21AM by cargil http://ift.tt/2aurjPh relationships
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