An Average Day in Heaven Jokes

God realizes that Heaven is getting pretty crowded and needs a little time for it to settle down so he can add some additions. He tells St. Peter "Don't let anyone in unless their last day was really shitty"

Right after this happens, a man walks up and St. Peter asks him about his last day. The man says," I work hard, I'm a decent man, and I had been married for almost ten years. Out of nowhere I'd gotten this feeling that my wife might have been having an affair and I ignored it for a while. One day, I get clearance from my boss to leave a little bit early, and I head home to spend some time with my wife, I don't know maybe get a little lucky. I found her with her hair all messed up in our bed naked. I looked all over our apartment but still couldn't find this asshole. I look on the balcony and I see this naked guy hanging off. I stomp his feet off the balcony and he lands on a tree and LIVES. I'm still freaking livid and not thinking straight and I take my refrigerator and throw it at him. Unfortunately for me though, the cable wrapped around my ankle and took me down with it and I died on impact."

"Wow man, that is really shitty, you can come in", says St. Peter.

The next guy comes up and St. Peter asks the same question. The next man says, "I had my day off yesterday, and on my day off I really like doing yoga. I like doing it naked because I feel like I get the best flexibility out of it. Yesterday was such a nice day out and I figured It would be awesome to do Yoga on my balcony. My balcony was under construction, but I really wanted to take advantage of the weather and ended up falling off. Luckily for me, I managed to grab on a few floors down but this fucking maniac stomps on my fingers and I end up falling. By some incredible miracle, I landed in a tree and lived, but this guy throws his fridge on me and now I'm here"

"Oh my god, that's terrible. You can definitely go in" says St. Peter.

Then this next guy comes to the gate and St. Peter asks him the same question. This guys says, "Well, I was hiding in this guy's refrigerator..."

Submitted January 29, 2015 at 12:49AM by Blikatin http://ift.tt/1z3ILR9 Jokes