Showing posts with label tifu. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tifu. Show all posts

Saturday, January 13, 2018

TIFU By Boiling Soapy Water In A Tea Kettle tifu

As a preface this happened just yesterday. As I was cleaning at my friend's parents house, (summer job that turned permanent) there was a tea kettle on the stove that still had a tea packet and water in it for I don't know how long. So today while I was the only one in the house with the pets (two cats and one dog) I decided to clean it out. And this is where the FU happens. I filled it with 10 cups of hot water and soap and decided to set it on the stove to power boil, the stove was a flat top one. And I left it there to boil as I was cleaning the refrigerator off in the front, and a full minute and 30 seconds later without the tea kettle whistling I turned around just in time to see water shooting out of the spout and just as I was coming towards it to take it off of the eye the top of the tea kettle busted off and hot so soapy water spilled everywhere. I got it cleaned up in time before they came back, but at least the floor and cabinets got a good clean and none of the pets decided to walk in the kitchen at that time. Edit: TL;DR boiled water in a tea kettle and water overflowed everywhere



Submitted January 14, 2018 at 03:10AM by DraxenJinx http://ift.tt/2r2pS5d tifu

Thursday, December 28, 2017

TIFU by forgetting about last year's Christmas candy tifu

So this has been going on for about a week now. It started when I came home from a trip to my parents for early Christmas, and walked in to find the house smelling funny. I live in a 700 square foot condo, so when something smells bad, the whole place smells bad. Tracked it down to the kitchen, but it was permeating everything, so I just cleaned it all - counters, floors, and cleaned out the refrigerator. It smelled a bit better, went to bed, and the smell was back in force the next morning...

I decided it was the refrigerator, but couldn't tell where. I cleaned everything out, used vinegar on the shelves, and looked up other possible solutions. Decided it might be the drip pan, and tried to get to it, only to find out that my model of refrigerator does not have an easily accessible drip pan. Ok, fine, decided to mop underneath. Moved the refrigerator, mopped the floor underneath (which was kinda gross) and waited.

Smell came back. Ok, next step, per the internet. Take everything out, unplug, wipe down everything, and put coffee grounds in the fridge. To do so, I needed to buy two coolers and stick all our food on the back porch. After two trips to Walmart (I initially thought one cooler would be enough), I got to work. Got everything out, wiped everything down, and finally took out the bottom shelf.

When! Lo and behold! I found it. Wedged between the bottom drawer and the shelf. An old white chocolate Toblerone bar from last year. I had my doubts that this could be the culprit, but the thing is mostly milk fat, and it was a year old ... threw it out, let the fridge air out all day, then finally put everything back together again. Since last night, the smell has been gone! Crossing my fingers that it was indeed the toblerone bar, although that was a LOT of work just to find one chocolate bar ...

TL;DR: Cleaned my entire kitchen to find a terrible smell and found last year's forgotten candy hiding in the back of the fridge.



Submitted December 28, 2017 at 10:34PM by randomizedme43 http://ift.tt/2DqvZBy tifu

Monday, December 11, 2017

TIFU by exploding eggs tifu

I worked late yesterday. Upon arrival home I decided to cook something. After searching my barren refrigerator I decided on the only thing left. The choices are cornflakes and eggs. I put 8 eggs in a pan to boil. After a few minutes of watching bubbles come from a squeaky egg, I took the box of cornflakes and started munching in front of the tv. Three hours later I woke up to the smell of burnt eggs. I jumped up, and ran to the kitchen to inspect the damage. The pan was out of water and the eggs were really stinking, but luckly I had only put the burner on 5. No smoke, only the worst burn eggs smell ever. Thinking quickly, or not thinking, I grabbed the pan and turned on the cold water. As I thrust the pan under the cold water, BOOOOM. Scalding egg blasted me and my entire kitchen. I was not clothed. My left arm took the brunt of the explosion. And my bare chest. And my face.

tldr... i forgot my boiled eggs until all the water was gone. after a few hours i ran water over them and they exploded in a chain reaction burning me with little blisters from my waist to my face and covering every surface in my kitchen with scalding egg bits.



Submitted December 12, 2017 at 06:34AM by borgheses http://ift.tt/2C4EzpS tifu

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

TIFU by taking the wrong keys. tifu

So this happened yesterday and I can feel the guilt and shame running through every vein in my body. I do not need advice and I really know that I should've acted differently, but that ship has sailed.

I live together with my newly met roommate, in an appartment on the 2nd floor. On this floor there are 11 people. We do an internship abroad, and have known each other for 2 weeks now. Everyone has their own set of keys, as we can all lock our own bedroom door. Also, we have this mutual room where we hang out alot. It includes a small kitchen. There are a couple of chairs, 2 desks and 3 times the same couch. There is not much else in this room, which is for the story I guess.

So there I was, sitting in a chair and doing some nerdy homework shit on my laptop. Headphones in, almost done and pretty hungry. I decided that I was done working for today, and started packing up my stuff to bring back to my room. I took my laptop, my headphones, 2 books and put (AT LEAST I THOUGHT) my keys in my pocket. So I go back to the common room and start making a delicious fucking good sandwich. And when I was preparing this sandwich, I was not paying attention to anything that happened around me.

I started eating my delicious sandwich when I noticed that at least 5 persons were searching for something.

"What are you looking for guys?" I ask my fellow students.

"I lost my keys, maybe you stumbled across them?" asks the girl who lost her keys. Her name in this story will be Jane

"Why would I have your keys, Jane? haha!" I answered. A timer started ticking from this moment forward.

5 minutes on the timer. I finish my sandwich. I bring back the cheese, bread, tomatoes and lettuce for the sandwich to my room. I then see my keys on my bed, and I can feel another set of keys in my pocket.

I fucking freeze. My first thought: If I admit my fault and took them "by accident" they might think I stole them. They will think of me as a thief.

Instead of just saying: "Oh sorry I took yours, Jane, I am truly sorry!" I went to my peers. At this point every student was helping her locate her set of keys.

15 minutes on the timer, we were all looking for the keys that were still in my fucking pocket.

You know how your primitive instinct is to either fight, flee or just completely freeze? I just froze. I did not know what to do. And the longer I wait with admitting my fault the fucking more crap came my way. My thoughts were: "FuckfuckfuckwhatdoIdofuckfuckfuck"

20 minutes in I still did not confess my mistake. So they call the owner, me still being completely frozen not sure what the hell my next move will be. And so after 30 minutes the landlord, 2 security guards, the wife of a security guard (how nice of her to help out even though she was not working) and 11 students were looking for ways to help Jane find her keys back.

Meanwhile I'm sweating like a clown, no idea what to do. Do I put them somewhere so anyone else finds them? That would be my move but everywhere I wanted to hide them someone said: "Oh nevermind dude I've searched there already." Every spot imaginable was already checked, because there were almost NO places, due to said lack of furniture.

Do I put it in her room? I started to operate again, was no longer frozen. I thought that placing the keys in her own refrigerator was a pretty good place! But then I thought that I had to place them there first, and someone else finding the keys in the fridge would be the weirdest find in the history of keylosing. Also she would probably develop a schizoprenia disorder due to her other personality putting her keys in her fridge.

And before I could make any move the landlord starts a discussion and "how he needs to keep the place secure". They discuss it and she admits IT IS HER FAULT (meanwhile the Niagara Falls is NOTHING in comparison with my armpits) She is willing to pay for 3 new locks, and another set of keys for everyone else.

Meanwhile we are 45 minutes in if I fucking admit that the keys are burning in my pocket while everyone has been looking is so fucking weird and suspicious. How stupid and weird is that, what a SHIT practical joke right?

We also had plans to go out together for dinner. We had a reservation at a mexican restaurant, which I offered to cancel. It's the least I can do for being such an imbecile right?

So today and now, we simply are beyond the point that I can admit I had the keys, and so Jane is going to pay for 3 new locks and a new set of keys for everyone on our floor. Technician guy will show up in 3 hours. She has to actually pay for something I did, and I still do not know what to do. I'm taking these keys with me into my grave.

TL;DR: I accidentally took Jane her set of keys, causing her to pay for a new lock, new keys for everyone. I also had to cancel a reservation just because I did not want to look like an idiot in front of the group.



Submitted November 08, 2017 at 10:44PM by Do_not_gift_me_gold http://ift.tt/2zsJXSI tifu

Monday, November 6, 2017

TIFU By Leaving a Gallon of Milk in My Car Trunk. tifu

This happened this morning, or at least the consequences of it did.

I use a grocery service from a large chain. You order what you need online and then you go and pick it up. They load your groceries. It is nice and saves time.

Two weeks ago I made an order and used my car instead of the minivan. I helped load my groceries and drove home. When I got home I unloaded the groceries and then checked the car while my children put them away in the pantry and refrigerator. I was pretty sure everything was out of the trunk. I even checked the extra wad of bags I keep in the trunk for emergencies and recycling. You never know when you need to put wet clothes or something in a bag. All clear.

This morning I got the kids up to take them to school. They hopped in the car first and immediately start complaining about how bad the car smells. I give them the dad answer of how it is probably their upper lip.

I get in the car. It smells a bit bad and I assume the youngest has left a milk sippy cup somewhere under a seat. I drive my older children to school as they moan and put the front of their shirts over their noses.

After I drop the kids off at school I go back to my house, and start searching for the cup. I can't find it. I look high and low and as I get to the back it smells worse.

I open the trunk.

Wow! The smell is horrendous. It smells like a cow and fish had sexual relations in my car, died in the throws of ecstasy, and have ripened together in the sun.

I finally find the culprit -- a gallon of milk that is hidden behind the jumper cables and car emergency kit. It must have rolled back behind there. We drink a lot of milk every week, like four to five gallons, so it wouldn't have been immediately obvious that one was missing. I pull out the homemade cheese experiment and as I am moving it to the outside trashcan it explodes. The whey immediately leaks out of the grocery bag, onto my legs and feet. Curds fly everywhere.

I spent the rest of the morning febreezing my car, cleaning out the curds, and washing my pants and shoes.

TLDR; Accidentally left gallon of milk in car trunk for two weeks. Foul cheese experiment explodes in car and all over me.



Submitted November 07, 2017 at 12:15AM by willdoc http://ift.tt/2hfum4i tifu

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

TIFU by trying to clean the refrigerator of my rented house but accidentally ruined the fridge tifu

So here’s the story, I live in a rented double-storey house with 9 other people who are all male and have little to zero sense of cleanliness. So today i thought it would be nice to clean the fridge because its rarely been used (We eat out all the time and dont really cook) and it has accumulated a nearly iceberg sized block of ice nearly engulfing the whole freezer compartment. So as i picked up the ice pick (which I stupidly ignore the sign on the fridge saying dont use metal equipment on it) and started to chip away on the ice, my hand slipped and the ice pick punctured the cooling coil of the freezing compartment letting out its coolant i guess? I tried to stop it but the gas was too cold for me to do anything to it. Now the fridge has stopped working and i have been blamed for the damages on the fridge and the home owner has demanded compensation for the broken fridge. So much for trying to be the good guy.

tl;dr : Tried to clean the the fridge at my rented place, ended up puncturing the fridge and broke it. Now have to fork out own money to pay for it



Submitted October 25, 2017 at 09:59PM by aidilznl http://ift.tt/2lhLxDC tifu

Friday, October 13, 2017

TIFU by pulling a gun on my English teacher tifu

Obligatory this didn't happen today. It happened in 1994 when I was in 10th grade.

I was a military dependent and was living on a US Army base in Germany at the time. For those who don't know, the Department of Defense often sets up American schools on these bases so the children of military personnel don't have to attend a local school in the language of the host nation; I was attending such a school.

A DoD school wasn't like your typical American high school, except for the big 4(math, science, english, and history), many of your classes were online(via Novell Netware and Lotus for those curious) and as long as you turned in your assignments on time, no one really cared when you went into the computer lab. Due to the lax scheduling in our classes, we were allowed to leave campus for lunch.

During lunchtime on the day in question, myself and my friend whom we will call Al, decided to go to his house and pilfer his parents' refrigerator for food. While there I saw what looked like a Glock 19 sitting on his coffee table. Now I only knew what this was because it was used by the main character O-Dog in the film Menace II Society which had just come out on home video and like all white teenagers at the time, we were infatuated with these gangsta movies.

I asked about the gun and Al laughed and showed me that it was just a lighter. I thought it was the coolest thing ever and suggested we bring it to school and show off to all our friends. He was apprehensive but eventually caved after several minutes of me pointing out how "funny" it would be to walk around school actin' like thugs.

Fast forward to when we arrive back at school. Most students are in class so the halls are empty, but still, Al and I are doing our best thug impressions, walking with our gangsta limps with our pants lowered and wearing the hardest faces we could muster. Ah yeah, whoever we run into next is gonna get it!

Well, the first person we encountered in the hallway was our English teacher. At this particular moment, I had the gun and was already resolved to pulling it out on whoever we saw next, so without thinking I draw the pistol and point it at her, holding it sideways just like O-Dog and shout "YO CHECK YO'SELF!" I then pulled the trigger and the little flame came out of the end. LOL?...

I knew I had fucked up when I saw the look of pure terror on her face, followed by the nervous laughter, followed by the look of pure anger. She told us to get to class, so we did, then not 10 minutes later we hear over the intercom "OP and Al please report to the main office." ....Fuck

We head to the office and as soon as we are within line of sight of it, we each had two Military Police tackle and handcuff us, place us under arrest and drag us into the office. They then dumped all the contents from our backpacks, found and confiscated the gun, then called our parents. We were most definitely suspended, possibly expelled. It seemed like hours before our parents arrived and then even more hours while they all talked and decided on our punishment. We were both suspended for a week and given community service and were pretty much on lockdown by the school and our parents for the rest of the year. All in all, we got off pretty lucky. Had this happened in the post Columbine and post 9/11 world we probably would have been at worst, shot or at best, given years and years of jail time.

Kids, stay away from the gangsta life. A mere hour into it and I was arrested.

TL;DR Brought a fake gun to school, threatened teacher with it, got arrested.



Submitted October 13, 2017 at 10:22PM by tifuthrowaway9000 http://ift.tt/2z6dOyL tifu

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

TIFU by giving myself a concussion while sleeping...and then ignoring the symptoms. tifu

The actual concussing occurred three days ago. I only confirmed the concussion today.

So, I am a terrible sleeper. It takes me forever to fall asleep and then forever to wake up. While asleep, I apparently flail, roll, and kick the entire night. My sister has refused to share a bed with me since I was at least eight years old, opting for a couch or the floor whenever we went on vacation rather then risk bruises from my unconscious assault.

The problem has apparently gotten worse as I have gotten older. I have torn sheets off beds, flung pillow across the room, and caused pillowcases to go completely missing. I have woken up horizontal or so tangled up in blankets that I had to roll off the bed in order to free myself. One time, I woke up with my head where my feet normally are, with the comforter bunched under my head as a pillow, and a pillow balanced on my bum to act as a blanket.

Given all this, it should be no surprise to y'all that I have injured myself while sleeping in the past. Now, until this week those injuries have just included random cuts, a few bruises, and a pulled shoulder or three. On Sunday night, I decided to up the ante.

Now, this occurred while I was asleep- so I am not entirely sure what happened exactly, but this is what I could piece together:

Sunday night I had a terrible headache. I had already woken up two or three times because of it. Sometime around 5 or 6 am, my snoozing self decided to pull the blanket over my head- possibly to block out the light that was streaming through the window. Now, as I sleep like the Tasmanian Devil, at some point during the night I must have pulled my phone off my night stand and onto the bed, where it then proceeded to get tangled up in my blanket. At least, this seems like the reason why I was woken up by the sharp pain of a phone landing quite hard on my forehead. The only benefit of the bruising pain was that it caused my original headache to flee for a minute or two.

So there I was, clutching my forehead, staring at my phone, and trying to figure out what the fuck had happened. The pain began to spread, and my headache came back with a roaring force. I stumbled to the bathroom- took an Advil-and promptly went back to sleep. ((Note: if you ever have a head injury of any sort, this is a seriously dumb thing to do.))

I ended up sleeping until 4 PM, and besides for a red bump that was tender to the touch, I didn't seem any worse for the wear. I figured because I didn't have any symptoms of a concussion at the moment, and because the injury occurred to the front of my head, I was good to go. If nothing else, I knew what a concussion felt like...as I had given myself a concussion before by smacking my head inside of a refrigerator.

Given all this, I concluded that I was in the clear, and thus I promptly decided to ignore any and all symptoms I felt over the next few days because, you know, I didn't feel them right away.

In my defense, concussions can mess with your mental processes.

The next morning I was so dizzy I couldn't sit up, let alone stand or walk. I had to call out from work, and when the dizziness faded, the headaches started again- and they were much worse then the night before. I was texting my friend about it later that day, with typos so bad that they pointed out that I should get checked for a concussion- and I promptly waved it off. After all, the double vision that was causing me to to type so poorly was probably just headache related.

The next day, yesterday, I had a doctor's appointment for a physical, and while I was still a bit dizzy- I was mostly just so exhausted that it felt like I was dragging myself through pudding. I proceeded to not mention the head injury to my doctor during the exam. I then forgot my fitbit on the exam table and almost left my bag in the office.

Today, I went to the chiropractor. I told him about the dizziness and exhaustion and then only mentioned the head injury as the spot where the phone had hit was still tender to the touch, and I wanted to warn him before he grabbed my head all willy-nilly to crack my spine. He of course paused, put two-and-two together, and pulled out a flashlight to check my eyes. Apparently, yup, I had given myself a concussion, and ignoring those symptoms was probabbbbly a bad way to go. I now get to track everything that goes wonky with me over the next few days and make sure things don't get worse. I should also probably warn my boss that the work I've done over the last two days should be looked over by a non-concussed individual, especially as most of that work consisted of grading papers. Whoops.

And yes, my friend did give me a massive told-you-so after I told him. He deserved that one.

Also, if there are any spelling, grammar or formatting errors-please go easy on me. I have a concussion after-all.

TL;DR: I sleep like a tornado and hit my head while asleep. I didn't have symptoms of a concussion right away, so figured I was in the clear. I then got symptoms and ignored them. I am an idiot.



Submitted October 12, 2017 at 05:24AM by dredreidel http://ift.tt/2xzISef tifu

Saturday, October 7, 2017

TIFU by messing up the date of my GRE not once, but TWICE tifu

Last month I thought I had my GRE and was awake at 3 AM (also kept my boyfriend awake) eating salami and basically crying in front of the refrigerator bc I was nervous for my GRE. I then proceeded to throw up all the salami I ate (and also the sushi my boyfriend got me because I was stressed for said GRE). Woke up that morning and through some sleep deprived search thought my GRE was today. However, this is not the case. I'm taking my GRE on October 28th (paper delivered version) NOT computer delivered as I had originally thought. I'm currently being laughed at by my boyfriend so I figured I'd share this so you can have a laugh too. I'm going to go bury myself. This makes no sense to me because I usually plan everything on my google calendar but apparently I just can't function when it comes to this exam but I'm still happy I keep thinking it's earlier rather than later I guess. TL;DR Freaked out twice bc I messed up the dates of my GRE but it's not for another 3 weeks. Happy studying to those of u taking it as well :)



Submitted October 07, 2017 at 11:02AM by throwawayaf1729 http://ift.tt/2yO1TFV tifu

TIFU by messing up the date of my GRE not once, but TWICE tifu

Last month I thought I had my GRE and was awake at 3 AM (also kept my boyfriend awake) eating salami and basically crying in front of the refrigerator bc I was nervous for my GRE. I then proceeded to throw up all the salami I ate (and also the sushi my boyfriend got me because I was stressed for said GRE). Woke up that morning and through some sleep deprived search thought my GRE was today. However, this is not the case. I'm taking my GRE on October 28th (paper delivered version) NOT computer delivered as I had originally thought. I'm currently being laughed at by my boyfriend so I figured I'd share this so you can have a laugh too. I'm going to go bury myself. This makes no sense to me because I usually plan everything on my google calendar but apparently I just can't function when it comes to this exam but I'm still happy I keep thinking it's earlier rather than later I guess. TL;DR Freaked out twice bc I messed up the dates of my GRE but it's not for another 3 weeks. Happy studying to those of u taking it as well :)



Submitted October 07, 2017 at 11:02AM by throwawayaf1729 http://ift.tt/2yO1TFV tifu

Monday, September 25, 2017

TIFU by sticking my tongue in the freezer tifu

So this did not happen today, but back when I was about 6. It was the summer holidays and I was at my uncle's house. One day my cousin jokes about someone having their tongue stuck in the freezer, not having listened to another word he said in that joke I instantly thought of doing it myself. Remember, I was only 6. Then a couple days go by and in the afternoon when everyone is taking a nap, except for my other cousin, I head to the refrigerator. The freezers back then needed manual defrosting and it always had some ice stuck around. I opened the freezer and without thinking twice touched it with my tongue. Now, the other cousin was watching this wide eyed, with horror on his face but I couldn't see much because I couldn't move my face. I began to cry and everyone woke up. Most of them were laughing. They weren't sure what to do so I ended up pulling myself away from the freezer and bled a little. I'm 23 now and I still have a scar on my tongue that doesn't let me forget.

TL;DR heard cousin joking about sticking tongue in the freezer and did it myself. Still have a scar and a super embarrassing memory.



Submitted September 25, 2017 at 01:19PM by barrettspuppet http://ift.tt/2wMw7g5 tifu

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

TIFU by stabbing the freezer with a knife tifu

So it was a slow day at work in the restaurant, all the prep was done and we were nearing close. With some extra time on my hands I decided to clean and reorganize the walk in freezer. We've had a long problem with condensation on the radiator and forming ice which had to be dealt with. The normal defrost program wasn't gonna cut it anymore so I went and got one of the dull kitchen knives that we barely use and started stabbing the big block of ice with relative success. Nothing could possibly go wrong as long as I hit in between the radiator sheets right? Well my stupid ass forgot about the cooling elements in between those sheets and punctured a hole in one of them it and now its leaking refrigerator gas all over the kitchen and it doesn't smell good at all. I fucked up, huge.

A waitress immediately call the boss and we let him know of the situation, I take responsibility and me and the dishie try to close up as soon as we can. We try to vent as much as possible for any fresh air as this gas is denser and will push any air away. I feel dizzy as we move all the important items from the big freezer and cram them into the smaller freezer in hope of salvaging any items to the the coming work nights as I'm 99% sure the radiator block has to get replaced with a new one. We shut off the freezer, close for the night early and part ways as this is nothing that can't be dealt with until tomorrow morning anyway. I just hope that a new radiator isn't too much of a dent in the budget and this can be solved quickly. In hindsight I shouldn't have tried stabbing it, grabbing a heavier meat cleaver and whacked at it instead.

TL;DR: Don't defrost the radiator in the walk in freezer by stabbing it. You might hit something important.



Submitted September 13, 2017 at 04:46AM by MisterFleur http://ift.tt/2f3Cbsz tifu

Sunday, September 10, 2017

TIFU by biting an egg right after microwaving it for awhile tifu

This actually happened years ago

It was a clear afternoon and I am craving something small, at this time I was about 11 years old so I get an egg from the refrigerator, I don't know why it was there but in was wrapped in a napkin and I wanted to eat it, so I took it. It was cold and there was no way im eating a cold egg, so what do I do? I put it in the microwave, worst mistake. I take it out the microwave and I just sat down on the couch and turned the TV on watching Cartoon Network. I take it out the napkin and then quickly proceed to bite into it, the egg explodes as I bite it with my teeth. I scream and tears run down my face as I wasn't expected so much pain let alone any pain at all, my lips felt like someone threw a firework directly at them and all I could do was scream at the moment. My mom comes downstairs and asks what happened and im in too much pain to talk and my lip can barely move after what had just happened. My lip was in unbearable pain or atleast that's how it seemed and my mom figured out what happened and got me an ice pack and after trying to keep it in she goes in the other room and starts laughing after awhile of making sure I wasn't in terrible condition after what happened. As an 11 year old I am totally confused on what happened and started to think my mom put something in the egg to prank me or something but after a few seconds of laughing she explains to me what happened from the other room. The pain lasted for atleast a week.

TL;DR: I put a hard-boiled egg in the microwave and it exploded in my mouth.



Submitted September 11, 2017 at 08:27AM by Flameslickmelv http://ift.tt/2eYqXWg tifu

Wednesday, September 6, 2017

TIFU By creating an ice rink tifu

So, as every other FU, this didn’t happen today, but a couple weeks ago. I started working at McDonald’s at the end of July, so I can save up for a car. The manager, let’s call him Zach, realized we were low on bottled water so he told me to get some from the refrigerator. I thought,” Hey, this is the easiest thing I’ll do all day, peace of cake”. Wrong.

I walked over to the back and I saw a saw a sign on the fridge; LEAVE DOOR OPEN WHEN USING. So, I opened the door and used an iced tea container to hold the door. What a genius I was, huh? Now this is where the fuck up came. 

I walk over and grab the package. God, it was cold and heavy. So, I pick it up as fast as I can and try to move the iced tea container. I guess I kicked the container a little too hard, because it spilled. And spilled. And spilled. As the coward I am, I ran(tiptoed) out of there as quick as possible, poured myself a drink and got on my break. An hour later, I hear Zach scream as he fell on his butt from all the iced tea. I faked stomach pains, called off sick, and ran the hell out of there. Still doesn’t know who it was.

TL;DR: Spilled Iced Tea and made my boss fall on his ass.



Submitted September 07, 2017 at 02:14AM by Papa_Abdi http://ift.tt/2gNauoF tifu

TIFU By creating an ice rink tifu

So, as every other FU, this didn’t happen today, but a couple weeks ago. I started working at McDonald’s at the end of July, so I can save up for a car. The manager, let’s call him Zach, realized we were low on bottled water so he told me to get some from the refrigerator. I thought,” Hey, this is the easiest thing I’ll do all day, peace of cake”. Wrong.

I walked over to the back and I saw a saw a sign on the fridge; LEAVE DOOR OPEN WHEN USING. So, I opened the door and used an iced tea container to hold the door. What a genius I was, huh? Now this is where the fuck up came. 

I walk over and grab the package. God, it was cold and heavy. So, I pick it up as fast as I can and try to move the iced tea container. I guess I kicked the container a little too hard, because it spilled. And spilled. And spilled. As the coward I am, I ran(tiptoed) out of there as quick as possible, poured myself a drink and got on my break. An hour later, I hear Zach scream as he fell on his butt from all the iced tea. I faked stomach pains, called off sick, and ran the hell out of there. Still doesn’t know who it was.

TL;DR: Spilled Iced Tea and made my boss fall on his ass.



Submitted September 07, 2017 at 02:14AM by Papa_Abdi http://ift.tt/2gNauoF tifu

TIFU: I shot my revolver through my living room wall, into the kitchen and shot my refrigerator dead. tifu

I just finished installing Starcraft II after not playing for a few months. After a few Co-Op commander games, I tried the Mutation game; Then I proceeded to lose several games in a row. Playing James Raynor, I finally won a game. and to celebrate i got out what I thought was an empty revolver and fired it forward. After the gun shot, I quickly removed the shell and locked my gun away and then I went outside to confront my neighbors who are now standing outside staring at my house. Thinking fast I bring out my pressure cooker and say "Wow, I just dropped my pressure cooker..." And they quickly believe my lie. After that, i quickly traveled to Lowe's home improvement store and purchased things to fix the holes. When I returned home there were 3 police vehicles parked near my house, I thought it was all over. But it was just my neighbors again having a domestic dispute. I used white tape and covered the bullet holes in the fridge and threw away the frozen grapes the bullet had ended up. Bought new grapes, However... this morning when my wife told me the refrigerator wasn't working, I said i'd have a friend from work look at it. She went to work and I just bought a new fridge from lowe's. I rented a truck and brought it home, assembled it, and now waiting to plug it in. This is the absolute worse thing I have ever done in my entire life. I am horribly ashamed and I will take this secret to my grave.

TL;DR I shot my refrigerator and now I spent my entire day off covering it up.



Submitted September 06, 2017 at 08:17PM by HitManSWAGGA http://ift.tt/2eLo4Z4 tifu

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

TIFU by placing our cat in the microwave tifu

As obvious as the eclipse that just occurred, this happened a few years ago when I was still a kid.

I came home feeling all tired and bored after a long day at school, yearning for a cup of milk and just an hours worth of rest. The first thing I see when I enter the living room is our cat, sleeping on the couch; I start petting it thinking, what have you been up to lazy bones?

I don't know why, but I decided to carry it to the kitchen with me to get my cup of milk. The first thing you'd notice as you enter is the microwave placed beside the refrigerator. As soon as I see the microwave, I started thinking, what would happen if I placed the cat in there and warm it?

The young mad scientist inside me came from the other end of the spectrum, thinking, "Why not?"

Y'all can guess what happened next. I placed the cat inside it and turned the microwave on. Pressed MICRO, 5, no 6, 7, 8.... 10 seconds. Then eagerly mushed the START button.

The first 4 seconds were nothing out of the ordinary. Cat turns around inside, with a look that said, what the hell is this contraption you've locked me in? On the 6th second though, she started screaming and squealing, and I, being the kind hearted soul I thought I was, quickly let her out before something bad happened.

A week went by and I didn't tell anyone about what I'd done – nothing diverse had happened to the cat, right? – but things started unfolding then. Our cat started losing fur, acted sickly, and one month later, passed away.

To this day, I'm still afraid of owning a pet. And I still feel bad for what my past self did, stupid past self.

TL;DR: I placed our cat in the microwave and warmed it for about ten seconds; cat loses fur over time and dies one month later.



Submitted August 23, 2017 at 01:36PM by darkvibes http://ift.tt/2xrsfN9 tifu

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

TIFU while boxing my refrigerator tifu

Yep. Exactly how it sounds. I thought it'd be a good idea to have a drink and then practice my boxing. I don't have a bag so I somehow hatched a clever idea to use one of the things I love most in life; my refrigerator.

(sigh)

After I got warmed up, I shot a fairly powerful jab right across the front of the door. The electricity flickered, I thought it was just the demons again, and proceeded to throw less powerful jabs at the machine for fear of breaking something. After a little while longer I decided to take a break and sit down. Usually I can hear my refrigerator humming (especially in the summertime) to keep cool.

I did not, however, hear said noise.

I stood up and decided to grab a left over bottled water that my roommate had from one of his trips the other night. Upon opening the door, there was no light. It was darker than my Uncle Dave's politically incorrect sense of humor. There was no noise, either. It was more quiet than the aftermath of the most terrible pun you've ever heard. Then there were crickets chirping, and a baby crying in the distance. My fate was sealed: my roommate was gonna be pissed.

I sobered up right before my girlfriend came over. I made her a sandwich while telling her everything and that's when he got home.

"Hey why is the light out in the fridge?"

"...The light is out?"

My girlfriend and I exchanged glances before she covered her mouth to keep from laughing.

I eventually told him what happened after my girlfriend left for a work meeting, and he about died laughing. We still had some food that needed to be eaten before it got too warm. I now feel like Joey from the episode of friends when his fridge died so he ate everything inside.

TL;DR don't box your refrigerator ESPECIALLY while drinking.



Submitted August 15, 2017 at 11:25AM by quesadidas http://ift.tt/2w5Hqik tifu

Saturday, August 5, 2017

TIFU by tearing my anterior cruciate ligament (ACL) on the toilet tifu

Technically this happened yesterday but I was at the hospital and on Vicodin. Today is the first day of semi-lucidity.

Background:

In high school gym class ~20 years ago I was utterly demolished playing football by someone much larger than me. My comparatively undersized body was launched like a substandard North Korean nuke and quickly fell back to Earth. The majority of my weight crashed down on my right knee busting it up like a high school keg party.

My kneecap fractured, my ACL audibly tore and the whole area swelled to about 3x it's normal size. Somewhere between the intermittent blackouts and episodes of infantile mewling, I was hoisted into a wheelchair and transported to a local hospital. There I was informed of my injuries, and then, like a little girl offering me a flower for 1 gil, the doctor gave me a choice. It was a choice with broad reaching implications that would not reveal themselves until it was too late.

Doctor: If you ever want to play sports again, then you should get surgery to repair your knee.

Me (in my head): I just bought Mortal Kombat 3 at Kmart and can spend the next 2 weeks at home playing that instead of going to school

Me (out load): I'm never gonna be a pro athlete. Give me the crutches.

Fast forward to yesterday

I had just walked in the door from work, on next to no rest after seeing Tommy Trash live, and was excited for the three 3 S's: Shit, shower and sleep.

I threw my keys on a counter in the kitchen (a move I would later regret), stripped off my suit, put on sweats & a well worn t-shirt, then walked into the Room of My Fate. As I turned my back to the porcelain throne, I bent my knee ever so slightly to sit, and an audible tear, then a blood curling scream, filled my apartment. I collapsed from the sudden lost of support like a felled tree and smashed my skull on the floor of my bathroom. Outside the door, my dogs frantically howled and tried to dig their way in to help me to no avail. Like any modern man, I had brought my phone with me in the bathroom (with the full intent of a playing a round of Legends of Skyrim), instead I called the hospital across the street from me. I politely asked if they could send over a wheelchair.

Hospital: No. That's against HIPAA regulations. You'll either need to call an ambulance or get someone to help you.

Me (through stifled whines): That feels unnecessary since I live across the street. Someone that really needs an ambulance may be deprived. I'm literally one block away.

Hospital: Sorry. Don't know what to tell you.

After another 20 minutes on the unforgiving bathroom tile, all of which was spent regretting that fateful day I prioritized learning Subzero's 7 hit combo over my health, I finally drummed up the willpower to drag myself out of the bathroom and down the hall to the counter where I left my keys. While performing my best Lieutenant Dan impression, I used the stove handle and refrigerator door to get to my foot and threw my torso over the kitchen island. With my keys now in reach, I called for an Uber and hopped down the hall to exit my apt, grabbing a single business shoe along the way.

Within a few hours I finally had taken something for the pain. Now I'm in a leg restraint on my couch and I just finally got to play that damn round of Legends of Skyrim.

TL;DR: I screwed up my knee in high school gym class. I Opted not to get surgery because I had a new video game at home. 20 years later that same knee blew out as I went to sit on the toilet



Submitted August 06, 2017 at 03:06AM by JMDeutsch http://ift.tt/2vt0XIP tifu

Sunday, July 30, 2017

TIFU when my burrito almost caused my house to burn down. tifu

It was around 11 am when I had woken up from sleeping. I did my usual routine of getting up and walked to the refrigerator in the kitchen. I grabbed a frozen burrito from the freezer and I put it in the microwave. It normally takes 2 minutes for the burrito to be cooked evenly. However, I was still half asleep and I set the time for 20 minutes. I went to the adjacent room and sat on my couch. I would close my eyes for what I thought was a minute, but it turns out I fell asleep for 15. Soon the fire alarm went off and I jumped out of the couch and hurried to the kitchen. I popped open the microwave to reveal my burrito. It was like a fat chunk of coal and the plate it was on went from a clean pearl color, to a singed wheat brown. I tried to take it out but it was just too hot to grab with my bare hands. So I had to makeshift a pair of oven mitts from some hand towels that were on my table. The kitchen wreaked of burnt burrito and smoke. I don't think I'll be making any burritos any time soon.

TL;DR: Tried to cook burrito half asleep. Nearly burned down the house



Submitted July 31, 2017 at 08:10AM by EfrenDaFish http://ift.tt/2vkvb1g tifu