TIFU by having some spicy solo time tifu

TIFU. Still reaping the effects of this fuck up. So I'm a mom of two, with a husband who works late. Tonight I put my children to bed and mom snacking began. My late evening meal consisted of a chicken nugget salad, cheese, onions, jalapeños, ranch, and salt. My favorite food. After my ultra satisfying meal I began to work on some college work until I felt my eyes begin to droop. I look at the clock: 12:41am. I haw a full 19 minutes until the Hubbs is released from his job and calls me on the walk home.

I can do a lot in 19 minutes. Soooo I pull up my internet browser. Remove my yoga pants, make an undisclosed Bing search and begin to relieve the stress from my day. About 7 minutes and 4 videos in, I begin to feel a warm sensation in my lady bits and know immediately what was happening. Enjoying the slight warmth and not willing to give up this budding orgasm, I continue. Finally at 12:57 I finish my business, replace my panties, and head to the kitchen for some grape juice. By the time I reach my refrigerator, my vagina feels like the mouth of someone who just completed a spicy wing challenge.

I reach for some baby wipes with tears in my eyes and indulge in some very unflattering kitchen cleansing. Like a lady, I always follow the front to back rule, thus spreading the fire to my unsuspecting B hole.

Now I'm on my knees. Hands shaking, panties around my knees, knowing he could find me any minute and I'll have to disclose my naughty activities and endure the laughter. What the fuck do I do?

I crawl to the fridge and grab the milk... My uber gross last resort has arrived. Taking to my toilet I proceed to pour the remainder of my whole milk between my thighs in hopes to relieve this burning that makes me want to die. The cold liquid on my swollen clit is the best thing I have felt in days (not including my fire orgasm from 10 mins before).

Now I'm laying on my living room floor, still sore and slightly warm from the jalapeños that I neglected to wash of of my hands. Just got a text saying "I'll be home late." Thank god.

Tl;dr: ate jalapeños, masturbated, used milk to relieve the vagina pain, avoided being caught.

Submitted June 09, 2016 at 10:52AM by Siren_clouds2 http://ift.tt/1tbGTFP tifu