How did you stop feeling crazy around food? How did you get to this point? loseit

I've been reading posts on this sub for quite a while and decided to post, because I have been feeling increasingly crazy around food. I have been struggling with overeating since college. After I graduated, I spent a year living alone and was able to get my eating more or less under control. I remember just deciding one day that I was tired of feeling lethargic, and I stopped buying junk food and started working out. I felt in control of my health for the first time in my life, and I remember feeling like it was an easy lifestyle change. The thought of myself just deciding this seems absolutely insane to me now. I don't know how I was ever the kind of person who could manage eating reasonably. About a year ago, I began working for an outdoor school and fell off the wagon. I moved into a house with several people and found our communal refrigerator packed with junk, and I also have constant access to the lunchroom (I can eat cookies, gummy bears, chips, etc. any time I want). There were nights when I would skim a bit off the top of every junk food item in our kitchen, gather leftover snacks from student lunches, and have massive binge sessions in bed. The fact that my job keeps me active doesn't quite balance out my eating habits, and I've been steadily gaining weight all year. Last month, I moved into a house with one other person. He's a raw vegan, and I still don't buy junk food. There is nothing in the house I'm tempted to binge on. I have spent weeks feeling more crazy than ever. I have spent waaaay too much time searching the kitchen for anything packed with sodium and/or sugar. I've tried keeping dark chocolate around in hopes that I would be satisfied with one or two squares per day, but I inevitably eat the entire bar. I know now that I can't handle having any amount of tempting food in the house. I have been daydreaming about brownies and cheese puffs. Food has been on my mind constantly. Yesterday, instead of passing out cookies to my students at lunch, I ate the entire box on the bus home. It was blissful. And then I felt terrible. Not only did I binge, but I binged on children's lunch items... There's nothing I can do to completely eliminate junk food from my environment. Every job I've had in this field has put me in charge of handling large quantities of mostly crappy food. I'm worried that I am not strong enough to resist eating whatever junk food I have access to, even if it means making totally unethical decisions and essentially stealing food from my employer and depriving my kiddos of dessert/snacks. I am so ashamed, and the amount of time I spend thinking about food is driving me mad. Do any of you feel absolutely insane around food? Does this feeling ever go away? At what point does food stop monopolizing your brain space?

Submitted January 03, 2015 at 11:21AM by noyaaaa http://ift.tt/1I6WtmB loseit