Mom, I love you, and I respect you. It is because of this love and respect I have for you that I need to tell you the truth. You will dislike everything I have to say, you will get upset at me and everyone else, but you need to hear it.
1) You need to see a psychiatrist, and you need to be in therapy. Your depression has completely taken over your life and who you are. When I talk to you, I don't feel like I'm speaking to my mother. I feel like you are someone just wearing the skin of my mother. But you aren't always like this. Every so often the real you peaks out, and it gives me hope. It's how I still love you.
2) You are incredibly selfish. You said you wanted to move because you don't like the neighborhood anymore, and you threw multiple hissy fits over this until Dad cimplied. And what do you do now that he is working on setting everything up to put the house on the market? You decide you don't want to move anymore. Why? Because Dad wants to keep the refrigerator in the house, while you wanted to bring it to the new house. So you have decided you no longer want to move, after you told all of us kids and got us excited. You only did this because you wanted to spite Dad. There is no other reason. You wouldn't even make an attempt to have a rational discussion over it. The worst part is that this isn't the only example of you being selfish to a ridiculous degree just to spite Dad, it's just the most recent one.
3) It is completely disgusting how you talk about [little sister]. She hears it, too, even if you think she doesn't. She is a young teenager and she is having an incredibly rough time. You are making her life worse. You call her a bitch multiple times a day, you complain constantly about every interaction you have with her. You berate her constantly for the exact same things you do to her. You have turned her into a boogeyman, every problem you have lately you blame on her. She doesn't feel like she is even a part of this family. She doesn't feel like you are her mother. She genuinely wishes she could die, just to get away from this horrible situation you have made for her.
4) You completely robbed me of my childhood. From as early as I can remember anything, you used me as your one and only emotional outlet. You caused me such an incredible amount of stress as a child, and you still do. You are the reason I attempted suicide when I was 12. You are the reason I wish I had succeeded.
5) The reason you and Dad don't get along is because you pushed him away, not the other way around. He wants to be close to you, but you refuse to be. It is heartbreaking for him.
I so wish that you could read this and actually think about what your actions have caused. I so wish that you wouldn't just get upset when you read this, and instead think. I wish you would talk and engage in dialogue instead of just shouting at people.
I love you, Mom. I really do. Despite all of the pain you have caused me, I love you. I want you to be better. I want you to be happy.
Submitted September 17, 2017 at 12:09AM by JoannaNotSoNewsom http://ift.tt/2jybRZ7 UnsentLetters
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