We have been seeing eachother for 6 months. we both live alone but stay at each others apartments most nights. he's pretty lazy with his housework - he only washes dishes or clothes when there are none left, doesn't clean his place much and often has mould in his refrigerator from out of date food.i don't think it's my place to come along and tell him how to live his life, but i don't mind helping out round his place so i will often help with laundry, cleaning, and will always offer to do the cooking. When he's round my place, he's my guest and i will always insist that he doesn't cook or clean up, which i don't mind.
To begin with he was very grateful for me helping but as time's gone on he's got less grateful and now seems to expect it. I cook more often than he does at his place, and the other night he said he would cook but then after he had he tried to make me feel guilty saying 'it just would have been nice if you had done it.' He does this often, saying 'it would have been nice if you'd done X' after doing something.
Truthfully i don't mind doing these things because in my head, housework or chores isn't something worth falling out over and if I leave it to him the sink is full of mouldy dishwater, we don't have any underwear clean and we're chilling in an apartment that's dirty, dusty and hasn't been hoovered. But i'm starting to think this mindset isn't helpful for us because Im now becoming the one that does all the chores, being made to feel guilty when i haven't done things, and feeling pretty unappreciated.
I go round his place now and he's constantly asking 'do you mind hanging up the laundry/doing the dishes/ getting me a drink' and whenever he does these things he does them begrudgingly, will try and suggest that I should be doing it, and will use it against me afterwards. We both work full time, although he works 9-5 and I work shifts, and sometimes at home he will complain that he's been at work all day and i've had a day off so it should be me that does X that night, and I feel like i'm being taken advantage of.
Im hesitant to confront him about it because each time i've spoken with him about an issue he's taken it as criticism, defends himself swearing he 'hasn't done anything wrong', gets rude to me and then cries that i'm making him out to be the bad guy. It just feels more hassle than it's worth because i'm being punished for saying how I feel, so i'm speaking openly less, which I know isn't healthy for us.
So how do I let him know how i feel in a way that he can't possibly interpret as an attack?
He's very insecure, gets really anxious whenever i use my phone and asks who I'm speaking to. I've never been unfaithful but I feel guilty when I get a text because I know that 20 questions from my boyfriend will follow. I try not to use my phone in company but when we spend a lot of time together it's unavoidable to reply to things that need replying to sometimes. He constantly needs reassuring that I'm into him, which I try not to pander to because it's annoying to massage his insecurities all the time so I just try and make him feel safe with me. But it's hard when he creates issues for himself by constantly asking questions about our relationship that I can only answer one way, otherwise he sees it as an act of rejection or neglect.
I want to be with him, because 70% of the time i have the best time of my life with him, but the other 30% is spent managing his insecurities and I don't want it to become 35% then 40% then 50... Then hating my relationship
Any tips? My friends that ive spoken to say the best way is to not take any shit from him, but I'm not sure how to do that anymore in a way that doesn't cause friction.
tldr; Boyfriend is lazy and expects me to do everything for him. I want a more even relationship, but I'm unsure how to approach it without him putting his guard up.
Submitted August 08, 2017 at 03:36PM by RedditEtAl http://ift.tt/2vKENCB relationships
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