I don't know if this is the right sub to post to since I don't really have much weight to lose, but I don't know where else to go. I started my journey of weight loss 4 years ago when I was only 17 years old. I was at a healthy bmi at the time, but I felt inadequate after receiving comments from family that I was getting too chubby (I was 5'4 and 119 pounds at the time). I immediately started using MyFitnessPal and ate 1200 calories/day even though I was still growing and working out on a daily basis. The weight fell off and I lost 8 pounds in 5 weeks. Following this incident, I went on to have my first ever binge in my life. I ate everything I could possibly find in my refrigerator and pantry. I felt guilty the next day, and went back to counting calories. Since then, I've had occasional binges a few times a month and my weight constantly yoyoed +- 5 pounds. Over the past year, I've been punishing myself with 2 day water fasts or excessive exercise (usually both) after my binge eating episodes. Doing these things really helps the guilt diminish and the scale go back down, but it's counter-intuitive since I binge again the next day. I've been counting calories using mfp just to maintain my weight for over 4 years now and I'm honestly pretty sick of it, but I don't want to stop because of my fears of gaining weight.
I just binged and ate anywhere between 2200-3400 calories these past 4 days. I've already gained back 4 pounds! My usual intake is 1500 cals just to maintain on a sedentary lifestyle (working out 4x a week). I'm 5'4 and 116 pounds, but I feel disgusting when I look in the mirror. I shower with the lights off and I refuse to look at my reflection. I can't stand leaving the house because of the shame and guilt I feel. I hate myself and what I've done these past 4 days, but I can't seem to get back on track. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Submitted August 06, 2017 at 07:20PM by polkad0t37 http://ift.tt/2fk9TKq loseit
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