Norman gets gas. lifeofnorman

On his way home from work Norman noticed the gas tank on his car was a little under half. This was unusual as normally he filled it twice a week on Mondays and Thursdays and this meant the car was never below half.

So he stopped at one of his regular gas stations, the one close to home, and pulled in at pump number one. A large piece of paper taped to the pump explained that the card reader was out of order and that customers wishing to buy gas would need to prepay with cash at the counter.

Norman was both annoyed and delighted by this. Annoyed because it was yet another unforseen change to his plans for the evening. Delighted because situations like this were exactly why he always kept a crisp twenty dollar bill in his wallet. He proceeded inside the store.

There was no line and he went straight to the counter.

"I would like $20 on number..." He faltered. Reece's Cups were on sale two packages for only two dollars. They were his favorite and he decided to live a little.

"... make that $17 on number one and two Reese's." He wasn't sure how much the tax would be. The attendant gave him eighty-two cents back.

When he got home he decided to leave one pack in his cupboard for later. He set the other on his kitchen counter. He'd have it for dessert latter. Then he left to have his pre-work bathroom visit.

Norman hopped up on the counter and sniffed at the foreign object in his home. He batted it experimentally with his paw. It moved a little. Intrigued he batted it a bit harder. Then he batted it very much harder indeed. The packet shot off the table and slid under the refrigerator. The toilet flushed in the other room and Norman, startled, leapt from the counter completely forgetting the object.

Norman would not remember the Reese's until his drive to work the next morning. At which point he would shrug and focus on driving. Unable to recall if he had eaten them or not.

Submitted February 18, 2017 at 08:35AM by rillip http://ift.tt/2m6oBT8 lifeofnorman

Norman kills himself lifeofnorman

Norman opened the door to his new house. It had just been built, just for him. It was a modest home, with no more space than was really necessary for one person, with the only exception being a second bedroom. Norman liked the idea of having a place for guests to stay when they came over. Maybe someone from out of town. After all, he was living in a new neighborhood. Maybe someone from work would want to come see his new place and he could offer them a bed to sleep in so they wouldn't have to drive home late. That would be unsafe.

Norman also had a small backyard. It was something he had wanted for a long time. He wanted Norman to be able to go outside and play, and maybe chase birds and squirrels; though hopefully not kill them. Norman didn't want to have to clean that up.

Norman began exploring his new home. The kitchen was quite nice, with a fancier stove and refrigerator than he used to have. He had debated getting a garbage disposal, but that seemed excessive. Norman was more than happy to take the garbage out to the curb himself. He realized that the refrigerator had a water and ice machine on the front. This wasn't something Norman was used to. Maybe he had gone too far with the appliances. After all, they were very expensive, especially on an account's salary. Norman began to regret the purchase.

Norman looked around for Norman, but he was nowhere to be seen. He must be in the back yard. Norman thought to himself. This made Norman happy, until he realized that Norman might start to become an outside cat, and spend less time with him. Norman loved coming home to see Norman excited to see him. Maybe those days were over.

Norman decided to turn in a little early. He was looking forward to taking a walk around his new neighborhood in the morning and wanted to be well rested. Norman hadn't come inside yet, so Norman left the back door open for him to come in when he was ready. Norman was sad to not be sleeping with Norman at the bottom of the bed, but tried to be happy for the fact that Norman was able to go out and explore more. He wondered what Norman was up to. These thoughts kept Norman up much later than he had wanted them to.

Norman was woken up by his need to use the restroom. He ran into the bathroom to relieve himself. As he was standing there, he noticed that he was hungry. Norman decided to try out his new kitchen. On his way in, Norman noticed that Norman was sleeping on the chair in the living room and he was dreaming. Norman smiled at this thought as he looked over his breakfast options. He didn't have many different ingredients, and Norman realized he hadn't purchased a recipe book for his new home. Norman decided to make waffles.

Norman fired up the stove and began to cook. As he did, he looked over to see if Norman was still asleep. He was. Norman wondered what Norman was dreaming about, and wondered whether or not he would stop going outside and exploring. Norman missed his friendship with Norman. He didn't seem like his usual, cuddly self.

Suddenly, Norman looked down to see that a fire had started on the stove. He began to panic, looking around for a way to stop the fire. He realized that he had completely forgotten to purchase a fire alarm for the kitchen. Stupid Norman, he thought. How could you forget that?

The fire began to spread all around the kitchen. Before Norman could react, the entire room was engulfed in flames. Norman fell to the ground, covered in fire. Norman noticed a sudden swirl of smoke, out of which a hooded figure emerged. He approached Norman with a menacing sickle in his hand. Before Norman realized what was happening, he had been replaced by a tombstone.

Norman turned off his computer monitor. *That wasn't very fun at all, *Norman thought. He had never been one for video games anyway.

Later that night, as Norman got into bed, Norman jumped up onto the end of the bed. Purring heavily, he nestled himself by Norman's feet. It's good to have things back to normal, Norman thought to himself.

Submitted February 03, 2017 at 05:42AM by sneekysnakes http://ift.tt/2k6widX lifeofnorman

Norman fights off a home intruder lifeofnorman

Norman was jarred awake by the sound of footsteps across the hardwood floor. Norman jumped from his bed and turned the corner before locking eyes with the intruder in the middle of the living room. Both stood motionless for what seemed like an eternity.

Norman quickly realized the only option was to fight and decided to pounce on the intruder. The mouse was shaken, but somehow managed to get free and scurry back into the hole behind the refrigerator. Norman was lucky to have Norman around to protect him during the night.

Submitted January 14, 2017 at 12:57AM by gumzilla http://ift.tt/2j90qDs lifeofnorman

Norman is unsure about 2017 lifeofnorman

Norman woke up January 1st looking forward for the rest of the year, he had his resolutions planned out, but today was his day, he decided to relax and do whatever he wanted.

He began by making pancakes for breakfast, using the sweetest toppings he had, everything was perfect, he sat there watching reruns of CSI and what would you know the rerun is his favourite episode. But then he heard it, a sad "meow", with he stress of New Year's Eve dinner Norman forgot to buy Norman some cat food. Neither Norman was happy.

But Norman grabbed some Tuna cans from the refrigerator and everything was OK.

Norman thought to himself "It's not the best beginning, but it's something" then he laid on his owner's lap and purred with satisfaction.

Norman smiled happy with the love of his cat, he decided to not get up immediately to go to the bathrooms and stay a little longer with his best friend.

Submitted January 02, 2017 at 05:55PM by OhShitARedditor http://ift.tt/2iAlTHA lifeofnorman

Norman Baits lifeofnorman

Norman couldn't sleep. He had had his mug of warm cocoa and milk which usually made him instantly docile, but this evening something was agitating him.

He lay in the dark listening to Norman's happy purrs, staring straight at the blank ceiling.

Maybe there was sugar in his cocoa, he wondered - it was after all a new brand of cocoa, and he hadn't read the packaging details like he usually did because he had been in a rush that day.

He decided he must get to the bottom of it and go and see the label for himself. It would be the last time he ever bought that brand.

He put his robe and slippers on and made for the kitchen, being sure not to rouse Norman as he did so.

On entering the kitchen and turning on the light, half a dozen or so little black critters scurried into hidey-holes. One went behind the tea canister, another slipped in between the crack of the cutlery draw.

Norman shuddered. If there was one creature he disliked, it was the cockroach.

He stood at the doorway, unsure how to proceed. He thought about throwing his slippers at the pantry to scare any away that might be around the cocoa, but instead he decided he would simply have to wait this one out and get to the bottom of it in the morning.

Norman had a miserable sleep.

But the next day Norman was cheerful - he had been to the supermarket and bought his usual brand of cocoa which was completely sugar free, binning the other brand which indeed contained sugar.

He had also bought a packet of four cockroach baits which looked ominous and impressive - like flying saucers made by Batman's engineers, he thought.

He slipped one behind the refrigerator, one at the top shelf of the pantry, one on the window sill, and the other under the sink.

The rest of the afternoon he spent scrubbing his kitchen from top to bottom. Norman sat in the doorway keeping company, washing himself from time to time.

When the cleaning was done, Norman put away his gloves and smiled at Norman, "I don't set a fancy table, but my kitchen's awful homey," he chuckled.

Norman and Norman both slept like logs that evening.

Submitted December 26, 2016 at 03:27AM by nana_had_a_fall http://ift.tt/2hpwxkz lifeofnorman

Norman prepares some leftovers. lifeofnorman

One evening after work, Norman found himself a bit hungry. He'd already taken a shower and changed into his lounging clothes, so going out to eat was naturally out of the question. I wonder what's in my fridge? Thought Norman.

Norman stood up slowly, lifting himself up out of the decidedly bottom-shaped impression his good recliner had developed. He gave an amused snort at this observation as he crossed his kitchen to the refrigerator.

The fridge, to Norman's pleasure, was mostly empty and tidy, save a single bowl of beef stroganoff his mother had cooked for him the week before. Not fresh, thought Norman, but certainly not worth throwing out. He put the bowl in the microwave and closed the door quietly, and delicately entered 1:00 on the timer, just like always.

Norman pondered at this, and promptly pressed Reset.

What if I shook things up tonight? He thought carefully. Who would stop me from really going off the wall? Norman's heart raced at the possibilities laid before him. Was he to live his entire life in a rut? To blindly obey the simple status quo that seems to define his very existence? It was time, he knew, to do something way out of the ordinary.

With shaking hands, Norman re-entered the timer:

0:60.

Submitted November 02, 2016 at 03:59AM by Zadder http://ift.tt/2faIKW8 lifeofnorman

Norman has had enough. lifeofnorman

Norman sat at his desk at work, his eyes on the paperwork laid out before him, but his mind elsewhere. A mint chocolate cupcake was waiting for him in the office refrigerator. Norman didn't usually indulge in sweets like this, but yesterday had been his birthday. Allison, from HR, liked to keep track of everyone's birthday and always made sure to bring in cupcakes or even a full sized cake when someone in the office was working on their birthday.

An easy oversight to make, Norman thought, as Allison hadn't brought in anything yesterday. She is probably overworked as well.

After work last night Norman had walked to a cupcake shop that had been a bit out of his way. He was not fond of mint chocolate, and was hoping to get a plain vanilla with vanilla frosting, but the mint chocolate was all they had left. He decided he would save it for after his lunch at work the next day.

Perhaps I should eat it now, in case someone mistakes it for their own cupcake. It was only 11:15am and Norman knew it was unlikely that anyone would eat his cupcake, but he worried about it nonetheless. I better just be done with it so I can focus on my work.

Norman walked to the break room and retrieved his treat. It was a bit smooshed as Norman had to hide it in his coat to protect it as it started to rain on his walk home last night. Eating it reminded him of how little he cared for mint chocolate, but he was committed to enjoying this rare sweet.

“Happy Birthday!” Allison shouted as Norman returned to his desk, startling him. She was carrying a tray of vanilla cupcakes. “You’d thought I'd forgotten, didn't you Jim?” She said as she placed the tray down on Jim's desk. “Come on everyone, get a cupcake and wish Jim a happy birthday!” Allison announced to the office. Jim looked pleased.

Norman was glad that Allison had remembered Jim’s birthday, and the cupcakes did look good to Norman. Better not, he thought, as he sat back down to his paperwork. I've had enough.

Submitted October 29, 2016 at 03:23AM by kaebal http://ift.tt/2ffpVoa lifeofnorman

Norman has a Birthday lifeofnorman

Norman woke up as he did every morning: tired. He slowly slumped out of bed, as he worked a little late yesterday. He covered for his co-worker, who had a birthday the day before. But today was his time to shine. It was a Saturday, and he was going to the supermarket to buy himself a cake.

He bought himself a vanilla cake with no icing, because too much icing didn't taste good. While he was carrying the cake home, he realized he forgot his receipt. Norman walked inside, only to find the line three times larger than when he left. He waited in line patiently for his turn to collect his receipt. After a painful thirty minutes, Norman walked back to his car, only to find his cake melted.

"Oh, fiddlesticks," Norman said out loud. "Not again." he proceeded to march back into the store, and purchase another cake. When he got home, he ate a single slice. But when he went to bed, he forgot to put the cake in the refrigerator. When he woke up, he found Norman eating it. "Oh, fiddle sticks, not again." He let Norman eat as much as he wanted then threw out the cake.

Submitted October 09, 2016 at 09:07AM by JaxDrumm http://ift.tt/2dnE5yl lifeofnorman

Norman goes too far lifeofnorman

The skin on Norman's forehead became damp with sweat as he struggled to find the answer. His fingers rest on a small slice of metal that would could be flipped if he decided to do it. Was it the right thing to do? Norman closed his eyes and made the decision. He pulled the tab. The cold sharp smell of soda, Coca-Cola, hit his nose. Immediately, he felt regret. Norman had already drank his allotted one can of Coke that day. He should not have opened the second. Now he had to make yet another decision. Clearly he could not violate his rule of drinking two Cokes a day. That would be blasphemous. Would he save the drink for later? The fizzy bubbles would dissipate, leaving a flat drink, completely unpalatable. But Norman was a man of honor. He had opened the can prematurely, he would be responsible for drinking it later, even if it would be terrible later. With a sigh of disappointment, Norman put the freshly opened can of Coke back in the refrigerator. Norman gets out a handkerchief and wipes his forehead. That was far too much excitement for one day.

Submitted October 06, 2016 at 04:20AM by AllOurAckbar http://ift.tt/2dt89hd lifeofnorman

Norman Watches Football lifeofnorman

Norman enjoys sports in the detached way a lot of fans of mediocre teams enjoy sports. Early in the season Norman makes a point to watch as many games as possible but eventually, when his team inevitably falls behind the pack, he opts to reading about the results in the paper the next morning. But this Sunday, his football team has a promising chance at beating an equal or worse football team. So Norman gets a medium pizza and a liter of diet Coke delivered and settles into his armchair to watch the TV.

The first half of the game is very promising, and Normans team is actually winning. Norman makes excited noises at the appropriate times, and groans aloud when his team makes an avoidable mistake. He generally agrees with the commentators on their analysis of the game during halftime. But in the second half his team keeps making avoidable mistakes, and even some unavoidable mistakes. His team is so far behind in the 4th quarter that he turns off the game.

"ah hell" he said, and went to put the rest of the pizza in the refrigerator for lunch the next day. "Next year, then."

Submitted October 02, 2016 at 09:08PM by incognitoast http://ift.tt/2dR6ErJ lifeofnorman

Norman Replaces His TV Remote lifeofnorman

Norman settled down on the couch after the final day of a relaxing long weekend. He'd just played a energetic round of tennis with his neighbor whom he didn't intend to keep in touch with should he ever move away.

"I better fix dinner before I get comfortable." Norman decided, heaving himself up to a standing position. He opened his refrigerator and stood back. "Nothing to eat in here. It's too full." He closed the door and thought a moment. He wondered in his head "Do I want a whole meal or would a well choreographed snack be sufficient? I guess I did have an early lunch." Norman opened his freezer and found two perfectly good options. Half a box of fish sticks or a frozen pizza with pesto and sun-dried tomatoes. He settled on the fish sticks, since they were open. He read the directions and turned the knob to preheat his oven for the specified 325 degrees Fahrenheit.

Norman returned to his favorite spot in the couch, where he'd left a "comfort" indentation, to wait for the oven to warm. Just as he was about to sit, it occurred to him, he'd been out of town last weekend. So the fish sticks may be older than he originally expected. He checked the expiration date, and sure enough, they'd turned two days prior. He put his textured slippers on and tossed the box in the outside trash so they wouldn't emanate a fishy odor in thawing in the kitchen trash. He returned and went about putting the pizza in the oven. Fortunately the pizza was also to be cooked at 325 degrees, so no further manipulation of the oven was required.

Finally situated on the couch, he flipped the TV on to channel 12 ice hockey. Or at least, he tried to. The remote wouldn't turn on the television. He tried aiming it at different spots of the TV. He took his cable box out of the cabinet so it was visible to the remote. When that didn't work he finally, begrudgingly, went to the supply drawer at the other end of the room to find a D battery and screwdriver with which to change it.

He made a note on his pad to buy more D batteries as he returned to the couch. But the battery change was futile. "I'm sure I still have that warranty card somewhere." Norman thought as he gritted his teeth. After searching through old receipts he recovered the manual and purchase agreement which held the warranty code. He located the 1-800 number on his cable box and went through the touch tone menu, then was placed on a brief hold. They played a pleasant mix of muzak and light rock whilst he waited.

When an operator came on, he described the issue and the steps he'd taken to troubleshoot it. The operator, who claimed his name was "Pat" but was definitely born with a name closer to "Indrajit", was mild mannered but efficient. He asked Norman for his zip code, which he provided. He was then placed on another hold to the tune of a pop song which he cared for less than the previous selection.

Pat returned a minute later. "Norman, I am pleased to inform you that EveryTown cable will be able to replace your remote at no extra charge as you are within your warranty expiry date. You can have it shipped to you or you may pick it up at any of our partner stores such as Best Buy or Radio Shack. In the meantime you will find all the regular remote functions are accessible through manual buttons on your cable box. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you, and would like to credit your account $25 to be put towards your next cable bill." Norman thanked them for their assistance and arranged to have the new remote shipped to him. He declined expedited shipping as he was going out of town again soon, and wanted to be home to receive the package.

He hung up the phone and, using a hot pad, removed his pizza from the oven. Transferring it to a plate he sat down to watch his ice hockey game. The pizza was a bit undercooked but Norman had already turned off the oven and decided it was fine as it was.

Submitted October 02, 2016 at 10:35AM by ligamentary http://ift.tt/2dlTct6 lifeofnorman

Norman makes a Sandwich lifeofnorman

Norman was petting Norman, only to realize that he was hungry. He promptly went to the refrigerator, and got some turkey, bread, cheese, and mustard. His wife never liked that. He then proceeded to put the bread down, followed by the turkey, then the cheese, mustard, and finally, another slice of bread.

He didn't like the sandwich though, so he let Norman eat it.

Submitted October 02, 2016 at 08:17AM by JaxDrumm http://ift.tt/2cUqsJ3 lifeofnorman

Norman gains some weight lifeofnorman

It was the beginning of a normal day. Norman made his bed per the usual, slinging the covers over the bed, smoothing out the creases because it looked neater that way. Today however, he was slightly winded.

"Maybe I shouldn't have drank that zero calorie soda."

Norman had found it in the office break room next to the normal sodas and "no sugar" sodas but couldn't decide if the zero calorie sodas were more healthy but he picked it anyways because he was taking an awfully long time at the refrigerator and a line started to form. He decided to treat himself because the season finale of CSI was going to be on tonight, but after this experience he's been regretting his decision.

Submitted July 27, 2016 at 08:52PM by pobblez http://ift.tt/2aKjLGN lifeofnorman

Norman gains some weight lifeofnorman

It was the beginning of a normal day. Norman made his bed per the usual, slinging the covers over the bed, smoothing out the creases because it looked neater that way. Today however, he was slightly winded.

"Maybe I shouldn't have drank that zero calorie carbonated beverage."

Norman had found it in the office break room next to the normal sodas and "no sugar" sodas but couldn't decide if the zero calorie sodas were more healthy but he picked it anyways because he was taking an awfully long time at the refrigerator and a line started to form. He decided to treat himself because the season finale of CSI was going to be on tonight, but after this experience he's been regretting his decision.

Submitted July 27, 2016 at 08:52PM by pobblez http://ift.tt/2aKjLGN lifeofnorman

Norman Comes Prepared lifeofnorman

Every Monday, Norman’s coworker, Jasper, who worked in the cubicle across from Norman’s, would walk in twelve or thirteen minutes after 9:00, after Norman had already settled in. By this time, Norman would be finished logging onto his work computer, tucking his briefcase underneath his desk, and packing his navy blue lunchbox safely away in the top right corner of the communal refrigerator (Norman liked to be one of the first people to choose a spot for his lunch – the bottom two shelves always got leaked on and more than once, Norman had excitedly pulled out his lunchbox to eat his turkey bologna sandwich only to have a pool of ice water cascade over his work slacks).

And every Monday between 9:12 and 9:13, Jasper would ask Norman how his weekend had been. “It was nice,” Norman would respond, following up with varying attempts to desperately remember if he had left his house at all, other than to do the shopping - “I got caught up on some reading and spent some time with Norman” (Jasper would assume Norman meant his son rather than his cat). Sometimes, Jasper would ask Norman which book he was reading now, but more often than not, he would simply smile pityingly and tell Norman about his excursion to Long Island or his day out on his wife’s sailboat. This particular Monday, however, Norman was prepared. Norman’s son had invited him to a move-in celebration at his new apartment in Upper Manhattan and they had spent a lovely weekend together, with Norman Jr. showing his father his favourite places to go for brunch and the best time of day to go for a walk in the nearby park. This Monday, Norman would have an answer to Jasper’s regular question that he could be proud of.

Norman glanced at the clock on his computer monitor. 9:14. Norman’s brow became increasingly furrowed as he glanced again and again at the monitor over the next sixteen minutes, wondering if Jasper had taken the day off. He finally felt his shoulders loosen as Jasper jogged into the office, panting. Norman smiled expectantly, waiting for his coworker to ask him about his weekend.

“Some traffic today, huh?” Jasper directed the question at Norman. “It’s like three drops of rain trickle down and everybody forgets how to drive.”

“Oh, yeah, right? Nuts,” Norman laughed.

Norman always made sure to get to the office at promptly 8:57, so he had missed the rain and, apparently, the traffic, too. Norman waited for Jasper to follow up with their usual exchange, but Jasper sat down at his desk and got to work, making up for his lost time. Norman opened his mouth, thinking about bringing up the weekend first, but he thought better and closed it again. Jasper was probably eager to get caught up. Disappointed that he couldn’t share his story with Jasper, Norman opened up the Excel spreadsheet he had been working on. I’ll take myself somewhere special this weekend, Norman thought.

Submitted July 07, 2016 at 11:48PM by shannonsnow http://ift.tt/29xKCI9 lifeofnorman

Norman has a brilliant idea lifeofnorman

The red-circled date on the wall calendar caught Norman's attention. He'd been on his way to the refrigerator to claim his morning cup of juice when he spotted the reminder. It was the 15th, bill paying day .

Norman preferred to spend Saturday mornings in his bathrobe, watching reruns from the 50s while his cat vibrated softly in his lap. Norman dismissed the duty as a Monday task and managed to sit through half an episode of Patty Duke before nagging guilt made further procrastination impossible.

He retrieved his checkbook from his desk drawer and placed it beside the neat pile of bills on his kitchen table. After he sealed each envelope, Norman realized he'd forgotten an important detail: stamps.

Norman ransacked his desk with the fury of an elderly barbarian before accepting the devastating truth. He had no choice but to abandon his Saturday routine, put on pants, and go out. As an added indignity, his desk was now somewhat messy.

While choosing between slacks and the risky-but-satisfying freedom of jeans, Norman muttered. It was inconvenient to go out to buy stamps. They're a paper product, they should be available to anyone at any time. In fact, they should be printable. Foreign excitement flooded Norman. Stamps SHOULD be printable. It was a genius idea.

Norman pulled the slacks from his closet since he may see someone he knew at the store. It wouldn’t do to be seen in jeans. As he dressed, he imagined the potential for his concept. He could make millions and finally earn the respect he’d believed he always deserved. To complement the slacks, Norman slipped on a collared shirt and tie. The would better suit his new persona. Rich Norman. Successful Norman. Before leaving, he paused at his computer to see if anyone else already had the notion before him.

He typed Google into the Yahoo search engine, then from Google's site he searched for printable stamps. He stared at the results. Norman wasn't sure which disappointed him more, that someone had marketed the idea long before it blossomed in his own mind, or that he'd put on a tie unnecessarily. He sighed. At least he didn’t have to go out. Norman undressed while his printer slowly hummed out the stamps.

Submitted June 24, 2016 at 10:09PM by phoebeknight http://ift.tt/28Y8PHg lifeofnorman

Norman encounters a mild inconvenience while looking for a bottle of water at Target. lifeofnorman

Norman walked into the store, refreshed by the gust of cool air during this hot summer's day, and made his way around the cashiers' stands to those ever-present Coca-Cola coolers containing various beverages being sold at a high price just ever so slightly above the norm. Today, he was looking for a bottle of water.

Norman opened the first refrigerator he came across, and found not a bottle of water in sight. He pushed a few bottles of Fanta and Powerade around, and yet the cooler seemed to be fresh out of water.

Somewhat inconvenienced, as he had a dentist's appointment in just under an hour, and the water was the only item he planned on purchasing that day, he made his way to the next register line and peered inside that fridge.

Yet again, there was no water to be found. Instead of wasting semi-precious time peering deeper into the depths of the cooler, Norman let out a heavy sigh and walked over to the next register's fridge. Luckily, the store was not crowded at all, so he was not disturbing the huge line that may be typical at any other time of day.

This fridge, belonging to register seven, was not only out of water, but also Fanta and Coke as well. Norman found this mildly amusing, knowing that someone else, albeit looking for an entirely different product, might have also suffered the same inconvenience that he had.

It was on the fourth refrigerator he tried that Norman declared victory. With a sigh of relief, he reached into the back of the cooler and pulled out a bottle of water. As the condensation began to form on the bottle as it came into contact with the warmer air of the department store, Norman made his way to the nearest open checkout lane, as the one in which he found the water was closed.

It was behind the elderly lady with far too many items that Norman decided to forsake his one-item rule for the day and buy a 14-pack of anti-cavity gum with the hopes to impress his dentist in about half an hour's time.

Norman payed for the two items with a five-dollar bill, and donated the remaining $1.49 to the charity box sitting on the register. He had done his good deed for the day and acquired what he came for despite his challenges, and he walked out of Target with a smile.

Submitted June 23, 2016 at 10:03AM by Rafikim http://ift.tt/28QndmS lifeofnorman

At the grocery store lifeofnorman

Norman was at the grocery store. His cart now contained several items and he noted that he now only needed milk (skim; Norman was trying cut back on his calories) and eggs. He had just picked up some potatoes from the produce section and realized he would have to traverse the entire store to get his last two items. "What poor planning" Norman thought to himself. He had already passed the deli counter twice and was not looking forward to doing so again. "Can I get you some thing sir?" asked a smiling young man behind the counter. "No thank you" said Norman quickly. When he finally reached the refrigerator aisle he waited patiently behind an older couple who had left their cart in the middle of the aisle. Just as they were about to proceed the woman said to her husband "hold on, let me check and see if any of these eggs are broken". Norman wished she would do that somewhere else or simply let the cashier do it (they always did at this store). He thought about Norman who must be wondering where he was; he had been shopping for nearly half an hour now. "Next time I'll write my list to coincide with the layout of the store" Norman thought "that will make my trip much more efficient".

Submitted May 22, 2016 at 05:52PM by Ibelieveicanfly19 http://ift.tt/1TPcnrk lifeofnorman

Norman Wears a Hat lifeofnorman

One Monday, Norman was sitting at his cubicle, typing away. Suddenly, he noticed that his lunch break was coming up. Despite his urge to go to lunch early, he decided that the thirty seconds until lunch would be better spent working. When his lunch break finally started, according to schedule, Norman jumped up from his chair, pulled the chair in, and left for the refrigerator. "Oh my." Norman noticed that Lisa was grabbing her tuna sandwich, despite being three minutes early. He felt guilty letting her speak to him. "Hi Norman!" Norman nodded and opened the door to the refrigerator, hoping to avoid any further contact. "I bought something for you from New York! It's in my car. Would you want it?" "I can't take her gift without proper compensation." Norman thought. "Sure!" Lisa gave him a hat that said "I love New York" on it. Norman began to sweat. He had never been to New York, so he didn't know whether he loved it or not. On the other hand, Lisa would be disappointed if he didn't take the gift. "Um.... Thanks." Norman took the gift and left. After work, Norman put the hat on, thanked Lisa again, and then left in his yellow station wagon. He had to buy some cat food for Norman. Norman, not realizing he still had the hat on, grabbed some cat food and went to pay for it. The cashier noticed his hat. "Nice hat! Cool place, isn't it?" "Yeah, very cool." Norman hurried out of the store, satisfied with the compliment, sweat beading at his brow. "Never again," said Norman, as he threw the hat away.

Submitted April 03, 2016 at 05:50AM by Mc_Flame http://ift.tt/1pViP8q lifeofnorman

Norman makes a salad. lifeofnorman

A quick rummaging through the pantry was leaving Norman slightly disappointed. As he looked upon the shelves a throng of assorted junk foods and pastas gazed back at him. He stared, half dazed, half expecting to find a diamond in the rough, until his mind clicked.

Norman had bought a tub of Spring Mix salad leaves just a couple days earlier planning to make shakes.

Grabbing the bottle of Ranch dressing he kept in the top shelf of his refrigerator Norman contemplated his options for toppings. Since salads was a new endeavor he decided to go simple. With his ingredients laid out on the counter Norman was ready to make his salad.

Norman thrust his hand into the salad mix and grabbed a fist full of the green and purple leaves. As he pulled his hand out of the tub some leaves dropped out on the floor. "Hmph", he grunted to himself. Norman realized there was nobody to share in his complete indifference to the surplus salad bits that fell on the floor.

One light coating of Ranch dressing later and Norman was done preparing his salad. As he glanced at the pieces of salad left on the floor Norman sat down in front of the TV to begin his venture into the world of salad.

Submitted March 31, 2016 at 05:06AM by ch1k3n123 http://ift.tt/1RKvxjT lifeofnorman